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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For some of the family to go away at half term?

96 replies

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:33

Tricky dilemma. Dd1 is in Year 11 so has GCSEs coming up soon. We had a lovely family holiday last summer but could all do with a short break even if just for a few days.

We thought about going away over Christmas/New Year but didn't because dd had Mocks in January so thought she needed to be at home to work. She did pretty much NO work

Now we are having a debate about some of us having a few days away over May half term while dd1 in the midst of exams. We were thinking of either me or dh with either one or two younger children (dd1 is oldest of 3) so dd1 would always have a parent at home with her. And perhaps dh and I could have a few days each so we both get a break.

Dd1 is not happy about this and feels she would be missing out.

We will be having a family holiday this summer too just haven't booked anything yet.

OP posts:

BellsaRinging · 16/04/2017 11:56

No, I don't think you can, sorry. Teenagers already think the whole world is against them and everything is unfair...you'd just be giving her ammunition because it is unfair! I think it could be OK if one of you took the other two away but also booked a holiday for the other one with dd1 on her own when she finished her exams (esp given she should finish early and you could get a cheap deal). You could def market a grown up break with you after the exams as a special trip for putting the hard work in, and you could go in June so not too long to wait!

Original poster

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:56

You haven't had the exam timetable yet huldra??

OP posts:

UppityHumpty · 16/04/2017 11:56

You're acting like a kid OP. Have some self-control. Wait until after exams to have any holidays. It's only 3-4 months!

Original poster

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:57

Dd away in June for NCS bells (her choice). Then youth dance rehearsals and show straight after.

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 16/04/2017 11:58

Of course families can do their own thing, but it's not very nice to do so when one is stuck home revising.

If she was away on a ski trip, for example, then I would say it's fine to take the others somewhere, but it's not very fair to do it when DD1 is stuck home studying.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 11:59

uppity you misunderstand me. I'm not so bothered for myself (although it would be nice), I'm thinking more for my other two dc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dancergirl · 16/04/2017 12:00

And no, I don't think trying to balance ALL my dc's feelings is acting like a kid. I may not get it right all the time but I do try and give thought to my decisions.

OP posts:

WandaOver · 16/04/2017 12:00

DS1 is now 21 and at home working for his uni finals. This will be his 6th consecutive year of exams, DS2 is 2 years younger. We have not been away at Easter or half term in all those years. On the plus side they finished school before the end of term after exams from year 11 onwards so we got away a little earlier than school holidays.

Violetcharlotte · 16/04/2017 12:01

YABU you don't NEED a holiday, it's a nice to have. DDS exams are the important thing here, she needs to be focused on these, not be full of resentment she's missing out. Why not just take some time off work and have a few days out with the others, and some family time for all of you (she not be revising all the time, she'll need breaks).

longlostpal · 16/04/2017 12:05

I agree that this sounds quite mean, sorry. Particularly if she found it difficult to work for her mocks -- it's quite important that she works hard this time around, and it's not going to help if she's feeling upset about this.

NewIdeasToday · 16/04/2017 12:05

Would you consider offering your eldest a treat if she works hard for her GCSEs eg a ticket for the Virgin or Reading festival or some other fun way of celebrating with her friends?

That would make it reasonable to take the younger two away at half term - particularly if you say it's to give your daughter peace and quiet to revise.

ZilphasHatpin · 16/04/2017 12:07

Wow! You make it sound like she is being a real nuisance by having mocks and exams that interfere with your holiday plans! you do realise that GCSEs are just about the most stressful thing she will have gone through at this point in her life? How about you stop seeing them as her inconvenience to deal with and you start acting like a family! That means planning family holidays (which is what you are talking about minus DD1!) that work around the important events in one of the member's lives. What a lovely reward for working hard and for the rest of you supporting her it would be to have an actual family holiday in July. All together.

AuntMabel · 16/04/2017 12:07

Some of these replies...

I don't think it's "cruel" or "unfair". I think it offers your DD the opportunity to revise in the midst of her exams in peace, with a parent there to support her at all times. She will also (presumably) finish a month before the others break up for summer once her exams are over, so a treat to balance things out could be offered during this time. YANBU OP, your DD simply has FOMO - hope you pointed out the Center Parcs trip to her.

NightCzar · 16/04/2017 12:12

I think it would be a great idea OP. The house will be quiet and she can revise in peace.

Happyhippy45 · 16/04/2017 12:13

My parents did something similar to my sister. She's still resentful about it and she's in her late 40's.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 16/04/2017 12:13

Is there even a weekend or day for a trip spare in between exams and ncs? (ncs is great by the way, my little brother and sister loved it) Is there a chance of a grown up break for her after your summer holiday? Or even October half term. I know you took her to center parcs last year but that was last year.

And yeah, we do have holidays that aren't the whole family, but we make sure they equal out, so like this year I'm taking DS away for 3 days in May and DD for 3 days in July, family holiday in August, but neither ofine are doing exams, GCSEs are stressful and DD may well be more sensitive than usual

ilovesooty · 16/04/2017 12:14

The younger children will have their GCSE exams in due course. I can't imagine why anyone would suffer serious deprivation by waiting until the summer holidays to go away.

EweAreHere · 16/04/2017 12:14

It's not cruel. She hasn't done the work she needed to get done to go away at the half term. Your other family members shouldn't lose out because she can't go this time.

There will be other holidays. Not everyone gets the same things all the time. As long as everyone is getting what they need for the most part, they're being treated fairly.

howabout · 16/04/2017 12:16

YANBU

My teens are away all the time without the rest of us. I have one at GCSE level this year. The rest of us are not confining ourselves to barracks in solidarity. In fact I am always looking for opportunities to get rid of some of us to give her so quiet time to study.

I am quite surprised so many others only do holidays as whole family affairs at this age.

bugattiveyron · 16/04/2017 12:17

DS has exams in May but we always go away, we've booked a caravan on a large woodland site with lots of facilities and he's going to come and go as he pleases and do a mixture of chilling and studying as he wants. Maybe something like that would work?

harderandharder2breathe · 16/04/2017 12:17

Yabu and selfish

It's fair because you'll do the same thing for younger DC when it's their turn to be revising

You're none of you deprived of anything, you're all having a summer holiday which is more than many people get.

Madasahattersteaparty123 · 16/04/2017 12:19

I think it depends on the age of the children if there is a big age gap and the younger ones are say both under 10 then I would take them on a Butlins type holiday something that is geered up for them rather than older children. That way it's not her type of holiday so although she might be a bit miffed about not going away.

foundoutyet · 16/04/2017 12:21

Wow, DH is away at the moment with 2 younger dc, while dc1 is revising for his exams... For the whole family to be put on hold for 1 child doing GCSE is a bit much I think. there can be other more stressful events in the future.

Why is dc1 resentful.? I have found as they are older they are not really that much interested in family holidays anyway. Is it more resentment that they are doing something nice and she isn't? In which case she would also not be happy if younger dc stayed at home and did some fun while she was revising.
In fact I have found that if only 1 dc is at home that that child gets a bit more personal attention. I have taken dc1 out for meals etc and driven him around to meet up with friends.

daisypond · 16/04/2017 12:22

If you need a break, just take leave from work, and the other children will be off school. A break doesn't mean you have to go away on a "holiday". It just means you're not at work. I think it'd be mean to leave the revising daughter behind, and she says it feels unfair. You said you had a holiday last summer. Isn't one holiday a year normal - if you're lucky to go away at all?

honeyroar · 16/04/2017 12:24

I think that from now to June you need to put her and her emotions first. It would be crazy to do something that caused drama and upset just as her exams start.

Some children wouldn't mind you going away, she clearly does. It's too late to change that at this point.

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