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AIBU?

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Original poster

42k in Reading?

130 replies

NervousNellie29 · 14/04/2017 11:46

AIBU to think that a family of four will struggle to survive on a salary of 42k a year pretax while renting?

OP posts:
Original poster
NervousNellie29 · 14/04/2017 12:31

He has a work car and I have my own car so I can get around with kids and go see family (who will now be hours away as opposed to 30 minutes).

Work wants him within a certain mile radius of the office for some reason? Probably traffic or something like that.
We want extra house space as we won't be nearby any family and want them to have somewhere to stay when they are visiting and such. Also as my family is from US we want it to be comfortable for when they visit.

What frustrates me most is I have him the numbers and asked him to bring it to HR and use it as a tool to negotiate and advocate for the family and he said he would but then didn't. I really don't think he has any intentions of it TBH.

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 14/04/2017 12:32

I'm local to this area. The rents are high, but as pp have said there are cheaper areas if you are prepared to go out a bit. Band E sounds huge for a family of four. When we had four we were in a 2 bed, band C.

Barbie222 · 14/04/2017 12:33

Extra house space might have to be your area of compromise here - visitors on day beds etc?

Bunnyfuller · 14/04/2017 12:39

Your visitors might have to rough it, or stay in a B and B. Loads of people have distant family and no room for them to stay. Even one spare room is a massive luxury these days, especially in that sort of area. Smaller rental and it'll be much more doable. DH needs to negotiate regardless.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/04/2017 12:39

Well you may want the extra space for family but it is clear that you cant afford it so you need to be more realistic with your expectations.

I would be pissed off with him refusing to consider the reality of the figures though. Seems like all he sees is PROMOTION in big neon letters without considering the impact on the family.

Could he rent a room Monday-Friday and you stay where you are so he does a weekly commute? You dont have to move if you dont want to......

happypoobum · 14/04/2017 12:41

Having extra rooms for visitors is fine and dandy if you can afford it, but not if it's leaving you £25 a month.

That is what has to go OP.

SantinoRice · 14/04/2017 12:44

Yep, agree with the above. Your kids can share a room when you have visitors.

Original poster
NervousNellie29 · 14/04/2017 12:44

@PyongyangKipperbang anything work related is in big neon letters with no regard for anyone else Confused
He keeps going on about how big of an opportunity it is for ALL of is when it's really just him and I'm in the same position I always have been.

OP posts:
SpeckledyHen · 14/04/2017 12:49

Has he considered commuting to work and not moving ?

Original poster
NervousNellie29 · 14/04/2017 12:51

@SpeckledyHen he would never see DC really if that was the case. DS is 8m and DD is 2.5y. They would be absolutely devastated.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/04/2017 12:52

He keeps going on about how big of an opportunity it is for ALL of is when it's really just him and I'm in the same position I always have been.

Have you spelled this out for him? I find that email can sometimes be a better way to set things down, you cant be brushed aside or shouted down and can get your point across without interruptions.

Or do you think that if it came down to a straight choice between family and the job then the job would win?

SpeckledyHen · 14/04/2017 12:52

Sorry , just seen that he needs to be near the office for some reason .
Are your children school age ? The schools vary considerably from area to area in Reading which has a big impact on house prices .

SpeckledyHen · 14/04/2017 12:53

Arggh crossed post sorry .

AhYerWill · 14/04/2017 12:55

I rented in reading a few years back. The agents i spoke to would only rent properties to me where my salary was more than 3x rent. So you may find that on 42k you wouldn't pass the credit checks for a place costing 1450 a month.

Tbf i doubt its a rule specific to reading (and it may have changed) but it may be worth ringing some of the letting agents to find out what their affordability checks are.

LovelyBath77 · 14/04/2017 12:58

Why not save some money and yes, the family can stay in a b and b or even rent a small flat or self-cater if they visit? I would do that anyway as find too many family visitors hectic and stressful.

smu06set · 14/04/2017 13:01

We live approx 20mins drive from Reading town centre. You can get a 3 bed here for £900 a month. Lovely area good schools and community. You really dont have to spend so much on rent!

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 13:02

What's the long view here?
A tight two years but excellent career and salary progression?
For that, I'd forget about a room for visitors and get on with it.

Sounds like your marriage is struggling anyway though.,I'd focus on that above the Reading move.

LadyintheRadiator · 14/04/2017 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMyPenguin · 14/04/2017 13:05

If they're adamant that you're going to have to live in the (obviously more expensive) area near their head office, they really need to pay enough to enable that.

If he wants to be 'nice' and not negotiate hard for more money, at least see if he will ask if there is any leeway on the area requirement! Then if they ask why he can explain that he hasn't been able to find anywhere within the area that's in his budget on that salary. They can either be flexible on the area or the salary, right? :-)

NotMyPenguin · 14/04/2017 13:06

Echoing others who say it's possible to rent a nice place in or near Reading (just maybe not the exact area you're looking at near head office, but quite easily commutable) for £900-£1100 a month easily.

NotMyPenguin · 14/04/2017 13:07

Reading will be good for career opportunities for you too - there's a lot going on there, and you can also commute easily either in to London or to places like Oxford, Andover etc.

Original poster
NervousNellie29 · 14/04/2017 13:11

@PyongyangKipperbang sadly I think if it did job would win immediately and then he would realise shortly afterwards that isn't the best choice. He's very black and white in the way he views things.
I've spelled it out for him and even brought it up in our couples counselling, as yes we have been struggling a bit.
I'm very back and forth on this promotion and move as I know marriage wise we aren't in the best place, and financially well struggle.
However he is doing very well and is really happy to be moving forward and I do want him to succeed.

@smu06set PLEASE PM me where this is!!! I'll have to have a look and see how far it is from his office!

OP posts:
Violetcharlotte · 14/04/2017 13:16

I think it's manageable but doesn't leave much left over at all. I earn about that and live not far from Reading. I'm guessing your rent will be around £1100 pm, once you add on bill, food and transport there doesn't seem to be much left.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/04/2017 13:17

Given your current issues, I really wouldnt recommend that you move.

Tell him that you dont want to leave where you are but will support him in a weekly commute if he insists on taking the job. I cant see your marriage surviving this if I am honest, given that he is so selfish.

Have you outright asked him what he would do if you refused to move? It could be that he is railroading you because he knows that eventually he will get his own way as he always has in the past.

rollonthesummer · 14/04/2017 13:18

It's not a good promotion if it's going to leave you skint!

He needs to negotiate-either ask for more money, say he can't rent that close to the office or you get a smaller house. What size house are you looking at as I think it's out if your price range?

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