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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I take nothing more to do with my friend?

43 replies

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 01:17

I recently purchased tickets for me and my friend to go to a concert On the day of the concert,my friend texted me to say she couldn't come due to lack of child care and couldn't give me the money for the ticket that day but would pay me by the end of the week and asked me for my bank details. By the end of the week, the money still wasn't in my account so I contacted my friend who said she will give me the money by the end if the month as she accidentally paid it in to the wrong account and is waiting for the bank to return it. I found out on Facebook that my friend was out for her birthday dinner last night. Am I being unreasonable to expect my friend to pay me the money rather than have a night out? When I spoke to my friend about it today,she stated that we "have different priorities" and if she gives me the money today her kids will "starve" til the end of the month. I'm very upset with her but I don't know if this is worthy of me never speaking to her again once she has given me the money that she owes me.

OP posts:

TyneTeas · 17/04/2017 01:49

Was the arrangement that your friend would pay you back for the ticket if she'd gone?

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 01:50

She said she would give me the money for it regardless. I had booked the tickets a year ago so she had plenty of time to save up for them.

OP posts:

AprilSkies44 · 17/04/2017 01:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 01:58

She had agreed to go last year and texted me about two weeks before the concert to say she was looking forward to it and clarify the travel arrangements.

OP posts:

Birdsgottaf1y · 17/04/2017 01:58

Do you think that she'd lied over not getting a babysitter?

I don't think that she shouldn't have gone out for her Birthday and give you the money instead and if you was a friend,then you wouldn't either.

However who was she out with family, or other friends?

It wouldn't be the money that i'd back off from her, tbh.

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 02:01

She was out with other friends. I think not having a baby sitter was genuine as she has a rocky relationship with her sister who had previously agreed to watch the kids.

OP posts:

Birdsgottaf1y · 17/04/2017 02:04

Why wasn't you invited out for her Birthday?

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 02:08

I'm not sure. I live quite far away and have a food allergy so I don't eat out much. It's still nice to be invited though.

OP posts:

Birdsgottaf1y · 17/04/2017 03:08

I'd just stop relying on her and treat her as a casual acquaintance, until she makes the effort.

steff13 · 17/04/2017 06:15

Is it likely she paid for her own birthday dinner? Among my friends, the birthday person is treated by the rest of us if we go out to celebrate.

OliviaStabler · 17/04/2017 06:23

We often pay as a group for the birthday person's meal if eating out. This might be the case here?

sonjadog · 17/04/2017 06:24

I think she is allowed to go out for her birthday even though she owes you some money.

When you say she agreed to go to the concert, do you mean you bought tickets and then asked her, rather than you asked before buying?

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 07:52

I asked her back in February last year before I bought the tickets and she agreed to come. She used some of her birthday present money from her family to pay for her dinner.

OP posts:

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 10:46

I just don't think it's right that my friend went out for her birthday knowing that I am skint waiting on that money. If it was me, I would have paid my friend the money and had a belated birthday night out at the end of the month.

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 17/04/2017 10:51

I would be guessing she could only get a babysitter for 1 of the nights so dumped your plans for her birthday night out. .
But it was her decision to starve her kids by the night out not yours.
I wouldn't class her a a friend from now on. When you get the cash back just distance yourself. .

dudsville · 17/04/2017 10:52

I would be annoyed if someone owed me money and wasn't going to pay it back but I wouldn't end a friendship if this was a one off. However, in the meantime it's become really intense between you two and I suspect some intractable things have been said, hence her saying that you have different priorities. Possibly the intensity has shifted you both into a tight corner that you can't recover from?

HowSmug · 17/04/2017 10:54

I think it depends what she does now - if she pays you off really quickly then I think it was just about ok that she went out as it might have been plannned for weeks but if she continues to plead poverty and makes no effort then she was being very unreasonable

How about asking for half of the money now and giving her an it more time for the rest of it

AuntMabel · 17/04/2017 10:57

Did you go to the concert alone in the end?

Why didn't she pay you for her ticket on the date you bought them rather than the date of the concert?

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/04/2017 11:00

Just tell her you need the money she owes you or your own family won't eat.

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:00

I went to the concert by myself. When I bought the ticket, I trusted that she would give me the money on the night.

OP posts:

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:04

I have asked for half of it but my friend just keeps saying she has no money til the end of the month. I explained that money is a bit tight for me just now and she just keeps saying that I have a credit card and she has nothing and will need to go to the Food Bank if she gives me that money.

OP posts:

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:06

The concert was on the 23rd of March so I've now been waiting several weeks for the money. She owes me £40.

OP posts:

Ceto · 17/04/2017 11:14

She wasn't so bothered about her kids starving when she went out for the birthday dinner. Tell her your credit card is maxed out and your kids will starve if she doesn't pay you back.

ThePants999 · 17/04/2017 11:15

So if she had managed to secure childcare, she would have gone, and still not paid for her ticket? Uh-huh.

She's had absolutely months to put aside this money - it shouldn't even be coming out of this month's budget. If she couldn't afford to pay what is essentially a debt falling due that she's had ages to prepare for, she couldn't afford to go out for her birthday either. Frankly, if going out for dinner would mean that even an UNexpected £40 expenditure would mean your kids starve, that's pretty fucking irresponsible, never mind unreasonable.

EweAreHere · 17/04/2017 11:19

I found out on Facebook that my friend was out for her birthday dinner last night. Am I being unreasonable to expect my friend to pay me the money rather than have a night out? When I spoke to my friend about it today,she stated that we "have different priorities"

AND she knows you are skint because you have told her, and she suggested you use credit cards?!?

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Wow.

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