To be angry and upset with my DM?

[onthettcbus]

Ddog was bought for me when I was 15 and became the 'family' dog as I was still a child and she has continued to live with my mum whilst I lived away at university, mum paid for all vaccinations etc as I had no income, dog is now 9 and has been perfectly healthy up until now. The issue is her pet insurance has always been taken from dm's bank as it was set up when she was a puppy and as far as I was aware dm had continued to pay it, I have asked her several times in the past if the pet insurance is still set up and she has lied and said yes it's fine and she didn't want me to pay it, which I would have been more than happy to do. Now ddog has taken ill and requires 600 pounds worth of veterinary treatment and mum has confessed that she has cancelled her pet insurance and is not willing to pay the bill. I am upset as I am almost four months pregnant, money is tight and all she said was 'well, you should have taken responsibility for your own dog and not relied on someone else then shouldn't you'. I will pay it as there is no way I will let her suffer but i will have to use credit cards or some of the savings that I had put away for the baby. Am I i being unreasonable to be angry with her or should I have just taken responsibility for the pet insurance myself?

[MatildaTheCat]

My 8 year old dog has developed several fatty lipomas in the last year. Vet was unconcerned and said keep an eye but since Ddog had to have another small operation I asked for a needle biopsy whilst he was under anaesthetic. It was fine.

As for insurance...I ended up in a massive row with my providers and only got a fraction of the operation costs back and they also hiked the premiums to a level I couldn't/ wouldn't pay. I looked around but at this age the cover isn't worth having there are so many exclusions and such high excesses. I will take my luck and pay if we need to.

Get the biopsy and establish actual ownership with your DM. This is so skewed...we bought ds a kitten when he was 8, she's now 17, should I send him a bill for all her costs over the years? . or better still send him the actual bloody cat?

[RedOrangeGoldLeaf]

I think YANBU to be annoyed at being lied to, but tbh the cost of insurance (especially at DDog's age) would dwarf the £600 bill, as a PP said they may well have disclaimed anyway, and with dogs that age they normally put up the excess and demand you pay a percentage of the bill too. So ...
monthly premium x 12 x however many years + however many excesses and whatever % of the bills is probably > just paying the bills.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I would get a second opinion and go halves this time on whatever's suggested for the sake of the animal but your DM got caught out not bothering with insurance like she pretended she'd arranged so she's just digging a bigger hole for herself.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

OP, is your little dog spayed ?
I too would have a fine needle biopsy first.
Possibly, I would have the one near her nipple removed.
With regards to your dog coming to live with you, could you trust your DM, to administer any future medication, she may need ?
I'd bring her home with you, for sure.
Hope all goes well.

[HappyFlappy]

Hard to say from just looking, but if I could gently move that lump I wouldn't worry about it too much, personally, though I would certainly have FNA to ensure it was benign.

[onthettcbus]

Try again

[Lallypopstick]

NormaSmuff are you the OP's mother or something? You have a lot of feelings about this, none of which make sense.

[HappyFlappy]

Your photo didn't post I'm afraid.

The mobility is a good sign, but even malignant lumps tend to be painless in the early stages, so that doesn't tell you much I'm afraid.

I'd go with Cherrysoup's suggestion of FNA, if only to set your own mind at rest.

Have you spoken to the vet yourself? Is there any possibility your DM is mistaken about what s/he said?

[onthettcbus]

Hopefully this will work.

[Cherrysoup]

Can't see a photo? If you can get your finger under and it's moveable, it's highly probable that it's a lipoma. Do get it checked, of course.

[onthettcbus]

It can be moved and it doesn't hurt her to touch them.

[onthettcbus]

This is one of the lumps if anyone has any veterinary knowledge, the other couple are too small to see on camera but can be felt under the skin.

[HappyFlappy]

**

Good point that Mando has made, too. Have you had a feel of the lumps yourself Bus? If they are easy to move, they are most likely nothing to worry about. Malignant lumps are usually very firmly fixed and can't be (gently) pushed about.

[mando12345]

YANBU to be very annoyed with your DM, that is very childish of her to say you should have taken responsibility if you had asked if the insurance was being paid.
Agree with others if soft, fatty and palpable, lumps are fairly normal in older dogs, and my vet despite DD being insured has not advised removal after examination.
And I know you are going to pay for any veterinary care but I pay £60 a month for insurance, so I think you are quids in not having paid so far!

[Cherrysoup]

Waves at HappyFlappy

If you want the dog at your house, will you cope with a new baby, walking the dog, paying for the dog etc?

Re fine needle aspiration, if the vet takes a big enough sample, they may be able to give you an idea immediately.

[HappyFlappy]

Really good advice from Cherrysoup

I have had four westies; one lived to nearly 20, and her two sons to 18. They were covered with harmless fatty lipomas , some of them quite large (plum-sized, which is big on a small dog) The lumps mostly didn't bother the dogs and the only one we had removed was a neck one which caused abrasion against the dog's collar.

If something is unsightly but harmless, I wouldn't interfere with it. Dogs don't fret over their appearance the way we do.

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

So it's your DM's dog when it's cheap and for the company, and it's your dog when it's expensive and you don't even get the benefit of its company? I'd say you need to come to a solution sharpish. Either it's entirely your dog - big and little costs, living with you, etc., or it's entirely your mother's. If your DM doesn't want to pay for the vets bills, then she isn't a responsible owner, and I'd say you'd have very strong grounds to assert that the dog is better with you.

And YANBU to be angry about DM lying to you.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu

I agree it's not that your mum stopped paying the insurance it's that when you asked and offered to set it up, she lied about it. That's not ok.

The dog is yours if you're paying all its costs and should come and live with you.

[Birdsgottaf1y]

Would you clash over the time to get her PTS?

Is the dog a personality that would cope with a move,then a baby and can your house be set up to keep both separate, if needed?

Can you fit a dog into your life for possibly another six years, with the dogs waning health, possibly causing snappiness or needing space?

You haven't had the will to take her previously and is having a new baby a time to get an ill dog?

[HappyFlappy]

I'd get ddog back if I were you- not sure I'd be able to trust my mum after this

This ^

If your mother wants the dog (sounds as though she does), then she has to accept the costs that go with her. If not, then she should let you have the dog at your home. I can'r see how she can complain that you have not taken responsibility when you cover solecists and have offered to take the dog yourself.

However, remember two things -

1. you are soon gong to have a baby to take care of, and dogs, although lovely, are a lot of work.
   
   and
   
   
2. the dog is used to living with your mother and may pine if you take her - especially when your baby takes the lion's share of your attention (which of course, he/she must).

[ohfourfoxache]

Not as upset as she'll be if she gets ill and is in pain and op's mum can't or won't spend anything to get her well

[fj3568]

Her dog not yours simple - hugs

[NormaSmuff]

the dog will be upset to be rehomed away from your mum

[onthettcbus]

Thank you, I will definitely ask for an aspiration first, if they are just fatty lumps that are not at all dangerous then I would prefer her to not be cut open.

[NormaSmuff]

op you lived at home til you were 18?
so you lived with the dog for 3 years.
you got given the dog when you were a child.

why havent you taken the dog to live with you already?