How did you get on today?
You sound a bit like me, I like to keep things relaxed, so having it sprung on you last minute almost causes a slight panic. How will I entertain R all day? What if he gets bored? Then your mind creates more and more scenarios that make you feel uncomfy.
Chances are she had childcare sorted but it was pulled at the last minute, or the course is overbooked, so she only got a place after another person dropped out at the last minute.
I do appreciate being older that when we were growing up there was a communal attitude to having children around, it was never really thought of. In those days women were SAHM and house keepers, maybe they had a part time job when DH got home, so it wasn't unusual to have DC flitting from house to house.
I totally understand that situations are a lot different now, the laissez fairs attitude to your kids being out with a trusted adult has somewhat diminished, parents take on responsibility themselves generally, never dreaming that if their DC happened to be round at tea time, so much was cooked an extra portion wasn't an issue.
I'm really lucky that being ill I have support from family who step up to look after DD & DS. They have a friend, their Mum is a bit old school in that with her DC being an only child, she welcomes extra DC round so her child has more interaction. The child child has Aspergers like issues, so having other DC around, allows her to see how he behaves, reacts and communicates with other DC. The other day spur of the moment they all went out somewhere and had a lovely time.
Ideally whilst R is good on computers, it's not healthy for it to be an all day every day thing for them. I'm sure she appreciates your routine is different, she likely hopes that R will thrive, where at times it's a struggle for you.
I don't know how today went, but in the future, if there are apparent issues, like boredom, don't feel afraid to speak to R's Mother and say we struggled to keep him focussed, my DS got a bit stressed as he didn't know what to do to help. So any guidance would be amazing.
I remember whilst both DC were having surfing lessons, it took me 3 hours to walk back up the beach as it was low tide. I was collecting shells, stones, sticks that had been in the sea etc. I asked for help as my hands were full as there was some fishing rope in pieces washed up, I just wanted help picking them up. I got speaking to the parent, their DC was highly autistic, a bit older and DD, very very clever, but was pretty much mute. The parent was with their family, the other parent was really struggling with the intensity of it all, so they had a week at home to get rest over going on holiday. I found it really interesting speaking to the parent, I knew of severely autistic adults, but never had met a child. Whilst the parent was interacting with the elder child, I tried interacting with the younger. It was an eye opener. Pretty much how lucky we were that even though I'm ill, at present both DC seem unaffected. Whilst the child was mute, they had no fear, they could tackle the most intricate of locks. Alarms had to be put on doors, even then the child knew how to disable them. The parent said it was really nice speaking to someone interested in the bigger picture, where at home parents either avoided the family, or if they tried to assist, it was unhelpful, with opinions like you just need more discipline, which obviously wasn't possible. I would say your friend sees you as an asset as you see a child not the disability, even though it's stressful for you when it's sprung on you at the 11th hour.
Maybe speaking to any of R's direct carers, I'm assuming Mum does most of it. Find out if she has counselling and support, by a professional experienced in dealing with parents of children on the ASD. I can imagine at times it feels like a whirlwind, so they overlook basic resources and services that could help.
You sound like such an amazing kind and caring person. If you want me to make some activities as a back up, even for your DC, I'm more than happy to help. My background is Management, but I did study teaching, I also studied teaching methods, home schooling etc. I don't get the chance to do what I'd like, but it would be an honour to create some materials to help parents during holidays. DC are spoilt with their own consoles, plus access to computers wherever they go, it's hard dragging them away from technology.
I don't know how old you are, but I grew up in the 70's and 80's where life was very different. You could take yourself away exploring with friends. That's not a luxury available to many now. It's a shame, it's just we're more aware of dangers and society is different now. In my day you'd be lucky to have a car per family, instead now situations where if you have older children, you can have 4 cars for one household.
So putting my thinking cap on and creating resources that would allow adventures, experimentation and discovery, but in a different environment, would be a pleasure.
Hopefully after a long day with R you could unwind with a nice bath or a treat like wine, a takeaway, ice cream, whatever your go to treat is.
I think you've highlighted, that as a society we need to look at families with disabled children, looking at being inclusive like you do so amazingly. So education and support for you is also important. For you finding out R's strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, would be helpful. Again I could think of some relevant questions to ask R's Mum so you have all the information possible. If you have another situation like yesterday, you'll feel more prepared and at ease.
My DS & DD are so caring, they get that from not only growing up with my health issues, but being around friends of my parents and grandparents who are older. Such experience is invaluable.
Finally, I know some said that your DS needs to get over himself or stop being a baby. I saw a few comments like that. I don't know what support R has at his current school, but my DD accompanies her friend to sessions where they focus on different things. So the onus isn't only on the child but close friends to. It must be really hard as I'm guessing DS is due his SATs which schools go crazy over, plus it's a big responsibility being R's only friend. I guess DS could feel some what trapped. Not wanting to hurt R, but finding it challenging all the same.
Wishing you all the best for the Easter weekend. I hope you have a nice relaxing time.