AIBU to resent extra curricular clubs?

[Maggie2828]

My children are 6 and 9. Their school has a lot of middle class families, well paid dads, sah mums. There seems to be a culture of competitive after-school-clubbing. It's not unusual for a child to do three different activities in a night (as in "Little johnny has piano lesson, then football, then beavers on a Monday, choir and karate on Tuesday etc etc").

I work 4 days a week, an hours commute each way. We struggle financially each month to meet basic costs. I rely on grandparents for after school care. My kids do swimming lessons. At home, they play in the garden and we take the dog for walks. We swim at weekends as well, and usually go to the beach/woods.

I can't afford all these clubs, I couldn't manage it logistically, when we have tried clubs in the past, both kids have hated them and asked to leave. It's hard enough getting homework done, and also I like actually spending time with my children. They are both healthy, sociable and well rounded kids.

One or two activities that a child enjoys I get, but AIBU to think that the myriad of activities kids do is at least as much about competitive parenting as creating a happy and successful child?

Skerry I am actually Scottish however it may just be a whisky inspired mirage.

Driven to the whisky by the bill for the dancing show costumes

On Arran, as a child we had Brownies in the hall, also a piano teacher and an odd lady who did dance with us. So actually, maybe I'm wrong we did have some sort of clubs! Other places I lived where the Highlands and the Borders, vaguely remember playing Rounders quite a few afternoons but int he school day and there was a football club after school. My family are now in Stirling and friend in Glasgow, says not much in the way of clubs, but they do an art thing in the city centre.

I miss it to be honest.

Lovely I'm sorry but that's just nonsense!!!!

No clubs for children in Stirling and Glasgow!!!!!

Bollocks!

I think they are a waste of time because often they don't add much to a child's education.
I did 13 years of piano and swimming and I do think it was overkill but my parents were keen and I didn't want to disappoint.
A friends child is obsessed with dancing and she won't make it in terms of a career (according to her mum) but the way the dance school talks, she will be famous.
I think kids need downtime with parents.
Most learning and exercise should be done during school hours - I think!

In the Stirling area alone children can do:

Art classes
Learn any kind of musical instrument you can imagine, including traditional Scottish instruments.
Join a choir
Learn tennis, fencing, squash, football, tennis, rugby, athletics, gymnastics, cricket, basketball, swimming, sailing, kayaking climbing etc etc etc
Join one of many dance or theatre schools.
Learn a language.
Join Scouts, Brownies, Guides, Air Cadetd, Army Cadets, Wood craft Folk, Boys Brigade or Girls Brigade
Join a Youth Club

For Glasgow multiply all that by 10.

If your family members say there aren't any clubs for kids they are either lying or hiding under a rock.

Just do what suits your family. Don't waste time resenting what other people do.

Ok, so this is where I need to own up that my DD (11) does 3 things in one day. She has always been keen to do lots of activities and is very active. She is not that academic and a bit shy and sport gives her a lot of confidence as she is good at it. Also, she was an only child until fairly recently and it was good for her to have contact with other kids outside school.

Initially, I was keen for her to at least swim, do a team sport (to broaden friends) and to play an instrument (to read music and learn about effort and reward). Now she does a fair bit...hockey, flute, school netball, school choir, school running club, school orchestra, athletics, ballet and the most intensive one is swimming squad (3 or 4 hours of training at the moment). She has dropped karate, art club and drama to manage the swimming. She has been doing after school netball, flute and athletics all in one day (my only day off so have to try and make things work). The school things are fine as they are mostly in the day.

I will take her along to things whilst she is keen to carry on doing them. I think she relishes the physical activity as a mental release and enjoys the camaraderie. She has a lot of time at home as well, e.g. Monday, home from school at 3:30, doesn't swim until 6:30, so plenty of time to relax.

I don't care what other people do, I am proud of what she achieves (like her skill and hard work at doing well) and will support her in what she wants to do. I didn't set out to have a super active kid, it's just how she is. On a recent inset day, she went on a big bike ride with me through the woods, she's just got a lot of energy to run off every day!

I'm the parent you describe. Honestly, I find it too much (financially and managing it all after school) and have told the kids I'm cuttting one thing. They love them though so I feel mean for taking it away. I realised their wants were taking precedence over mine and it all got a little bit out of hand.

I think if you're a sahm you almost feel like it's your job to accommodate it all. I feel a lot less stressed now I've limited it a bit.

I think the op is a bit reverse snobby.
My kids were doing 4 a week. I cut dancing and they chose to drop gymnastics but now they are composing they miss dancing. So now we are down to swimming and brownies and probably dancing again.

Plus I let dd1 do all the after school clubs she wants to that fit with ute schedule.

I think anything that builds confidence and helps make friends beyond school is great what's the issue?

Maybe it's the areas they'e in- St Ninians in Stirling, and Croftfoot in Glasgow. Or, it could be an excuse due to the cost. Not sure.

The only activity that I feel is an absolute necessity is swimming after that whatever you and your DCs want to do is down to your situation and circumstances.

Personally my DCs spend quite a lot of time at one particular activity. It is expensive and time consuming and at times I wonder what it's all for. Then I see how happy it makes them and I know that they benefit both physically and mentally. What we need to remember is that childhood today isn't like it was. Many kids do not have the space or freedom to play out all day or to ride bikes. Schools have less and less time for drama, art and sports and with budget cuts this will just get worse. If we want kids to take part in sport, dance or music it is going to be necessary to do these things outside school.

I don't understand! How can you resent after school clubs that your child doesn't do? why?

I think you just do stuff be Because it's enjoyable. I have no ulterior motive and don't think other parents do really. I don't do it because it might make them a better person or develop them in some way, just really because it's fun to try out new things and enjoy stuff.

Cuckoo your post explained exactly my feelings about activities and your dd sounds fab

Still pondering over what friends and family said about he schools not having clubs in parts of Scotland where they live. I think they had breakfast clubs, after school clubs maybe not so much, as well.

I wonder if it might be what they meant was the schools themselves don;t run as many clubs, it is more independant clubs, that might make sense if the schools are smallish, not sure.

Anyway, glad to see there is lots of provision in Scotland generally, for people who want clubs.

I had a look at my brother's family's school, it is Cambusbarron in Stirling and this is what they offer, not much sport or anything, so kind of agree with what he is saying.

blogs.glowscotland.org.uk/st/cambusbarronps/school-clubs/

One dance class, an homework club.

We have tag rugby, football, languages, hockey, cricket, tennis. So yes think that is quite a big difference really.

The Croftfoot school doesn't seem to have any clubs on it's website either. Most have a timetable of some sort.

www.croftfoot-pri.glasgow.sch.uk/Menu/Menu.aspx?Menu=SiteMenus&SubMenu=Our%20School

Ours has this timetable.

www.st-stephens.bathnes.sch.uk/images/sss-pdf/NewTimetableTerms1And2.pdf

But Lovely there are loads of clubs and activities in the area even if they aren't directly run by the school.

There is a wonderful Sport facility for Stirling called the Peak which has brilliant children's programmes, millions of dance schools, tennis clubs, Stirling has several kids football teams, a rugby club a cricket club, loads of music lessons, art, uniformed organisations etc etc.

You just have to make a tiny effort to find them. I have friends in Cambusbarron whose kids do loads of activities.

Your brother's family might not choose to but that's not the same as them not being available.

I think you're being a bit judgey tbh OP. Why do you care? If you're all good, stop worrying about the timetables of your peers and their kids. Yes, I think there's a trend in certain circles of over scheduling kids, but I imagine most families do what works for them, like you do.

Lochan I'm just clearing up the confusion really- I thought it meant clubs run by school- where you book them in and pick them up at say 4.30, or drop them off at 8 before school. As they were saying they didn't have that option you see. yes they could- but would mean travelling around with other children, etc and not so easy as having at the school. Yes i think they might go to the Peak- i remember the Rainbow slides I think when I studied in Stirling. The university pool was good and I know they do stuff at the art centre there as well- the MacRobert. In terms of Croftfoot, it's a half hour bis ride into the centre and my friend's not got a lot of spare income, but they said there are some subsidised things in nearby Castlemilk. There are things if you look.