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Original poster

First Grandchild problems

119 replies

Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 08:56

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and right now I feel like I have made the worst decision of my life.

I have always wanted kids and I'm over the moon now I'm pregnant ... My bossy MIL is ruining what should be the happiest time of life. Constantly firing names at me, buying boys/girls clothes (even though we are not finding out the sex) and generally taking over and saying she will be upset if we don't do this and that. She never ever asks me how I'm feeling or coping with pregnancy. I understand she is excited but so are my parents and they don't do this and they always ask how I am.

I went out yesterday with the DP and his family for an easter meal which then turned into drinking in a pub from 2-11 (this is what they do). Everyone got extremely drunk including DP. I ended up sitting in a toilet cubical crying because of my MIL driving me insane.

I feel like I can't talk to DP about this anyway because last time it ended in arguments.

If this is my life before the baby is even here how bad will it be once the baby arrives? I feel like she is taking over.

OP posts:
AtomHeart · 17/04/2017 17:03

You need to take control and learn to be more assertive.
psychcentral.com/lib/5-tips-to-increase-your-assertiveness/

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 17:20

I know I sound like a right push over. Before getting pregnant it didn't bother me because we had no responsibilities apart from work and owning a house I thought if he wants to drink that much then that's his choice. His in laws have always annoyed me but I used to ignore them because it didn't impact on my life now it does.

I thought once getting pregnant he might change and grow up a bit. I have given him a chance to prove himself to me and he has failed so now I will stand up for myself and take charge. I did tell him earlier I'm not happy about his drinking and he needs to grow up because I'm not going to stand for this once baby is born.

OP posts:
princesscallie · 17/04/2017 17:25

Op I'm not saying what your dp did was right but he's not a mind reader either. He's a man. You can't expect him to do something unless you spell it out for him. Also totally agree with other posters in that you should have left yesterday. Do u drive? As for his mother just don't see her. Let him visit her himself. And definitely don't call her a bitch to him again. Mothers and their sons have a very tight relationship.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 17:48

I do drive but we live in a house with a cup de sac car park. I'm not the best parker in the world and DP is great at parking and even he struggles to get a spot later in the evening.

I do regret calling his mum a bitch but I was fuming about DP, his mum bossiness and the fact she called me Chavy because I wear Superdry hoodies Hmm and I was really tired i just lost it. We all say things we regret in the heat of the moment, right?

OP posts:
Craiconwithit · 17/04/2017 17:52

I sympathise with being stuck with people who enjoy drinking. I rarely touch it and can't stand being around people who normalise alcohol so I choose not to spend my time with people who do that.

However, I think you were a bit daft to expect your DP to mind read that you wanted to go home. You really need to learn to ask clearly for what you want from the other person without resorting to vague hints or sulking. (Not suggesting that you were sulky, btw)

Coastalcommand · 17/04/2017 18:14

What does his mum do that's so bad? The clothes buying thing really doesn't sound that bad to me. And the names? Isn't that just what grandparents do?
You do sound as though you've been quite passive, as though you've been expecting your partner to be the adult in the relationship. It's time to grow up and look after yourself and your baby. Although I've not yet seen what his mum has done that's so bad.
YANBU about the vomiting this morning. That's disgusting and he needs to learn his limits.

diddl · 17/04/2017 18:15

Well after saying that he didn't intend to keep Op out late, you'd think that he might have taken the hint.

But, hint not taken then the only thing to do is be direct.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 18:19

My parents are so laid back and cool about it all they just let me get on with it but they said if I ever need help or want to chat they are here for me. My mum said she would like to buy something but is in no rush for me to put a list together. This is what I like Smile

DP's mum is too overbearing she needs to chill out! I hope I'm not like this if I ever become a grandma.

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 17/04/2017 18:48

Laura you need to take a couple of extra driving lessons focussing on parking, otherwise you will be dependent on your DP to "take" you home like a child once the baby is born, and will be endlessly getting trapped in situations with his family once you have the baby to get home, and even more so once the baby is no longer in a stage 0 car seat but needs a bulky toddler car seat, where you want to leave after a couple of hours but are miserably waiting with an overtired child because he doesn't feel ready to go home. Even worse he'll get drunk and expect you all to sleep over at his parents spontaneously...

Get your independence skills sorted or you are heading for years of passively waiting or nagging for your DP to be ready to part from his family and then fighting at home afterwards.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 19:02

5moreminutes sometimes we come home and there isn't anywhere to park!

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 17/04/2017 19:09

That's annoying for you Laura but can't be helped. I was responding to the "I'm not the best parker, do is great at parking" bit - don't be the Little Woman who can't park and has to be taken home in a relationship with a man who can lose track of time to the extent you describe where you are reduced to crying in the toilets!

If you had had the car you could have driven home after the meal, mid afternoon not late evening. That's what you'll be best off doing once you have a baby/ toddler to juggle.

5moreminutes · 17/04/2017 19:09

*DP is great at parking (not do)

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 19:31

DP says when we go out once baby is here he will be more sensible so he will be able to park the car if we I have problems. I really hope this happens. Plus we have a house cat and I'm not going to ask my parents to constantly look after him. M

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 17/04/2017 19:31

You need to be a bit more proactive. The next time mil starts with names just tell her you have already decided and won't be telling anyone. It won't stop them trying to guess or suggesting names but it will give you a sense of control. Change the subject. 'There's no point discussing names, I've already told you. Did you watch corrie last night....'. With the advice - just smile and wave.

goose1964 · 17/04/2017 19:35

i must disagree with a previous poster, firing names is normal. I did it with DD and DDiL , but I didn't say you must choose one of these. Neither of the names they chose were common but I accept their right to call the boys what they wanted. To me ,as a proud Granny, it sounds as if she's excited but it's not coming over correctly, if your relationship is normally good tell her. If not speak to your DH about it.

Parker231 · 17/04/2017 19:39

DOnt rely on DP to park the car - you sound like the little women who can't do things for herself. He won't be there every time you go out so you need to learn how to park the car or park on another road where there is more space.

OP - you are coming across as quite pathetic.

Allthewaves · 17/04/2017 19:42

What do you do if there is no where to park?

Stop being so reliant on him.

If he wants to have a boozy time with his family thats fine and tell him to sleep at his mums so you can get some rest.

Yes we all loose our tempers but it a number one rule that you don't call your partners mum names as it's like a red rag to a bull

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/04/2017 19:45

There's never a better time for you to learn to park your own car. Not being able to do it is pretty debilitating. You're only going to get more knackered and harassed post baby.

OfficerVanHalen · 17/04/2017 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 21:48

Does anyone else on here have DP/DHs that get drunk? Or parents/in laws who get drunk?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 17/04/2017 21:54

My ex was drunk through most of our 15 year marriage. His parents were big drinkers too.

He said he'd change and never did.

littlebillie · 17/04/2017 21:59

Hi you need to stop this now I'm 13 years down the road and I have no relationship with my MIL please just be firm and you will have a much better time and she will too 💐

Nanny0gg · 17/04/2017 22:08

Does anyone else on here have DP/DHs that get drunk? Or parents/in laws who get drunk?

No.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 17/04/2017 22:09

Ladies he did come home with a box of choccies to say sorry for last night. I really hope he realises me & baby are more important than getting drunk.

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 17/04/2017 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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