To Think My Obesity Isn't a Public Issue?

[Hesdeadjim]

I'm obese.

I've dropped 30lbs since new years day and it's all going swimmingly. I'm no longer morbidly obese (huzzah!) but I'm still "normal" obese.

Anyway!

Today I was dishing out my lunch and a colleague decided to critique it for me and tell me all the places I'm going wrong with my diet, which, in her opinion, is why I'm "the size I am" This is a pretty common thing to happen in our work place, I work with a few people with no filter.

1. You shouldnt have dressing on your salad (it was full fat ceasar)
2. Don't add cheese (full fat parmasan)
3. Avocados are bad because they are high calorie (there was half an avocado)
4. You need more protein so you dont snack later (there was 200g chicken breast on there)
5. You only need to eat breakfast OR lunch, not both (I had a coffee with double cream in it for breakfast).

So I explained that I'm on a high fat, low carb way of eating and doing well on it so far, to which she wrinkled her nose and said it's a fad diet and will never work. I should eat low carb AND low fat to lose weight. I did my usual "aah thanks for the advice, I'll bear that in mind" conversation dodge and retreated to clean up my lunch prep.

This then sparked another colleague to chip in and start a whole discussion about obesity related disease and how people are fat through choice. He thought I couldn't hear because I was around the corner behind the fridge door so it wasn't meant to hurt me or anything. The conversation progressed to chatting about how they'd seen documentaries where people were eating doughnuts and takeaways then wondering why they were fat. It wasn't a nice conversation. I slammed the fridge door loudly as i left but I don't think it registered.

AIBU to be fed up about being a bloody conversation starter? My weight is my problem and I completely, whole heartedly accept responsibility for it but I don't think it pre-qualifies me for a life of feeling shit about myself because other people make assumptions about my lifestyle??

I've had comments at the gym before which have stopped me going and even out for walks with my dogs I overheard a couple saying "poor dogs clearly never get walked"... fyi my dogs are walked 4 miles a day everyday and we do a 12 mile walk most weekends

I feel properly rubbish now and as if no matter how much weight I lose I'm always going to feel the need to apologize for myself I'm sick of people making assumptions about my health because of my weight and tired of feeling the need to explain the food I eat to everyone. THere was a guy sat at a table in the lunch area munching down on a massive chunk of birthday cake while the conversation was happening today and no one batted an eye.

Sorry, needed to get that out. Feeling properly crap.

Aye aye captain

So I explained that I'm on a high fat, low carb way of eating and doing well on it so far, to which she wrinkled her nose and said it's a fad diet and will never work. I should eat low carb AND low fat to lose weight. I did my usual "aah thanks for the advice, I'll bear that in mind" conversation dodge and retreated to clean up my lunch prep.

You were very restrained. I'd have told her to FOTTFSOF personally.
30lb since January is great! You're more likely to keep it off if you lose it slowly too.

I have a range of health problems and last year spent most of it on steroids due to my asthma. I still did as much walking and exercise as I could and watched what I ate. I had a 'friend' say to me "I can't understand why you're still overweight with all the exercise you do".
Needless to say, we ain't friends anymore.
Bit harder to do that with colleagues you work with daily though admittedly.

What a pack of rude arseholes.

And this!
Every time I walk past the door staff at work with a frozen yogurt/ ice cream/ twix whatever the hell I fancied 5 hours into a 9 hour shift I get a "that'll be harder to shift after baby is born" or "is it sugar time then?" even "are you sure you want to eat that?" once!!! They are three men. Its humiliating.

Aaargh! FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
(I think you can kill them. No jury would convict, etc....)

funny they're only concerned about your health but in my experience they never berate people who sit in blazing hot sunshine by a pool for a fortnight

Mysteriouscurle yep. I got this on the resp ward. For context. The physio told me "you're not obese. you're just a little overweight". Erm thanks.

Whenever I was admitted they'd be the comment from someone about the weight. There was none to the several other smokers who were also inpatients though.

Hesdead - your results speak for themselves. You have achieved a fantastic loss and been very inspiring on the Bootcamp thread.
Many people do not understand lchf but the tide is turning.
This way of eating does not leave you knackered or hungry either.

Yanbu. I heard Someone saying "why are you not dead from type 2 diabetes" behind my back. I was absolutely mortified and so upset, I have lost 29lbs in 5 months since this.
You've done fab, but this kind of thing hurts

Lindy West wrote an excellent book called Shrill which talks about the way the general public respond to, critique and monitor fat women. She is a bit of a hero of mine and reading that book made me reconsider my attitude towards obesity.

Yanbu. Your colleagues are assholes. Good luck with your diet OP x

This rang a bell, I too am doing LCHF and have lost weight (gone from obese to overweight, but lost a stone). I get comments too on it! - it's mainly because people have been fed the 'low fat diet' stuff for so long...as well as them being rude. Even though low fat itself can be considered a fad, a fad which has caused people to get fatter as they replaced fat with sugar and carbs (which I'm sure you will know about and anyone who knows about LCHF or has done reading into it).

YANBU.

Maybe rise above it and remember they just don't get it. I get the same stuff from a relative who is very young and thin, and a vegan, and makes a big thing about me not having carbs (even though I say nothing about her, to me, odd diet). Sigh.

It doesn't matter what you eat or don't eat or what size you are. Comments about other people's food or physique are extremely rude and inappropriately personal.

Hesdead I get comments in work about cream in my coffee and my lunch food choices. I've a bmi of 23. They tell me I'll have to watch it or, y'know, I'll get fatter. Yada yada yada, smell my chinese five spiced belly pork. The perception that fat is bad is so ingrained in people they can't help themselves.

A colleague of mine has been on a diet for 2 years now. I wouldn't dream of asking her weight/bmi but she hasn't lost anything overall. It's the old yo-yo, some pounds off, relax a bit, all back on, start again. Get the green superfood shakes out. Go to slimming world. Get fed up/too hungry/life throws a curve ball/go on hols/Christmas/easter/birthday celebrations. Start all over again. Round and round it goes. She asks me what/why I'm eating and I say what and why. Scepticism and cat's bum face! I really hope one day she tries LCHF, I hate to see her struggling. It might not work for her, who knows, but then again it might where nowt else has so far.

The point being you have tried it, and it's working for you. So fuck what anyone else thinks. They're at best ill informed and at worst rude. You're doing alright and that's what you want and that's all that matters.

kleptronic I know of a ww leader who is forever up and down with their weight. I just kept thinking if they stopped changing their 'plans' every five sodding minutes. Their members and leaders might have more sustainable losses.

LovelyBath yes I totally agree. I remember listening to a doctor on a celebrity weight loss programme years ago warning of the dangers of low fat products being replaced with sugar. There was back then (dont know if they've changed I wont buy them) something like the equivalent of six teaspoons of sugar in a mullerlight. If someone put six teaspoons of sugar in your cuppa you'd turn your nose up at it but because this was marketed as 'light' no one was any the wiser.

Your obesity becomes a public issue when you squash people sitting next to you on trains etc. "Would you please keep your body to yourself" is a reasonable request.

Its not actually its passive aggressive and rude, since people cant actually remove their bodies on the spot.

Yanbu.

Doesn't get any better at the other end of the size range though sadly. I have dropped from a 20-22 to a 6/8 and now get comments that I don't eat enough (I eat loads!), exercise too much (3-4 hours a week), am too thin, need to put weight on etc.

Some people just can't help interfering!

Jesus god the diet police. Back in the days I actually worked in an office there was a clique of women who criticised EVERYTHING everyone ate. Everything.

You do not need to justify your lunch to anyone. Do not launch into a defence of your diet. Do not JADE (justify apologise defend or explain.)

If it happens again, look puzzled, say something like : "it's really tasty. I love avocados 🥑. Are you ok? You're very... preoccupied with food? "

I had to listen to these idiots dissect every bloody calorie in the office. At the time I was a tiny size 8, (alas no more) and was shoving a chocolate bar in my face one morning when one of them made a snarky remark. I laughed in her face and did 'yeah I just had a ten k run before work, I'm bloody starving - do you want some?'

Well done on losing 30lb - that's a real achievement. Weight loss can threaten people, but that's their issue, not yours.

32lbs down as of this morning

I don't spill over train seats so that's ok then

Just had my morning coffee with double cream and had a 'Easter treats eh?' Comment from a work friend... I death stared and he backed off

Good. No apologising. No defending, no justifying.

silence works on most people. They can't bear it.

Well done on the weight loss. Enjoy the coffee.

YANBU- I really hate that people discuss weight so much. I have reached a point that I don't t even like people commenting when I have lost weight - it should be a topic of conversation unless I bring it up.

I've lost 46lbs since Jan on LCHF and still want to avoid telling anyone how as high fat is considered so unhealthy! Even though it's working it still feels like I'm got good against what a diet should be!

Wow, that's a phenomenal weight loss! Good on you. Clearly HFLC is the right way for you.

I've lost a lot of weight (2 1/2 stone since October). I'm doing SW - but I don't really like sweetener so I have normal (plain yoghurt) and syn it! It's working for me by all means stick with what works for you. Reality is not everything works for everyone. If one 'diet' fitted all, someone would have made a fortune. Actually the diet/weight loss world is massive and makes a fortune out of people trying and failing at dieting!

I've gone from obese to overweight. Interestingly I had people saying to me that I carried my weight well and they didn't realise I was obese. I look back at photos and realise that was bull! Now I'm getting compliments but am in the zone of 'Surely you won't lose any more?!'. Er, yes, I'm still overweight for my height. I'm aiming to be the top end of my 'healthy' weight range, need to lose about another 1/2 stone. People are horrified at the thought of me losing more though!

Weight is a strange concept. It does seem like people think they have the right to comment on all sorts. They tell you how you can lose weight, they tell you you're doing it wrong! I had someone who couldn't understand how I ate more than her but was losing weight....I think with your colleagues I would say I'm sure you're trying to help but I'm quite happy as I am thank you! and repeat until they get the message!

Ethylred You are a charmer, aren't you?
Hesdead Good response with the death stare. I've just had my creamy coffee and it is a treat, but a twice or thrice daily one. I bloody love creamy coffee and the fact I can drink it and still lose weight.
ASD I don't tend to mention my woe for similar reasons. Can be frustrating when others feel free to comment when I (or Hesdead in this case) aren't bringing the subject up.
Anatidae I like that JADE acronym, I'll remember that.

Your obesity becomes a public issue when you squash people sitting next to you on trains etc. "Would you please keep your body to yourself" is a reasonable request.

Afraid you rather outed yourself there in that post Katie Hopkins.

Congrats on your fantastic weight loss achievement you should be super proud of yourself!!

I will never ever understand why some people feel they can be so rude! I was brought up not to make personal comments. I keep my opinions to myself unless they're invited.

FWIW she's talking complete bollocks about your diet. My MIL is another one who completely believes the low fat dogma. I've wasted so much time and effort trying to persuade her otherwise but she is convinced that diabetes is caused by pizza and crisps and will not hear otherwise.

PS. Avocados are bad!!! Ridiculous!!!

Ethylred You are bloody rude