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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can't ask for a gift back?

129 replies

chipsnmayo · 17/04/2017 09:12

So many years ago I had a fairly close friend, we were colleagues and then became quite close due to similar interests and circumstances (we were both single parent's and lived away from family). My friend was quite talented artistically, and when my DD was a little she made my DD a beautiful dolls cot as a gift for her (I think) 3rd birthday.

12 years ago I then relocated 200 miles from where we both lived, and as time went on we slowly lost touch and I haven't talked to her / seen her in about a decade.

Anyhoo we have been friends on Facebook for a few months now. She sent me a message last night asking for the dolls cot back and could it be delivered to her address. (I don't even know where she lived anymore)

DD is nearly 19 so obviously doesn't use the dolls cot anymore, however she loved it and I think she would be quite sad to see it go.

But also it's the principle, surely you cannot turn around after umpteen years and ask for a gift back? As far as I remember, there was nothing said about her wanting it back and when I left she could have easily asked for it back.

Aibu to just ignore the message? Or would you do the right thing and give it back?

OP posts:
Littlepond · 17/04/2017 09:37

Maybe it was something she was particularly proud of and thinks that now your daughter is 19 she won't be using it anymore but your friend can't bear the thought of something she worked hard on ending up in landfill? So has rather clumsily asked for it back to avoid that happening. The way she has asked is a bit odd but I don't think the feeling behind it is necessarily that weird.

However, of your daughter still wants the cot then don't give it back! Just say you spoke to your daughter and she still loves it and it has a lot of wonderful memories attached so she doesn't want to get rid of it. That might be enough for your friend to know her hard work is still being loved and not thrown in the trash.

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 17/04/2017 09:37

Why would she want it back?
As much as anything else it may well have been damage other the years of being played with.

AlternativeTentacle · 17/04/2017 09:38

'Hi. It is not mine to give.'

PovertyPain · 17/04/2017 09:38

You would NOT be doing the right thing to give it back. You wouldn't even be doing the right thing to ask your daughter about giving it back, as she may agree for YOUR sake. Its not your gift. It's your daughter's. Just tell her no.

bevelino · 17/04/2017 09:38

OP you have no reason to lie and should either ignore the request or say no if your dd wants to keep the cot.

Mothervulva · 17/04/2017 09:40

What a kook. No way would I be giving that back.

Original poster
chipsnmayo · 17/04/2017 09:40

She never said why, I honestly have no clue why she would be wanting it back. And also it is not in the perfect condition it was some 15 years ago (it's had a lot of use!).

DD is currently on holiday with friends so I don't really want to bother her with this until she's back (Wednesday) but I think she would be reluctant as she use to play with it all the time.

Chloe, I worded that wrongly, I meant "would it be the right thing to do". I think DD has the right to keep it.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 09:42

I see, thanks OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2017 09:44

Tell her no, it's all wrapped up waiting for the next generation. If she's that creative she can make another one.

JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 17/04/2017 09:44

That's so odd! As you said have a chat with your daughter but if she was so fond of it she may want to keep it for future children she may have

TheTabardOfDoom · 17/04/2017 09:48

I think I would message back with ...
Ummm...why? It's not mine to give back , it was a gift to DD surely?

That will either make her explain her totally unreasonable request and/or make her realise she is being a twat.
If you are not happy with the response then bin her off. A gift is a gift FFS!

Gabilan · 17/04/2017 09:50

Take it apart. She's stashed a secret message in it telling her where the hidden treasure is.

Or just say "it was a gift to DD. She's away. I'll ask her when she's back but she's very attached to it and may well want to keep it."

Original poster
chipsnmayo · 17/04/2017 09:50

So would you message her back to say no?

Or would you just ignore?

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 17/04/2017 09:51

Word it politely but basically tell her to do one.

JigglyTuff · 17/04/2017 09:51

I would ignore it.

onwardsandbeyond · 17/04/2017 09:53

I would just message her and tell her you gave it away a few years ago....

user1491572121 · 17/04/2017 09:54

I wouldn't say no or ignore. I'd say "Oh God sorry! I gave it awat to charity about ten years ago!"

Or

I have no idea where it is...I haven't seen it for years.

She is weird!

ADishBestEatenCold · 17/04/2017 09:54

Does she now have a little girl of her own? There might be a reason that she can't make another of these.

Goldfishjane · 17/04/2017 09:56

Ask her why she wants it before sending it
Is it costly to post?

Goldfishjane · 17/04/2017 09:56

Ask her why she wants it before sending it
Is it costly to post?

emmyrose2000 · 17/04/2017 09:59

How bizarre. Not to mention completely rude and entitled in asking YOU to pay the postage.

I'd just ignore the message. If she asks again, just defriend and/or block her.

After all this time, the chances were that you no longer even had the cot anyway.

Did she send you the initial Facebook friend request? If so, I wonder if it was with the sole intention of asking for the cot back.

alicemalice · 17/04/2017 09:59

I'd just say we gave it to a little girl (a niece maybe?) who's now 3-4 and she absolutely loves it.

pineapplepenny · 17/04/2017 09:59

I'd simply just ask "why" - just that nothing else.
Maybe a smiley face? ;)

Leeds2 · 17/04/2017 10:00

I would ignore her message unless, maybe, she has a small child or grandchild who might like to play with it.
I can even picture a situation where she is, say, working/volunteering in a nursery or school and thinks it would be nice to donate it but, if so, you would think she would say so upfront.

airyfairymary · 17/04/2017 10:02

How odd.

Asking for the gift back may be because this person thinks the friendship has fizzled out and she wants to get back something she invested in it that she values. It is rude and cheeky in my book to ask for something back that was clearly a gift.

I don't beat about the bush, so IIWM this friend would be getting 'sorry, no' as a response. If she accepts that and moves on, all to the good. If you get an argument you will know that the gift is more important than the relationship.

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