First Grandchild problems

[Lauraw1989]

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and right now I feel like I have made the worst decision of my life.

I have always wanted kids and I'm over the moon now I'm pregnant ... My bossy MIL is ruining what should be the happiest time of life. Constantly firing names at me, buying boys/girls clothes (even though we are not finding out the sex) and generally taking over and saying she will be upset if we don't do this and that. She never ever asks me how I'm feeling or coping with pregnancy. I understand she is excited but so are my parents and they don't do this and they always ask how I am.

I went out yesterday with the DP and his family for an easter meal which then turned into drinking in a pub from 2-11 (this is what they do). Everyone got extremely drunk including DP. I ended up sitting in a toilet cubical crying because of my MIL driving me insane.

I feel like I can't talk to DP about this anyway because last time it ended in arguments.

If this is my life before the baby is even here how bad will it be once the baby arrives? I feel like she is taking over.

Oh dear Laura

Please work on your independence skills and stop "really hoping" your boyfriend will change... Stay with him by all means if you want but start relying on yourself not on him. Your baby needs you to be able to get her or him home from the pub after lunch when your boyfriend loses track of time and goes on a bender with Grandma and grandpa, not to have a mum crying in the toilets because Grandma is weaning the baby on chocolate and dipping the dummy in cider because the crying is going to get them chucked out of the pub, still hoping daddy will change...

OP stop trying to fit in with them. Fuck 'em. I did.

Get on with having your baby, bringing it up how you want to and fuck the lot of them.

No offence intended but you sound like a small child. I can't park the car so I couldn't go home without him?! How did you get home if he was drinking? Do you go nowhere on your own in case there's no parking when you get home?

My hubby drinks and gets drunk and doesn't come home those nights. We have 2 small children..they are 3 and 1..I. also get drunk and go out with friends. My parents and inlaws wouldn't be big drinkers but they have been drunk occasionally.

@Laura my MIL also drinks too much and it's noted (a lot) when we see them and she's been drinking. It does seem to have got a bit better over the years but sometimes it's pretty cringey. My DH and DFIL don't say anything because they don't want to upset her, DFIL makes excuses for her, but we all know the truth. I feel for you on the drinking front, I think it's probably best to distance yourself once they'd had enough.

I didn't tell anyone our name as when pushed for a list, there were raised eyebrows and it pissed me off.
Don't tell them the sex if you find out and don't tell them the name.
Be firm but polite. If she wants to buy big stuff, tell her you will let her know when you decide what you want. If she buys things that aren't what you want, or without checking first then your DP needs to tell her to take it back.
Give her an inch and she will take a mile so you need to put boundaries in place sooner rather than later.

Re the drinking, I'd have just gone home when I'd had enough. Tell them when you go out that you need an early night and might not stay out as late as them, then it's not a big deal if you do want to go early.

It's always really hard as people go so crazy over babies. After DS was born I was called a shit Mum, but it wasn't like I felt I could say no don't take him from me please. It affected my confidence quite a bit.

You need to be stoic, you also need to make sure DH & yourself agree ground rules and stick to them.

Wishing you lots of luck.

I know it's an exciting time, but ultimately it's your time & DH's time.

OfficerVanHalen if it's not the pub it's drinking at home until 2, 3 or 4 in the morning chatting absolute shite! It's soooo sad.

So he thinks coming home with a box of chocolates makes it all ok? Do you want this life OP?

OP there really was no reading you couldn't have come home by yourself. Stop expecting him to change and being disappointed when he doesn't. A box of chocolates is easy to buy.

Urghhh I hate the thoughts I've had in my head today. It's made me wonder if I chose the right man to start a family with?

It's made me wonder if I chose the right man to start a family with?

Probably not, but it's done now. Best thing you can is toughen up and be the strong, independent woman your child needs you to be.

Personally OP I think you should leave sooner rather than later .

DP says when we go out once baby is here he will be more sensible so he will be able to park the car if we I have problems. I really hope this happens

what?!! take some driving lessons then!

Your dp and his family sound more like alcoholics than 'big drinkers'.
Your dp needs to kick that habit NOW - not leave it until the baby is here.

OP, you are about to become a mother. It's a really big deal. So you need to get your big girl pants on and start acting like an adult.

1. Learn to park. It isn't hard; it just takes practice.
2. Be independent. You don't need DP to 'look after' you. Get your own needs met.
3. Decide the things that are important to you and defend them. Whether your MIL is a piss-head is immaterial. If she calls you 'chavvy' maybe that's the line and you tell her not to. But if you didn't ask for something, don't expect everyone else to know what you want, what's a joke to you or not, and what your lines in the sand are.
4. Boundaries. Really, Google it. If you don't want to spend all day in the pub... don't.

And yes, I'm bossy. But I get my needs met.

It is hard when other family members are overbearing and try to take over. But crying in the toilets helps no one. You need to get assertive- your partner is clearly always going to be a waste of space on that front.

Yes, he should be supporting you, and putting you first. But he isn't, and he won't. So you have to start speaking up about what's right for the baby and for you, and start saying no to things you don't want. You need to learn to drive and park- having to leave early to get a parking space was your perfect get-out clause there !