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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is it just lack of sleep?

33 replies

Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 03:56

My ds(2) is not a good sleeper. We are staying with my in laws for a few days. He sleeps in the room next to the kitchen. He actually went to sleep without a huge fuss tonight and at a reasonable time. I got about 2 hours sleep before I was woken by him screaming. Turns out fil had gone to make himself a cuppa and was making a fair bit of noise opening and closing cupboards for some reason. My little boy was very upset at being woken like that and is still awake 3 and a half hours later (screaming every time I try to put him in the travel circle and jumping on the bed if I try to take him in with me. He is happily playing with his cars right now.
My aibu is this - my fil made himself a cuppa and disappeared back to bed. I'm rather annoyed that he didn't 1 - look in on the screaming child that he woke up, 2 - apologise for waking ds or at least 3 - offer to make me a cuppa too. Aibu?

OP posts:
pinkiepie1 · 13/04/2017 04:05

No yanbu! I would be beyond pissed off.
The least he could have done was make u a drink, after all its his fault you and your dc are awake.

Original poster
Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 04:20

Thanks Pinkiepie. I don't think I am bu. I'm not expecting fil to stay up with ds, but a bit of common courtesy wouldn't have gone amiss.

OP posts:
FurryElephant · 13/04/2017 04:25

I think I would go and sit the baby outside their bedroom door playing. Then play some really obnoxious music on my phone there too. Or go and scream wtf did he think he was doing. You're a lot calmer than I would be! YANBU!

hmcAsWas · 13/04/2017 04:29

Yabu - you said yourself your ds is a poor sleeper, that is hardly FIL's fault. Perhaps FIL could and should have been quieter (although it is his house), but you can't expect the kitchen to be off limits when ds is in bed.

I sympathise though - I hope he settles soon

Original poster
Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 04:29

Don't worry Furry - my mil will be furious with him when I "let it slip" what happened. He will probably be banished to the shed!

OP posts:
Original poster
Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 04:31

Hmc - I'm not expecting the kitchen to be out of bounds, but he could have offered me a cuppa Smile

OP posts:
Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 13/04/2017 04:41

Perhaps FiL is trying to hint at something?

hmcAsWas · 13/04/2017 05:00

True - perhaps he felt awkward and embarrassed about waking your ds so scuttled off quickly leaving the scene of the crime! Hopefully he will apologise later this morning

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/04/2017 05:35

I'd swap rooms around so it doesn't happen again. Your fil will likely forget to be quiet again tonight. And no, YANBU. But in his place, I imagine he didn't know what to do so he scarpered pronto.

BreatheDeep · 13/04/2017 06:02

He should have offered a drink but I agree he was probably sheepish and didn't know what to do.

UrbanYokel · 13/04/2017 06:16

Yanbu

flumpybear · 13/04/2017 06:46

I'd have the baby in the room with me I think to help stop this. Your FIL is a pain - inner he'd be quiet if it was his wife sleeping in the room next door!!

Mysterycat23 · 13/04/2017 07:07

YANBU. Common sense to be a bit quieter than usual when there's a sleeping LO in the house?!

arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2017 07:10

Would your fil have known that you would want a cuppa? If that happened to me, I would have checked dc was ok, told them it was still bedtime, put them back in their cot, ignored any screaming (as that's a tantrum isn't it?), and gone back to bed myself. I wouldn't have wanted a cuppa.

BertrandRussell · 13/04/2017 07:11

How do you know he made a lot of noise?

Trifleorbust · 13/04/2017 07:18

How old is he? I wouldn't have my skittish toddler sleeping 'in a room off the kitchen' in a strange house. Obviously he is going to be scared. Why can't he go in with you, or have your room and you sleep off the kitchen?

Amockingjayhey · 13/04/2017 07:25

Ohhh that's bad I'm sorry you've had such a terrible night.

Yanbu he should have been quiet but you can't really stop people making drinks in their own home.
Could you suggest that you move the kettle and some mugs and teabags to the living room while you're staying. And then someone would just have to creep in to get some milk ?

Original poster
Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 08:04

Thank you for all the replies.
My ds sleeps in that room due to space. The only other places his cot would fit are in the living room or in the kitchen itself. Neither are ideal!
As for putting him back down to sleep and letting him scream, well, I was trying to be considerate to everyone else in the house. He can get upset for an extended period and I didn't think it was fair on every other member of the household to be kept awake.
I know he may have been embarrassed at waking ds (or maybe it was the thought of seeing me in my flannel pjs), but I was surprised that he didn't come in to apologise or offer to help out. Maybe I'm just projecting there because that's what I would have done if the shoe was on the other foot.
Anyway, ds finally went back to sleep about 5 and I've been granted special dispensation to stay in bed for a long lie. I'm making the most of it by browsing on MN. (I would try to sleep, but there is too much noise 😉)

OP posts:
UppityHumpty · 13/04/2017 08:45

Sleep him in the living room with either you or your partner on the sofa. YABU - can't expect the kitchen to be out of bounds while your baby sleeps. It's not fair on anyone

Trifleorbust · 13/04/2017 09:32

Again, how old is he? Are you and all the other adults upstairs whilst he is downstairs in his cot? Maybe I have this wrong. Why can't he stay in your room with you?

Original poster
Marmalady75 · 13/04/2017 10:44

If he slept in the living room then the tv and lights would be switched off around 8pm. It's not my house, so I tend to go with the flow about sleeping arrangements.
Ds is 2 and used to his own room at home. There is no room for the travel cot in the room we sleep in.
I don't expect people to avoid the kitchen. I wasn't annoyed about that. I was annoyed that my fil didn't pop in to see if everything was ok or to offer a drink.

OP posts:
FairytalesAreBullshit · 13/04/2017 10:59

I'm in two minds because you're staying at their house, yes FIL should try and be quiet, but kettles can be noisy, so it might have happened anyway. If I was him I'd think oh DS & DIL are here, they'll see to him. I don't think he owes an apology at all, if he wanted a drink it's his house.

Have a word with DH, saying, if possible can you ask FIL to be quieter, DC was up several hours so will be grouchy today.

DH might say we're guests in their house, we can't tell them what to do.

If DH won't have a word, maybe say to MIL, really really sorry to be a pain, but FIL was banging about and woke up DC, who then thought it was playtime. Can you ask FIL if he could be a bit quieter, so shattered from DC's late night antics. I'm really sorry again, I know this is your house.

Hopefully all will be sorted.

UppityHumpty · 13/04/2017 11:37

Tbh in this situation the 2 yo would sleep in the bed with us. I think you're over-engineering this OP

PastaOfMuppets · 13/04/2017 12:57

Old people are loud and don't care if they wake other people's children. They bang cupboard doors, stir spoons and drop them in the sink loudly, slap slippers on the floor as they shuffle around. Then when their noise wakes up someone else's kids they pretend it wasn't their fault (because they pretend they don't think they've been noisy), that children should sleep through normal noise, that it's parents' - and no one else's - responsibility to run around exhausted after sleep refusing toddlers.

... or maybe I'm just projecting what I think my ILs do ...

OP, yanbu!! That sucks.

Another thing that stands out a mile in your OP is the fact that you don't mention your DP, even though you're in DP's parents' house and share a child. Why didn't your DP share the nighttime shift with you and make you a cup of tea? Why was it all up to you?

BertrandRussell · 13/04/2017 13:02

"Old people are loud and don't care if they wake other people's children."

Yeah- of course they are. Hmm

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