AIBU to resent extra curricular clubs?

[Maggie2828]

My children are 6 and 9. Their school has a lot of middle class families, well paid dads, sah mums. There seems to be a culture of competitive after-school-clubbing. It's not unusual for a child to do three different activities in a night (as in "Little johnny has piano lesson, then football, then beavers on a Monday, choir and karate on Tuesday etc etc").

I work 4 days a week, an hours commute each way. We struggle financially each month to meet basic costs. I rely on grandparents for after school care. My kids do swimming lessons. At home, they play in the garden and we take the dog for walks. We swim at weekends as well, and usually go to the beach/woods.

I can't afford all these clubs, I couldn't manage it logistically, when we have tried clubs in the past, both kids have hated them and asked to leave. It's hard enough getting homework done, and also I like actually spending time with my children. They are both healthy, sociable and well rounded kids.

One or two activities that a child enjoys I get, but AIBU to think that the myriad of activities kids do is at least as much about competitive parenting as creating a happy and successful child?

Why does that mean that you 'resent' clubs? Just don't do them if you don't want to...

I think it often depends on the parents take on hobbies. We do hobbies so our children see that.
Three of mine have always done hobbies one not so much as she prefers drawing. I do limit them as I need to be able to get them there!
Mine have done alsorts to try and show them a world of interests. One of my DDs did distance learning Latin which she fondly talks of to this day! I'm always looking out for stuff for them to try and enjoy. DS has four activities DD3 five (2 at school) DD2 none ( although learning to drive) DD1 at uni so self sufficient but does compete nationally.

I also include extra curricular things like lots of theatre trips and specific days out so its not all clubs. I'm not doing it for competitive reasons, just because my children enjoy them.

I do think after school clubs are generally a waste of time, however if my child was struggling at school I would place more more emphasis on them as a distraction.
Swimming and music lessons I can see are useful but after that I don't really see the point.

Why a waste of time ktown ?
They can be positive for mental health, a separate group of friends, health and fitness, or just pure pleasure.
And my exH, for instance, turned his hobby into an impressively lucrative career (I'm a lawyer and he easily out earns me)

If they are enjoyable why are they a waste of time?

My parents took the view that as I was incredibly academic then hobbies weren't important, and I really resent that. to succeed in life we need all kinds of skills, not just straight academics (even in law, for instance, you need to be able to manage /work as a team/network/be tactical). I learnt those skills through a hobby I sorted for myself as a teen and it had counted towards my success at least as much as my stellar academics.

Owl, my point is everything in moderation. It can be a case of too much of a good thing:

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/10439196/Children-of-rich-parents-suffering-increased-mental-health-problems.html

www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200301/are-we-pushing-our-kids-too-hard

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1370429/Study-finds-extracurricular-activities-lead-exam-stress.html

m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/stress.html?WT.ac=

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201001/the-decline-play-and-rise-in-childrens-mental-disorders

www.noodle.com/articles/extracurricular-activities-how-much-is-too-much

Many parents may think their kids enjoy being busy but some of these kids don't feel they can say "stop, I've had enough" because they do not want to disappoint their parents or feel like they have failed. The pressure may not be obvious.

Head, I agree with you. If it is part of their lifestyle then I think it works really well. I think it can be trickier for some kids when it is scheduled activities taking up a lot of their time and introducing stress. When kids start doing 3 activities in an evening, plus homework, etc then that doesn't sound very balanced to me.

Many parents may think their kids enjoy being busy but some of these kids don't feel they can say "stop, I've had enough"

Or the opposite may be true.
As a parent of a daughter who has 18 hours of extra curricular activity a week- we have reached this stage as a compromise- she would like to do even more, it's me who puts the brakes on.

I think it's fine to drop things or just taste them to see if you like them. Consequently they see me trying new things out too. so I don't insist they stick at them. However they always do seem to like them!

No three activities on an evening would be too much I think!

The opposite can be true as well. My step kids would really like to do more clubs they just did one but I have persuaded Their dad to pay for swimming lessons too and they are both so happy

I think my relatives in Scotland don't have any clubs. Might be nice to have the choice. I think too much scheduling isn;t good though. They told us at secondary it is flexible so if they are tired and busy, they don;t have to sign up to each week, but go as they like, which i think is a good idea. the cost is also an issue.

I think my relatives in Scotland don't have any clubs.

Don't they have clubs in Scotland?

I think in rural settings there are fewer clubs available. For example the village I grew up in still the only thing is/was brownies/cubs.
If I'd wanted to do say dance, the nearest club was 5 miles away and only did Saturday morning, which my df refused to consider. The nearest gym was 8 miles away and also Saturday morning. So I did neither, as most did.

I'm now on a less rural area and have both within walking distance. If we go within 5 miles away there are 3 gyms and 5 dance schools which do various days of the week.
I suspect if we'd had that growing up then we'd have been given the option of doing it.

Rural, perhaps. But I hardly think "Scotland" is rural

Scotland is a backward place though surely. I don't expect they will have ballet or chess or fencing.

Yes, I grew up in Scotland, no ballet here I'm afraid. The three clubs a night I went to were archery, war face-painting and highland dancing. They've introduced schools to the area now though, so I don't know if the kids get to do all that now though, shame...

I grew up in rural Scotland and no clubs, bit then don't think they were a thing then. We had brownies though. SIL says no clubs at their school.

*I think my relatives in Scotland don't have any clubs.

Don't they have clubs in Scotland?*

It's awful. People in Scotland rely on the wind to give them electricity too. Can you just imagine?

Fwiw I'm in Scotland and as I mentioned in a pp my dd has loads of clubs... but only on windy days so they can see what they're doing

I think you are being very judgmental. Some of the kids in my class have 3 activities a night. They are just interested in lots of different things.

My ds is in reception. He does football once a week and has swimming three times a week. He now wants to start something else that has two lessons a week.

Some kids like activities. Some parents can afford to pay for them. You don't know what goes on in anyone's home so you can't call it competitive parenting.

Yes lots and lots of Scottish children attend clubs, extracurricular activities, lessons and organisations.

I have no direct experience but at a guess they also do these things in Ireland and Wales too. Even in rural areas.

lochan I doubt it.

I visited scotland once and it was dreadful. I think they have one or two schools now, but mostly it was grim, people sitting in ditches daubing themselves with mud for entertainment.
I can't imagine they would have ballet there.
Ireland and Wales are probably the same.

I think you sound quite bitter, jealous and extremely judgemental OP.

If the children enjoy it then why shouldn't they try all of these new things whilst they're young.

Skerry