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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is this woman so obnoxious towards DH?

119 replies

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 14:02

How does an adult woman in her thirties get to a point where she behaves like this?

When she arrived at our house and DH brought her bags up to her room, rather than saying thankyou, she sarcastically said, "You can't put anything down in this house can you?" When he went to top up her glass at lunch she said, "Its ok I'll let you know if I'm thirsty". When he held the door for her going into a shop she wanted to go in, she said, "Are you going to just stand there like a muppet?" The most embarrassing moment though, was on the same walk when DH had lifted the DC over a gate and helped me over. When he offered her his hand, she said, "I know you think I'm a heffer, but you don't have to make it do f-ing obvious!"

Confused

The context to all this is that she came for Easter lunch with no gifts, flowers or wine. She let her 6 year old wander with chocolate hands and face and wipe it all over the sofas. She was using the c and f words as a matter of course during the whole visit.

Finally, when DH offered to take her bags to the car, she said, "My arms won't f-ing fall off you know,"

I will not be asking her here again, but AIBU to wonder how some women can get to the point where they can't even accept basic manners from men and have to make a spectacle of themselves in the process?

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/04/2017 14:19

There's probably a thread over in Feminism about stopping at an old friend's house whose husband thinks women are helpless and need a man to do everything for them.

The replies will be saying he's a misogynist.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2017 14:20

Put her on your shit list and remember never to let her over your doorstep again.

HecateAntaia · 17/04/2017 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2017 14:22

someone you are barely in touch with shows up to scrounge free accomodation, is an absolute bitch to your husband and doesnt get told to fuck off??

This.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2017 14:22

Please tell us that you said something.

Christ the atmosphere must have been dire.

acornsandnuts · 17/04/2017 14:23

I think her being northern has nothing to do with it. No one I know would behave like that.

She just sounds like a vile person.

Crapuccino · 17/04/2017 14:24

Doesn't your patio need reinforcing with some extra deadweight underneath it? Grin

Kidding.

Yeah, get rid, don't reinvite, and if you feel very brave, block from all future contact. I'm not surprised she's "going through a difficult time" if that's how she treats people around her. Apparently she's of the view that no good deed should go unpunished.

NotYoda · 17/04/2017 14:24

So you think her rudeness is only directed only at men, OP?

"but AIBU to wonder how some women can get to the point where they can't even accept basic manners from men and have to make a spectacle of themselves in the process?"

It actually sounds as if she was rude to both of you, from what you say

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 17/04/2017 14:24

You did tell her not to be so fucking rude to your DH though, didn't you? And not to swear in front of your kids? If not, why not?

AllllGooone · 17/04/2017 14:25

What?! Did this actually happen?
She clearly just doesn't like you all. Fuck knows why you invited her, or why she came. Weird.

SaveMeBarry · 17/04/2017 14:25

I have to agree with thehodge. I can't for the life of me understand why people put up with this kind of shite and apparently don't respond.

I always want to hear the rest of the conversation when I read this kind of thing - what did DH say after my arms won't fucking fall off or are you going to stand there like a muppet? I mean what actual words followed?? Do people really just smile uncomfortably in the face of such blatant rudeness and contempt? Confused

Rossigigi · 17/04/2017 14:26

And you asked her to stay because......?

Xcrispypancakesx · 17/04/2017 14:32

Just read that you say she's a friend from up north. To me the bluntness just sounds northern and her comments come across at an attempt at humour, obviously it all comes down to tone and context, but it doesn't really matter, she's obviously not to your taste, so just don't invite her again. Job done.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2017 14:34

There are a number of threads at the moment where people, mostly women from what I can see, are treated in a less than pleasant manner, say fuck all about it to remedy the situation then complain on here.

Did you pull her up on her behaviour?

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 14:34

Thankyou. Sorry about the OP. I was just listing stuff off and forgot to mention who she was Blush
I was barely in touch with her for years but ran in to her at a wedding last Autumn. Since then she's been texting for support about her separation. She wanted to see me as she was in town. I think she didn't want DH there because she just wanted to talk to me, but thank god he was actually because she can be quite draining. She seems to have issues with men in general, even if they're just trying to be polite. That's the impression I get.

She says things quite "jokily" as if we're the ones with the problem for being too uptight or something. But I just can't believe it. If she has got to her age and thinks she can carry on like that, what can I say and where do I begin?

OP posts:
YNK · 17/04/2017 14:39

So she's your friend and you invited her and then allowed her to behave like that around your DH and DC's?

I think you owe them all an apology!

MickeyRooney · 17/04/2017 14:41

She's obviously very frustrated over the bottom falling out of her marriage.

she sounds like the c word she kept saying.

Abort the friendship.

NewUserNameHere · 17/04/2017 14:42

Plenty of women have issues with men in general OP. It sounds like hers have come bubbling to the top since her husband left her,

Brownie points to your DH for not telling her to get to fuck. The ability to bite your tongue (whe it benefits others) is an admirable quality.

I think that if you were posting asking why your DH didn't stick up for you, as opposed to simply not inviting a guest again, they'd have had a much harder time than you have. Not necessarily fairly, but it may do you some good to think about why you let your husband be treated this way when they were a guest in his home.

SaveMeBarry · 17/04/2017 14:43

Well for a start Op you can tell her to watch her language in front of your children! After that, when someone is being rude directly to you or a family member you can either pull them up immediately - the old reliable did you mean to be so rude comes to mind Wink. Or, if you don't feel able to address it there and then you could have a quiet word later pointing out that she may not have realised but she was quite rude to DH when she said x, y or z.

If people never pull them up on this behaviour why would they bother changing?

SheldonsSpot · 17/04/2017 14:44

You owe your DH an apology for allowing your friend to treat him like shit without you batting an eyelid - unless you're about to do a massive dripfeed.

He must have the patience of a saint not to have told her to fuck right off.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/04/2017 14:47

Oh, she thinks she is indulging in 'friendly banter' instead of being damn rude. The only way to deal with that at the time is to take it dead seriously and spend a few minutes investigating why she is making the comment and what on Earth she imagines your DH is thinking. She may feel you have no sense of humor but hopefully she'll stop being so 'amusing'.

Some poor sods work with her 37.5 hours a week. Feel very sorry for them.

UnGoogleable · 17/04/2017 14:47

Well this is quite an easy one to solve - you hardly know her, owe her nothing, and she's just behaved like an arsehole towards you and your family.

Add her to the shit list and never bother with her again.

hmcAsWas · 17/04/2017 14:48

Ugh she's horrible. Your poor dh

FiveShelties · 17/04/2017 14:49

Just read that you say she's a friend from up north. To me the bluntness just sounds northern and her comments come across at an attempt at humour

She just sounds rude, we Northerners are far too friendly to speak to anyone like that. Confused I would not have tolerated that type of behaviour from anyone.

SaveMeBarry · 17/04/2017 14:49

I must say I don't agree that the ability to bite your tongue is an admirable quality in situations such as this. IMO people who always bite their tongue or rise above it carry on being treated badly by others and are left feeling hurt and resentful. The only benefit is to the arsehole behaving badly.

Far better to have the ability to use your words, in a calm and measured way, to make it clearer that these things aren't acceptable to you.

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