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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I take nothing more to do with my friend?

43 replies

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 01:17

I recently purchased tickets for me and my friend to go to a concert On the day of the concert,my friend texted me to say she couldn't come due to lack of child care and couldn't give me the money for the ticket that day but would pay me by the end of the week and asked me for my bank details. By the end of the week, the money still wasn't in my account so I contacted my friend who said she will give me the money by the end if the month as she accidentally paid it in to the wrong account and is waiting for the bank to return it. I found out on Facebook that my friend was out for her birthday dinner last night. Am I being unreasonable to expect my friend to pay me the money rather than have a night out? When I spoke to my friend about it today,she stated that we "have different priorities" and if she gives me the money today her kids will "starve" til the end of the month. I'm very upset with her but I don't know if this is worthy of me never speaking to her again once she has given me the money that she owes me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:21

I can afford to wait til the end if the month but it's put me in a tight position. I had to cut back at Easter. my friend knows my card is close to it's limits but just keeps saying that my mum can help me out and she has no-one!

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Nettletheelf · 17/04/2017 11:28

This woman is no friend to you. She values your feelings at less than £40.

As for "I'll have to go to the food bank"...words fail me. What a brass neck!

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:29

She couldn't have gave me the money for the ticket on the day of the concert even if she had been coming. She didn't tell me this until the day of the concert. We did try and sell the ticket but we had nobody interested in it due to the short notice. We've been friends since childhood but I really don't feel I can let this go without looking like a soft touch!

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longlostpal · 17/04/2017 11:33

I don't think you can know who paid for the birthday dinner. It's shit that she's making you wait for the money. I'd cool the friendship, unless you find out that there are significant mitigating circumstances. And although I'd keep on at her to return the money, in my head I'd write it off.

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:33

She actually did have to go to the Food Bank in March so money is very tight for her. I was prepared to give her plenty of time to give me the money back but it upsets me when I see her on a night out on Facebook spending money that should be mine. My other friend says I'm being too tough and my friend should be allowed a night out once a year.

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HowSmug · 17/04/2017 11:35

Ugh, she sounds awful. YANBU.

MadisonAvenue · 17/04/2017 11:37

I can sympathise with how you're feeling.

I had a situation with a 'friend' a few years ago. We had similar taste in music so went to a lot of concerts together but I was always the one to book tickets as she worked and I was at home so was around at 9am when they went on sale.

She was in a constant cycle of owing me money. We'd make arrangements to meet up in the city and she'd always say that she'd give me the money for whatever tickets she owed me for. We'd shop (her more than me - she'd buy X Box games for her husband, clothes for herself, spend a small fortune in Lush) and then she'd say she was short of money that month (!!) so could she pay me back the next time she got paid.

It got to the point where we were saving for a holiday in the US so treats were limited for me, she owed me money yet was living beyond her means and I was helping to subsidise her great lifestyle. In the end I gave her an ultimatum of paying me all that she owed me by the end of the week when she tried to pull the short of money stunt again, days after she'd booked a holiday to the Maldives.
She did pay me back (this is going back around 10 years now) and apart from the occasional friendly comment of Facebook, I've not heard from her since.

GabsAlot · 17/04/2017 11:41

that wold really annoy me

its happeened to me aswell months and months theyve had to save up but then claim theyre skint

what they mean is theyd rather spend it on something else then pay u back

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:42

I've thought about commenting on her Facebook post asking her how she can afford a night out but I can't face a big argument.

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Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:44

I also do need that money back as I don't get paid til end of May.

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NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 11:47

How are you skint waiting on the money when you bought them a year ago'? Why didn't you get the money any time in the last year?

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:51

My financial circumstances have changed dramatically in the past year. This time last year, I could afford to wait until the day of the concert for the money. I trusted she would give me the money on the day of the concert.

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NabobsFromNobHill · 17/04/2017 11:54

But that was a year ago. Why not ask for it when you needed it?

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 11:54

I didn't really need it until this month

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WyfOfBathe · 17/04/2017 12:10

If she honestly did pay it into the wrong account, I can see why she wants to wait to get that money back before paying you when the only other option is going to a food bank. Maybe she doesn't understand how much you need the money as well?

It's still a shit thing to do, but I'm guessing she can't see an alternative.

daisypond · 17/04/2017 12:12

I'd say that if people buy tickets on behalf of anyone, the people being bought for should be paying for their tickets as soon as possible, certainly within the week, possibly month, they are bought.

Ceto · 17/04/2017 12:24

My other friend says I'm being too tough and my friend should be allowed a night out once a year.

Not when she's been in debt to a friend for a over a year.

Original poster

Velvetlady · 17/04/2017 20:39

Thanks for everyone's opinions. I've decided to now try and limit contact with my friend. I'm going to avoid socialising with her unless it's part of a group event. Although it's going to be difficult, I want to remain civil to stop our other friends from feeling awkward. I've learned my lesson and won't be buying any more concert tickets for people in future unless I get the money up front.

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