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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think post natal wards are absolute shit?

328 replies

SprogletsMum · 12/04/2017 17:43

I had ds2 this morning and have been put onto a full 4 bay ward.

2 of the 3 other women have been quiet most of the day but one keeps ringing people all day long. There has not been a single minute of quiet all day.
I've been awake since 1am and I'm shattered but she just won't shut up.
I'm going home to the other 3 dc for some peace and quiet as soon as ds2s 12 hours of obs are up.

OP posts:
ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 12/04/2017 21:55

TheLady Try not to second guess it or worry too much. Second time round for me was just as awful but differently awful. I worried about it for six months and it turned out as hostile and nasty as the first time. It probably will be as terrible as you anticipate but at least this time you know for a fact that the moment you get home it'll be bliss. Good luck.

stroan · 12/04/2017 21:55

I had a great experience post-natal, private room for 3 nights meant DH could stay (after he signed a sheet to say he wouldn't take his clothes off or drink alcohol Hmm). I needed a blood transfusion 2 days later so it was great to have him there.

Antenatal was a whole different ball game. I was admitted with breathing difficulties on a Saturday night- didn't sleep a wink with all the chatting on the ward and lights going on and off. No-one else was more than 15 weeks pregnant. They decided to induce me but I begged to go home for a good night sleep first.

Returned the next day to the same ward, new set of patients. Didn't sleep for 60 hours until I was finally 4cms then sobbed on a midwife because it meant I could leave the room. The noise was just unreal, despite earplugs. Two of the other girls had long discussions about various drugs they had been taking when they got pregnant. They ordered tea and toast at 3am so all the lights went on while they laughed and joked with the staff. One of them kept telling DH that he shouldn't be allowed in the ward because her husband was Tunisian and didn't approve. And one appointed herself contraction coach, kept poking her head round the curtain and offering me chewing gum to take the pain away.

I was so close to discharging myself, kept crying with exhaustion and was terrified about giving birth when I was so tired.

Dinocat · 12/04/2017 21:58

Awful, awful, awful. I had traumatic birth with complications that nearly killed me and yet I still think of my time on postnatal as the worst part of my whole experience.

Zero sleep, incredibly hot, bright lights that stayed on all night, bloody endless Bounty visits, rank food, having to ask for my medication instead of being given it anywhere near the correct time, noisy patients/visitors (I mean endless shouting into mobile phones).

Also having to listen to one obviously very poorly baby overnight one of the nights was traumatic, and his poor mother weeping all night-her lack of privacy and counsel was shocking.

I even got told off for ringing the buzzer for help when i tried to get up to change DDs nappy, only to discover one of the midwives had trapped my catheter in the bars of the bed! I then had to wait so long for them to do anything about it I genuinely thought the bag would burst, I had to ask 3 times! I've never felt so vulnerable, patronised or belittled in my life.

LPWimsey · 12/04/2017 22:12

My stay was horrendous. I had a massive bleed about a hour after I had given birth, and the nurse came and tutted at me and said "Well, you've ruined those sheets haven't you!" As though I was draining NHS linen resources by inconveniently haemorrhaging. She then made waddle wrapped in the sheets to the bathroom to clean myself up ~ I was so out of it, I did as she said ~ but really, is that normal practice?

Then, I couldn't get my DS to latch on and another nurse came and did more tutting, sniped that she could tell I hadn't paid attention in pre-natal classes and asked me not to bother again as she was very busy.

This was combined with the wretched Bounty women hovering around, overflowing bins, tropical heat, no air, and a poor woman opposite crying her eyes out and begging for her catheter to be taken out before her children came to visit. (It wasn't) Honestly, it was like a paupers' hospital from the 1860s - an absolutely scarring experience. I still have nightmares.
.

LineysRun · 12/04/2017 22:18

Yes - belittled - that's how I felt.

If I'd been strictly a medical patient - which I actually was, what with the actual medical problems and everything - I doubt I'd have been treated like the shit off the staff's shoes.

I did wonder if the ones on nights were in any way medically qualified. They didn't seem remotely interested in giving out prescribed medication for high blood pressure, or anti-biotics, or other medical issues, even when asked.

Ifonlyiweretaller · 12/04/2017 22:23

I'm shocked how many YANBU posts there are, it is not good reading. I had my first DS nearly 30 years ago and it was the most horrendous post natal experience. He was in special care, I got major infection after emergency c-section & wasn't allowed to see him for 5 days, i actually remember vividly waking up in recovery shivering and there being no- one there to help me. I was using breast pump but having to throw away the milk due to antibiotics I was taking. Not one iota of support from staff. Looking back I maybe did have PMSD as I still blame myself for the detached way I was with my son for his first few years.
The second was little better - pre eclampsia again so in hospital for weeks. Got rushed down to theatre as blood pressure too high then the nurse started talking about inducing me! If I hadn't told her I was there for emergency c-section god knows if I'd still be here today!
The trouble is we don't complain ! We're so happy to be leaving with our child/re. It's only later that we realise...

Livethroughthis · 12/04/2017 22:27

Both times I was looked after so well. The first time admittedly I had a private room as I had to stay for a week. But the midwives had so much time for me and helped me establish breastfeeding and sat with me when I was upset.
Dc 2 I asked to stay another night because I felt really really emotional and felt safer there. I can't praise the staff enough. The only thing I was t as keen on second time round was partners staying (they couldn't first time) but I would have wanted dh there first time round (second time he was with dc1) so I tried to be understanding. These were both at a hospital that 'requires improvement' too!

lakeswimmer · 12/04/2017 22:28

YABU - only because you are lumping every unit together.
This ^ I had a great experience with DC1 who was born at a small Midwife Led Unit 14 years ago. I stayed a week and didn't want to go home but eventually felt I should leave before becoming institutionalised Smile

The staff were lovely and supportive and spent lots of time showing me how to breastfeed. If I was feeding in the night they were always on hand to offer tea and toast and I enjoyed spending time with the other women on my ward - there was a real sense of camaraderie and hugs every time one of us left to go home.

When I had DC2 I was put in a private room and I really missed having other Mums to chat to so I went home the morning after the birth

Pigface1 · 12/04/2017 22:29

It's when reading stories like this that I think it's crazy what we put up with in this country just because it's free (at the point of service). I mean women on here are describing genuinely appalling treatment.

In Denmark women and their families get put up in maternity ' hotels' for three nights after giving birth!!

Price of having lower taxes and a huge population I guess!

blue2014 · 12/04/2017 22:47

God, I thought it was just my experience but yes post natal ward was utterly horrible I begged to be discharged

God this is so sad (because labour wards were amazing)

Congrats by the way OP Flowers

glueandstick · 12/04/2017 22:49

My experience was so bad that reading his thread has given me flashbacks and I can't stop crying.

I regularly remember bits and have panic attacks.

I've been promised full private care if number 2 ever happens. When I say promised, my husband dares not suggest otherwise.

This is 2017. Why is the shit awful care still allowed to happen? At its worst it is impacting the mental health of mothers for years.

Crunchyside · 12/04/2017 22:51

I've been unsure whether to try for a home birth or not this time round but this thread has convinced me!

GplanAddict · 12/04/2017 23:06

Wow, I'm so sorry that so many of you have had such awful experiences. And congratulations OP!

I had to be gently told it was time to go home after 7 days! I still daydream about being there again. Its a midwife led unit with 6 or so bays and a few private rooms and the bays are in actual bays (like window bays) if that makes sense. In the centre is an oak table and the plain clothes midwives encourage the new mums to eat together, and the food is good!!
At 10pm every evening the hca brings hot chocolate to you and on one occasion my newborn was taken for a bath and a cuddle in the staff room while I had a nap.
My husband and 2 other children were welcome anytime but we could go to a conservatory so as not to disturb the others.

It's how it should be for everyone!!

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 12/04/2017 23:12

My first experience the staff were lovely, but the ward was dirty cramped hot and smelly. My baby was in PICU and I spent a lot of time sobbing as the lady in the bed next to me kept telling her family to take the baby home so she could rest at night, wouldn't comfort the poor thing when it cried and complained about feeding it at night. She used to have about 5 visitors, one under five, visit every day and eat a curry with her but the rules stated 2 visitors at max and there really wasn't room for two! I had to have an EMCS, so was immobile and very vulnerable and the womans husband walked through my curtains to come borrow my chair twice, although the third tome he did it I had a visitor who thankfully gave him enough of an earful he never came through my curtains again. The other six ladies on the ward and I were sick of her very quickly. Staff were polite but didn't have much time although they did try to help when they could. Noone from the neonatal ICU was talking to the midwives so I didn't even know how ill my DD was, when she got moved to specialist hospital they moved me to a private room, still dirty and cramped but at least it was quiet.

I can't even explain how different my experience with DD2 was, still NHS but a different hospital in a different county. (6months ago) I had a stay in before she was born, had a private room, it was quiet and had windows and a fan which meant I had complete control of the temperature bliss I had an issue getting my drip changed when it ran out (iv antibiotics and fluids) but a HCP when she realised that noone had been dealt with it quickly and even came and sat with me when i had a breakdown and couldn't stop crying, she must have been there half an hour calming me down and convincing me that DD2 was fine (my scans showed she was I was in because I was ill not her). They bought my meals three times a day and regularly came round to check i had water etc, they also changed the water in the hugs fairly regularly so it was never stale and warm.
After my planned section I was put on a 4 bed ward, it was bigger than the 8 bed ward i was on with DD1 and with only 4 of us sharing it it felt huge. Everyone had their own fan if they wanted it so it wasn't too hot and the nurses were lovely. Noone complained if I had my curtains closed, they supported me with breast feeding, and the other women + their visitors were always respectful. Bathroom was immaculate as was the ward and the food was really good. When i was in pain and paracetamol+ibuprofen wasn't cutting it they offered then produced oromorph without hesitation. Also when I was having issues toileting on night two a nurse took DDto the nurses desk where they cood over her cuddled her and got her to sleep while I spent about half hour on the loo, then bought her back to me. They were even surprised when they realised I was changing DD and lifting her in and out of the crib on my own on my first night because they said as I couldn't stand they were more than happy to help. I didn't need them to but the fact they offered and I knew help was there if it was needed was wonderful.

I am so sorry to hear so many hospitals are so poor, and although I'm horrified none of the stuff on this thread seems far fetched for some things I've seen in hospitals, but for anyone reading this thread who is about to go into hospital and may stay, there are good ones.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 12/04/2017 23:14

Blush sorry for the essay

SprogletsMum · 13/04/2017 00:01

I managed to get home 13 hours after he was born.
The staff that I saw were lovely, no complaints there it was purely the other selfish witches having loud phone conversations all day.
I'm off to sleep now I've been awake for close on 24 hours 😴😴

OP posts:
felinewonderful · 13/04/2017 00:27

Yanbu I thought it was awful, understaffed, hot, bright, noisy and very unhelpful staff most of the time.

Couldn't wait to get out of there

packofshunts · 13/04/2017 07:45

YANBU Awful, loud, bright, hot

Am sure the woman in bed next to me thought it was party time. Visitor after visitor, permanently making or taking calls. I was literally begging to go home

MiaowTheCat · 13/04/2017 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iamastonished · 13/04/2017 08:04

I think things have changed a lot in the 16 years since I had DD. She was born in a bog standard local general hospital, and the care and support we both received was brilliant.
DD wouldn't feed and we couldn't go home until she did, so I ended up staying for 5 nights.

Visitors weren't allowed to outstay their welcome, partners weren't allowed to stay overnight and none of the new mums had hundreds of visitors. The hospital was clean, and the loos and bathrooms were very private.

beepbeeprichie · 13/04/2017 08:04

YANBU. I was in for 3 days with DC1. In that time there was a reasonable turnover of mums and babies in the ward. Some poor girl was being induced and didn't get a wink of sleep due to the other babies all crying at various intervals throughout the night. She was exhausted by the morning and still had labour to start.
I'm aware of 2 women who were on a ward while their babies were in ICU. They just had photos on their phones. Can you imagine? Lying there while visitors and new babies and strangers are all around and you have no baby beside you? That is inhumane.
As for some of the stories on here- I'm a firm believer that if men had to go through this then conditions would be much better. There seems to be an attitude of "you'll need to get on with it sooner or later so let's make it sooner" to force new mums to be "self sufficient" and it's all nature/ what we were built for. It is an appalling attitude.

Falconhoof1 · 13/04/2017 08:19

My first experience was awful. I was SOOOO tired hungry but didn't realise they put my food out on a table on the ward so went without for hours. I was in shock after a very long and difficult birth but no one came to see if i was ok. There was also a truly horrible nurse on the ward. I had a catheter in and when she took it out she was really rough and i cried in pain. She just told me it wasn't sore and walked off. I was in for 3 days, had no sleep and couldn't wait to get home. But at the end of the day i had my gorgeous DD so didn't feel like i could complain.
My mum had a fantastic experience over 40 years ago though- excellent treatment/food etc so things do seen to be getting worse.

jellyfrizz · 13/04/2017 08:28

Lack of care, temperature, light, noise, lack of privacy, food, lack of fluids, drugs being given late (if at all), rudeness from staff, obnoxious fellow patients & visitors, filthy bathrooms etc

All of these things and then they start bloody drilling in the corridor.

It went into special measures not too long after.

jellyfrizz · 13/04/2017 08:35

To be fair I know people who have given birth there since and it has improved greatly.

Iamastonished · 13/04/2017 08:53

As far as I know the hospital I had DD in still has a good reputation. The support I had when trying to breastfeed DD was second to none. Most of the midwives who looked after me had breastfed their own and knew what they were talking about.