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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse freecyclers because they don't say please?

135 replies

PuffinNose · 17/04/2017 11:46

That really.
I've put a few offers on there. Nothing hugely exciting. I said on the ads that I'll pick a name tomorrow.
Husband thinks I'm being OTT by automatically deleting the replies that just say "I'll have this" or "put me in the hat" etc., in other words, no please or thank you.
My personal favourite so far, who husband agrees will be deleted is "I will collect this 2day. Give me ur addy. I 2 busey 2 wait. I will collect them al. Carl".
I'm not being unreasonable to expect a few manners when I'm going out of my way to pass on some stuff I could easily sell, am I?
I feel sad that my first AIBU is so boring!

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 17/04/2017 12:14

When I first used freecycle I didn't realise this you can chose thing existed. I had used Facebook sites where the rules were first come first saved.

I gave away my whole old kitchen to a lovely lady - units, workstops, sink and appliances. It was easier than trying to sell it separately and also we had nowhere to store it. Her husband had his own van so I knew there'd be no issues of it doesn't fit etc. But however a day later a charity asked if they could have it and of course it was already promised elsewhere by then. To be fair she was really lovely and sent me before and after pictures and she really was in need of it!

Robinkitty · 17/04/2017 12:14

Yanbu I gave my item to the person who was polite.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 17/04/2017 12:15

I'd bin off Carl for his textese alone, and that he has shite manners is just the topper.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 17/04/2017 12:16

The name in a hat thing is annoying but that aside manners cost nothing so you are free to pick who you like. I always imagine people who say names in a hat are on a power trip

OhNoItIsntOhYesItIs · 17/04/2017 12:16

I do wait for (say) 24 hours and then pick a name out of a hat - I sometimes feel it is a bit unfair to give it to the first person who asks, as not everyone can check their computer all the time.

However, regarding manners, YANBU

MadMags · 17/04/2017 12:17

Write back to Carl

"I 2 busey learning English 2 put u in hat"

FrangiePangie · 17/04/2017 12:18

I've given up with Freecycle. Sick of all the freeloaders who take the piss / don't show up / write in text speak / have no manners. It made me totally lose faith in the milk of human kindness quite frankly.

Enko · 17/04/2017 12:18

YANBU Some years ago ds decided he no longer wanted the table he had for train tracks . We decided to freecycle it as it had come to us for free. I put on there that ds (then age 10 ish) would decide who was to get it. The amount of " can I pick this up on Tuesday/Tomorrow" responses we got were just plain weird. 1 mother responded saying her 2 sons age 2 and 4 would love this and ds decided on her.

When she arrived and we had put it into her car she burst into tears. It turned out her dh had been made redundant 6 month earlier and had not managed to get anything permanent since. They had thought they would not be able to get their sons a Christmas present as money was so tight. She was completely overwhelmed by the table and said it was the sort of thing they would have dreamed to get them. It is over 5 years ago now but I still remember her standing there crying from happiness. For me when ever I freecycle anything I think back at her response how lovely it was without being overly soppy. No please in it but it was polite and sweet She later emailed me a picture of her sons opening the present. It was so sweet.

anyway longwinded way to say YANBU

TheReefer · 17/04/2017 12:18

I don't think 'put me in the hat' is in any way rude, its just registering an interest OP.

People will thank you at the point that you actually do something for them I would hope

Newmanwannabe · 17/04/2017 12:19

I agree. I put something on a FB page for free and some one replied
"interested." So I put "it's yours if you would like it" she then replied "address pls" I just think it's so rude. She did not get my address. She never replied again either

Can they not take a few minutes to send a pm, use manners or even spell words?? I dont consider myself that old.. maybe I am though???

TheReefer · 17/04/2017 12:21

I don't think shortened versions of words are rude - I mean we use abbreviations all the time on MN - do we not?

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 12:22

monkeywithacowface saved me the bother of typing exactly that!

Lack of manners is a bugbear of mine

But equally, some people seem to forget that the whole point of Freecycle is to keep things out of landfill.

Yet some people's attitude to giving away a few bits, would make you think they were bestowing a knighthood to someone.

TheReefer · 17/04/2017 12:23

Newmanwannabe you do realise that you abbreviated FB for Facebook, whilst in the middle of complaining about people not spelling out words properly - did you intend to be so rude?

No I know you didn't mean to be rude, but this is the point, this is how we communicate how, it is not intended to be rude or curt.

DebiNewberry · 17/04/2017 12:24

Yanbu. In a small way it's just reinforcing the fact that 1. Manners matter 2. Good manners are rewarded. So often it can feel as though this isn't the case so when you get the chance to redress the balance go for it.

EmilyByTheRiver · 17/04/2017 12:25

YANBU. I once put a small desk on freecycle and 'pickup only' and someone sent the message; 'I'll have it. I'll pm you my addy'.

Yeah, um no.

HoneyDragon · 17/04/2017 12:26

I get the name in a hat thing as there were a couple on our freecycle who clearly lived on it, said yes to everything and then sold it on Facebook selling sites within hours. I think some people do it to try and prevent abuse.

I stopped using Freecycle when I put an item on and received a message saying "I am having this. You will have to deliver as I have no car. My address is ...... and the should be delivered by midday tomorrow latest because I'm going on holiday" Hmm

JustCallMeKate · 17/04/2017 12:27

We moved house recently and I had loads of stuff to get rid of. I was putting stuff up as I packed each room. First up was 2 sets of drawers, a wardrobe and single bed that had been barely used. A lovely couple came to collect them. They weren't so bloody lovely when I saw all the items on a for sale site. I was fucking furious.

HoneyDragon · 17/04/2017 12:31

I didn't mind resellers if they were upfront, I just hated the sob story's from people I knew resold for a living.

Spookle · 17/04/2017 12:31

YANBU.

Name in the hat comes under 'fair offer policy'. It gives everyone a chance to register their interest and is a fair way of allocating the item.

There are people who make a living out of claiming everything they can from Freecycle and such groups by selling on. My ex best friend used to do it and would laugh about people being mugs. She had a great line in sob stories to deceive the people trying to genuinely help people in need. One of the reasons she is now an ex friend.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 17/04/2017 12:31

I totally agree with you. Rude Freecyclers piss me right off.

A few months ago someone posted some photographic equipment (expensive stuff) on Freecycle. I wrote a polite e-mail. I got them - he said he had an overwhelming response, but my e-mail was the only one that was polite and friendly with correct grammar and spelling, and that's why he gave it to me.

I posted a black bag full of baby clothes years ago. I gave it to the first person who responded. The couple showed up in a shiny brand new BMW and wore designer outfits that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe! I learnt my lesson - now I give to the person who sounds like they really need it.

WyfOfBathe · 17/04/2017 12:34

YANBU, it's up to you who you choose on Freecycle.

I just use ebay now. People seem to behave so much better when they're being charged 99p than when they get it free.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/04/2017 12:35

Kate. That reminds me of a thread a few years ago. There was a MASSIVE row about whether it's 'ok' or not to sell things on that you got from Freecycle (etc). It was so heated you could have made toast over it 😳

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2017 12:37

As long as no-one tells lies, I can't see the problem with re-selling Freecycle stuff.

Remembering the site only exists to keep things out of landfill, re-selling ticks that box.

specialsubject · 17/04/2017 12:38

those who say 'I will be there at 'x' time' rather than 'would it be ok to pick up at...' get ignored. As do those who want more details than I put on the ad. If you want full condition and photos you should have paid the fiver I asked on ebay.

SapphireStrange · 17/04/2017 12:39

YANBU, although politeness doesn't necessarily equal a good Freecycler. I had a very pleasant exchange with someone a while ago about the thing I was giving away (did I have another pic, how big was it so he knew if it'd fit in his car, what day/time he'd come over for it, etc) and then the fucker never turned up and didn't respond to a polite text asking whether I could still expect him.

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