There is a woman on the train with me...

[NotAlice]

Who is literally reading her book aloud.

She started mouthing, then very quietly, almost breathing the words and now she's whispering quite loudly.

She's sitting opposite me and wearing noise cancelling headphones.

It's quite annoying, but also I sometimes find myself accidentally reading aloud and would be mortified if it was me.

Her book is quite racy.

AIBU to somehow let her know??

Oh dear

Perhaps you should quietly let her know!

It'll be that headphone situation where you don't realise you are making a noise.

Make eye contact at a racy bit and waggle your eyebrows.

make 'sex having' gestures at her, like the one where you put your finger through a circle made by the fingers of your other hand.

Hold up a note saying 'Wow, spicy stuff!'

Move to the seat behind her and kick her seat like a toddler. Give her a big grin if she turns to look at you

Spicy stuff

I once sat opposite some one who was tearing pages out of the back of the books she was reading and eating them.

Or you could hold your finger up to your lips to indicate "Ssh"?

Silverdragonfly1

God, she's not talking about her inner goddess doing the merengue with some salsa moves thrown in?

Really obviously take a photo of the book
When she asks what the fuck you're doing, tell her the bits she's read out so far have made you want to read the rest!

She's still doing it!! I think I'm going to google some of the lines and see if I can figure out what it is.

Bloody kindles, hindering stalkerish behaviour.

I have tried to make eye contact but she's engrossed.

It's one of those cross country shuttle commuter trains so we have some time until the next stop...

It's not the latest jilly cooper is it? If it is prepare yourself for sex scenes where the male protagonist thinks that saying "buttercunt" to a woman is highly erotic.

I work with someone like this who reads out every single email she gets in a loud whisper. And the answers as she types too. I will check on her taste in literature next week ...

OMG silver I love it. Maybe I could do an illustration and show her it.

Breakfast I snorted at that. Unfortunately the man next to me, who has clearly noticed the reading too, noticed said snort and gave me a look. I think he thinks I'm laughing at the naughty bits of the novel.

We must know what book it is. Give us some lines!

Oh god op, this has brought back a hideous memory I was on a bus, when I realised I was having the conversation going on inside my head ALOUD!
Please tell her!

Stuff the book.
Check out which brand of headphones she's wearing.
They're obviously very /too effective

OK there's someone called Nora, I think she's the main character.

Seriously she's still going. It's been fifteen minutes!! There was a bit of silence when her phone buzzed but then she started again, v quietly and gradually louder.

I think I have to say/do something, the train isn't packed but isn't empty either

A gentle "could you shut the fuck up" would be appropriate

I feigned a coughing fit. She didn't notice and is still going.

I need to know what book this is. The protagonist appears to be shagging both zack and "sofa"!? (I must have misheard. Speak up, train lady!)

buttercunt

Gather everyone on the train to sit and look at her like at toddler storytime. She might not notice one person, she'll probably notice 20 or so eager faces...

When dm is thinking through a conversation she speaks both parts, including the changes etc. Can be useful when she's planning on giving me grief about something - I even find out what not to say.

She has no idea she's doing it and does worry that she'll get locked up if the wrong person hears her

buttercunt? Think he's been watching "Last Tango in Paris" movie