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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry and upset with my DM?

85 replies

onthettcbus · 14/04/2017 10:46

Ddog was bought for me when I was 15 and became the 'family' dog as I was still a child and she has continued to live with my mum whilst I lived away at university, mum paid for all vaccinations etc as I had no income, dog is now 9 and has been perfectly healthy up until now. The issue is her pet insurance has always been taken from dm's bank as it was set up when she was a puppy and as far as I was aware dm had continued to pay it, I have asked her several times in the past if the pet insurance is still set up and she has lied and said yes it's fine and she didn't want me to pay it, which I would have been more than happy to do. Now ddog has taken ill and requires 600 pounds worth of veterinary treatment and mum has confessed that she has cancelled her pet insurance and is not willing to pay the bill. I am upset as I am almost four months pregnant, money is tight and all she said was 'well, you should have taken responsibility for your own dog and not relied on someone else then shouldn't you'. I will pay it as there is no way I will let her suffer but i will have to use credit cards or some of the savings that I had put away for the baby. Am I i being unreasonable to be angry with her or should I have just taken responsibility for the pet insurance myself?

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 12:36

Oh definitely take her back - it's not like she's enormous and will take over your home

Sounds like the vet is being quite sensible tbh - if I, or anyone I cared about, had a lump I'd want it removed in case it turned nasty. Why should it be any different with an animal?

Original poster
onthettcbus · 14/04/2017 12:37

Although the vet recommended them being removed, I would also prefer to have them removed for my own peace of mind as I am likely to be anxious and checking them constantly and wondering if they are growing or changing.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 12:37

You could always take her to another vet for a second opinion?

Not that that's the point of this thread.....

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2017 12:38

^ Can't agree. It's not a human and it's extremely common to have fatty lumps appear in older dogs. If its not cancerous, the aspiration will show without needing to spend £600.

NormaSmuff · 14/04/2017 12:38

i dont think you shoudl pay for it with strings attached.
you are demanding you now have the dog.
i think you are being unfair and childish.
i suspect your mother was embarrassed that she cancelled the insurance and couldnt afford it.
if you must pay for it at least let her keep the dog.

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 12:39

X post op

Fwiw I'm the same- would rather get it done than leave it

seen too much in human healthcare

SuziePink · 14/04/2017 12:39

YANBU. If you pay many of the larger costs and you are going to pay £600 in fees for the vet then you are perfectly entitled to have your own dog living with you.

Your DM probably thought the dog was never going to get ill and thought cancelling the insurance wasn't a big deal, which is pretty daft really but probably not done out of spite.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2017 12:39

Sorry to keep on, OP, but please ask for an aspiration first. If they're lipomas, they don't generally become cancerous.

HashiAsLarry · 14/04/2017 12:40

YANBU to be pissed off. I would be too.
If you're going to pay for this, do it on the condition that she becomes solely your dog. If your DM wants to keep her then she's DM's dog and she has to pick up the slack.

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 12:40

Why should the mum keep the dog?

It's the op's dog- which she helps pay for. If it was the mum's dog she should be wholly responsible for the financial burden

NormaSmuff · 14/04/2017 12:42

op you lived at home til you were 18?
so you lived with the dog for 3 years.
you got given the dog when you were a child.

why havent you taken the dog to live with you already?

Original poster
onthettcbus · 14/04/2017 12:42

Thank you, I will definitely ask for an aspiration first, if they are just fatty lumps that are not at all dangerous then I would prefer her to not be cut open.

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 14/04/2017 12:42

the dog will be upset to be rehomed away from your mum

fj3568 · 14/04/2017 12:43

Her dog not yours simple - hugs

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 12:44

Not as upset as she'll be if she gets ill and is in pain and op's mum can't or won't spend anything to get her well Hmm

HappyFlappy · 14/04/2017 12:57

I'd get ddog back if I were you- not sure I'd be able to trust my mum after this

This ^

If your mother wants the dog (sounds as though she does), then she has to accept the costs that go with her. If not, then she should let you have the dog at your home. I can'r see how she can complain that you have not taken responsibility when you cover solecists and have offered to take the dog yourself.

However, remember two things -

  1. you are soon gong to have a baby to take care of, and dogs, although lovely, are a lot of work.

and

  1. the dog is used to living with your mother and may pine if you take her - especially when your baby takes the lion's share of your attention (which of course, he/she must).
Birdsgottaf1y · 14/04/2017 12:57

Would you clash over the time to get her PTS?

Is the dog a personality that would cope with a move,then a baby and can your house be set up to keep both separate, if needed?

Can you fit a dog into your life for possibly another six years, with the dogs waning health, possibly causing snappiness or needing space?

You haven't had the will to take her previously and is having a new baby a time to get an ill dog?

harderandharder2breathe · 14/04/2017 13:00

Yanbu

I agree it's not that your mum stopped paying the insurance it's that when you asked and offered to set it up, she lied about it. That's not ok.

The dog is yours if you're paying all its costs and should come and live with you.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 13:01

So it's your DM's dog when it's cheap and for the company, and it's your dog when it's expensive and you don't even get the benefit of its company? I'd say you need to come to a solution sharpish. Either it's entirely your dog - big and little costs, living with you, etc., or it's entirely your mother's. If your DM doesn't want to pay for the vets bills, then she isn't a responsible owner, and I'd say you'd have very strong grounds to assert that the dog is better with you.

And YANBU to be angry about DM lying to you.

HappyFlappy · 14/04/2017 13:04

Really good advice from Cherrysoup

I have had four westies; one lived to nearly 20, and her two sons to 18. They were covered with harmless fatty lipomas , some of them quite large (plum-sized, which is big on a small dog) The lumps mostly didn't bother the dogs and the only one we had removed was a neck one which caused abrasion against the dog's collar.

If something is unsightly but harmless, I wouldn't interfere with it. Dogs don't fret over their appearance the way we do.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2017 13:05

Waves at HappyFlappy

If you want the dog at your house, will you cope with a new baby, walking the dog, paying for the dog etc?

Re fine needle aspiration, if the vet takes a big enough sample, they may be able to give you an idea immediately.

mando12345 · 14/04/2017 13:06

YANBU to be very annoyed with your DM, that is very childish of her to say you should have taken responsibility if you had asked if the insurance was being paid.
Agree with others if soft, fatty and palpable, lumps are fairly normal in older dogs, and my vet despite DD being insured has not advised removal after examination.
And I know you are going to pay for any veterinary care but I pay £60 a month for insurance, so I think you are quids in not having paid so far!

HappyFlappy · 14/04/2017 13:10

**

Good point that Mando has made, too. Have you had a feel of the lumps yourself Bus? If they are easy to move, they are most likely nothing to worry about. Malignant lumps are usually very firmly fixed and can't be (gently) pushed about.

Original poster
onthettcbus · 14/04/2017 13:11

This is one of the lumps if anyone has any veterinary knowledge, the other couple are too small to see on camera but can be felt under the skin.

OP posts:
Original poster
onthettcbus · 14/04/2017 13:12

It can be moved and it doesn't hurt her to touch them.

OP posts:
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