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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For some of the family to go away at half term?

96 replies

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:33

Tricky dilemma. Dd1 is in Year 11 so has GCSEs coming up soon. We had a lovely family holiday last summer but could all do with a short break even if just for a few days.

We thought about going away over Christmas/New Year but didn't because dd had Mocks in January so thought she needed to be at home to work. She did pretty much NO work Hmm

Now we are having a debate about some of us having a few days away over May half term while dd1 in the midst of exams. We were thinking of either me or dh with either one or two younger children (dd1 is oldest of 3) so dd1 would always have a parent at home with her. And perhaps dh and I could have a few days each so we both get a break.

Dd1 is not happy about this and feels she would be missing out.

We will be having a family holiday this summer too just haven't booked anything yet.

OP posts:
froofroomcgoo · 16/04/2017 11:36

I think its really unfair. It'd be different if say DC2 or 3 had been invited away with friends.

Exams are already shit, without you making them extra shit by having a get away she can't go on!

Could you all go away and DD1 take revision with her?

Birdsgottaf1y · 16/04/2017 11:37

If she's full of resentment,she isn't going to be working very efficiently.

I used to go camping without one of my DDs and holiday without my DH, at times, so i don't think that having to go on holiday without one child ,partner, is terrible, in itself. I just doubt that it will be productive, overall.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 16/04/2017 11:38

Very unreasonable I think. What do you all do that you can't wait six weeks to go away somewhere? Hmm

Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:38

Not really froo she hasn't done enough work and needs to be focussed at home.

What about being fair to the other dc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:40

pink of course we could wait but I suppose it's the lack of the Christmas holiday (which we avoided because of the mocks) that's the issue. Plus we are also delaying our summer holiday until dd1 has finished a youth dance production she wants to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:41

I want to be fair to ALL of them.

OP posts:
LAlady · 16/04/2017 11:41

I'm not surprised she's not happy.

My DS did his GCSEs last summer. We kept everything calm and without the potential for any upset and went on holiday when the exams finished.

Grilledaubergines · 16/04/2017 11:41

YABU. Explain to the other DC how unsupportive it would be to leave her at a really crucial point in her life. Plenty of time for holidays, just not then.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 16/04/2017 11:43

Could you afford to do a couple of days just you or dh with dd1 after her exams are over as well? Otherwise yeah, it does seem really unfair.

HermioneJeanGranger · 16/04/2017 11:44

YABVU.

The other DC don't need a holiday.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 16/04/2017 11:44

But OP, life exists beyond holidays.

Yes, they are lovely to have but it's not like food where if you don't regularly have it you will die! Or even dental treatment - well we delayed it at Christmas but really we must have it soon ...

JustSpeakSense · 16/04/2017 11:45

How unfair.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:46

sparkly straight after the exams dd1 is doing NCS then the youth dance thing.

I took dd1 to Center Parcs last year, just me and her, at the start of her summer holidays when the others were still at school.

I do agree it's unfair to dd1. Just trying to balance the others' needs too.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 16/04/2017 11:47

Seems pretty unfair to me. Not many people have a Christmas/may holiday as well as a summer holiday so I think you'll all cope. It's one year while DD1 is doing her exams.
And I don't get how your solution will be fair to everyone. DD1 will only get one holiday whereas the rest of you will have two. Surely the fairest thing will be for you all to have one holiday together in the summer?

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 16/04/2017 11:48

It's really more the message it sends than the actual holiday.

gammaraystar · 16/04/2017 11:48

YABU. How cruel!!!

Onesunnydayiniceland · 16/04/2017 11:48

I don't think YABU, it's fair for the rest of the family. We did the same over Easter, DH took younger DCs away while I stayed home with DD who's revising. It's been great, the house is quiet and I made sure DD who stayed behind had some treats to look forward too (shopping, cinema, favourite food etc.). Revision is tough but it's not forever and the younger DCs will be in this position before long. Go for it!

Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:49

I am happy to accept the idea is unreasonable so thank you. Little surprised though, don't some families go away sometimes not with the whole family while the others are doing other things?

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 16/04/2017 11:49

Dancer but it isn't a need, is it?

feathermucker · 16/04/2017 11:49

It's not going to suddenly motivate her if the rest of you/some of you go away without her!

Grilledaubergines · 16/04/2017 11:50

Yes they do but not when it's something where parental support is a must.

HeddaGarbled · 16/04/2017 11:51

As you have a summer holiday to look forward to, your other children are not being deprived by not going away at Christmas and half term.

Could you do something like put a one day/night treat into the middle of the half term e.g. theme park that all the children will enjoy? Then your younger ones get some fun over half term and eldest gets a day off from revision. Even a weekend would only take 2 days out of 9 possible revision days.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:52

No grilled but lots of things aren't. I didn't 'need' to take dd1 to Center Parcs last year while the other two were still at school but I thought it would be nice.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 16/04/2017 11:52

Little surprised though, don't some families go away sometimes not with the whole family while the others are doing other things?

Yes. And if DD1 was doing something nice (away with friends/a school skiing trip or something like that) then I think a few days away with the other DC would be ok. But she's not, she's at home revising. It's not her fault she has to do GCSE's but it seems like she's being 'punished' for having to do so.

Huldra · 16/04/2017 11:55

I'm staying at home with one because he is doing GCSE's whilst my husband takes the other camping over half term. My older son doesn't care though and it's not the type of break he minds missing. Now if it were a week somewhere hot, or a city he wanted to visit he would be upset. I may take him for a long weekend for some fresh air depending on his exam timetable when we get it.