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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there Confused. He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 12/04/2017 18:24

My grandaughter has got coeliac disease and is hyper sensitive to gluten. I've taken her out a few times and always have food for her in my bag - but I must admit that I have never just fed her, I've always asked if they have anything suitable for her or shall I feed her what I've brought myself. I've never had an issue and most places are super helpful. Given the low margins on kids food, I'm not really surprised that they were unhappy with you. Perhaps next time I'd check before you order that they are happy for you to do so?

millsbynight · 12/04/2017 18:24

Christ on a bike OP have you heard of Health & Safety? You can't bring your own food on to a licensed premises because they are only allowed to serve what they are regulated to serve.

Imagine if your DS got food poisoning from your pasta, or started choking and ended up in hospital - where does the liability lie? With the parent or with the restaurant? The restaurant, obviously, because it happened on their premises AND they broke the law in allowing what can be consumed on said premises.

Restaurant are not stupid and do not want a lawsuit on their hands!!!!!!!!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/04/2017 18:26

I just genuinely wasn't aware as never come across this before.

Now you say you were aware in your latest post after this one? Confused

Either way OP. Now you know you were BU. I don't think the waiter was being U at all. He told you it was against policy and if you continued he'd have to ask you to leave. You continued so he asked you to leave.

Lessons learnt and all that.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 12/04/2017 18:29

It really, really isn't a H&S issue mills - unless the rules have changed.

Huldra · 12/04/2017 18:31

As others have said there are several reasons that they may not want to heat up home made food, or have a plastic picnic thing going on. When one of my parents was in hospital long term we were told we could bring in food to be stored in the freezer and the staff would heat it up. They would only do it for ready meals because it had detailed ingredients, exact heating instructions and they knew it had been produced to certain hygeine standards. There could be no comeback to them about food poisoning because they didnt heat it up enough.

Once you get past the jar of babyfood stage you need to be prepared for the restaurant to say no. Or your baby to start looking like a toddler more than a baby. We've always made do with a second plate and bits of bread, rice, chips, asked for salad to be undressed. If it's a strong flavoured meat, take a little from the inside. We altered what we ordered to make sure there was something.

lilyroses · 12/04/2017 18:32

Personally I don't see the problem taking in food for a small child,I would have payed for me drinks though.

lilyroses · 12/04/2017 18:33

My*

KitKat1985 · 12/04/2017 18:34

I think YAB a bit U. I think for very young babies (who are still on purees or similar) it's fine, but at 14 months he should be on 'normal' food, so I can understand a restaurant expecting you to order something for him, or at least share in your food.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 18:36

Would it have been more a case of your place not following the rules, Computer?

LaurieMarlow · 12/04/2017 18:36

I'm really shocked at the replies on here. Mumsnet at its crazy best. Confused

Most people I know wouldn't order a separate meal for a 14 month old. It would be an enormous portion for one thing and you wouldn't know about salt content and so on. Every restaurant I frequent wouldn't have batted an eyelid at you feeding him a pot of pasta you brought. Perfectly normal.

Idiotic of them really, they've lost your custom.

Stopyourhavering · 12/04/2017 18:38

YABU 23 yrs ago , When dd was 6 months Old and I was working one weekend, dh and friend took her to local pasta joint where she ate breadsticks and pasta....why couldn't you have ordered something for you child or given her some of yours!....no wonder so many restaurants go out of business with an attitude like yours

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/04/2017 18:39

It is also unfair for Ginge to criticise the waiter for not letting her feed her child the food she had brought - because he didn't make the policy!

He was between a rock and a hard place - on one side there's his employer's policy, and on the other side a customer not happy because he can't go against that policy.

What if he had turned a blind eye to Ginge's little pot of pasta, and had got in trouble for that?

On matters of policies, it is never fair to give the front line workers a hard time, when it is not them that make those policies! If you have an issue with a policy, write to the management, don't give the waiter/assistant a hard time. Or you can politely ask the assistant/waiter to feed back to their employer that the policy is unpopular. But don't make some minimum wage worker choose between appeasing you and staying in their employer's good books.

Caroian · 12/04/2017 18:39

I really, really, really don't understand all the people saying that the child should have been fed from the adults plate as an alternative. That would have made the restaurant precisely no extra money, so I don't understand why that is seen as "better"?

I actually can't remember how old my son was when we started ordering off the menu for him. But I think in most cases getting people to leave because they are feeding their own food to a child for whom they would definitely not order a meal from the menu seems rather counter productive!

skinnymalinkmalojin · 12/04/2017 18:40

I am shocked that a restaurant would do this. I have never seen the likes of it- either as a customer or in anywhere I have worked. I am often asked to heat up baby/toddler meals that are brought in by parents. It is never a problem. I have worked in places where 'baby bowls' are given out free of charge. That's a scoop of mash with soup or jus. Very highly seasoned and not something I'd have fed my kids when they were younger.
I would have done exactly the same as you OP.

LucieLucie · 12/04/2017 18:40

millsbynight Imagine if your DS got food poisoning from your pasta, or started choking and ended up in hospital - where does the liability lie? With the parent or with the restaurant? The restaurant, obviously, because it happened on their premises AND they broke the law in allowing what can be consumed on said premises.
^
Restaurant are not stupid and do not want a lawsuit on their hands!!!!!!!!^

But why would the op blame the restaurant if her son choked on her homemade pasta? Confused

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 18:41

Have you actually read the thread, Caroian? It's been explained quite comprehensively.

Dencar · 12/04/2017 18:44

YW not U.
I have done exactly as you did on many occasions & never had an issue. It's much better to take foods with you that you know babies/toddlers will eat.
I then offer/feed children food from my order meal, plus food from my plate.

The restaurant/cafe were unreasonable

OutComeTheWolves · 12/04/2017 18:44

It's totally normal to bring your own food for a toddler where I'm from too. The amount of YABUs have really surprised me actually!

Barbie222 · 12/04/2017 18:44

But why would the op blame the restaurant if her son choked on her homemade pasta?

The restaurant doesn't know that she won't, though. Not for a second saying that OP would have done this - but there are plenty of people very quick to sue, especially if it reflects blame psychologically or makes them some money

Huldra · 12/04/2017 18:49

I never bought mine a whole meal either at that age. There is a difference between asking if it's ok if they heat up a jar of babyfood and heating up a bowl of homemade food for an older baby / young todder. It's at the owners discretion really and not to be expected.

Pyjamas19 · 12/04/2017 18:54

restaurants have to be careful with H&S when it comes to food etc. I expect they have company policy on the matter and it isn't the staffs fault. Not saying you'd do this but if someone fed their kids in a restaurant and the kids then got ill, the restaurant could end up getting a bad rep if someone blamed them?? They have to consider every eventuality

theduchessstill · 12/04/2017 18:56

The restaurant doesn't know that she won't, though. Not for a second saying that OP would have done this - but there are plenty of people very quick to sue, especially if it reflects blame psychologically

Well surely restaurants shouldn't allow any food whatsoever to be eaten on the premises then, as they will get sued if someone chokes Hmm. Utterly ridiculous - like this entire thread.

People are berating the OP as if she burnt the place down on her way out. I bet the majority of people on this thread would not in a million years have bought a full meal for a 14 month old. How would it have made the place money had the child been fed from the OP's plate? It wouldn't.

The drinks should have been paid for but the waiter also sounds rude. Bonkers - like one of those threads where people claim they have spent £20 on taxi fares to travel to a shop fro which they accidentally stole a chocolate bar.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 18:57

@millsbynight. Seriously?? Do you want to find and quote the "law" that says restaurants can't let people eat their own food? Is it that nebulous "health and safety" law, that is often quoted on here, but doesn't actually exist?

(For the record, the only way a restaurant would be liable for choking, is you choked on something that "wouldn't reasonably be expected to be found in the food". So you couldn't sue them if you choked on a fish bone in fish).

Underthemoonlight · 12/04/2017 18:58

Yabu My friend does this with her toddler when we go out but I get my dd or DS something or give off my plate. My DS is 1 and had mash veg and gravy when we went out. When booking I checked it was ok to bring his birthday cake as they are known for their lovely desserts. As it stood everyone ended up getting desserts but it was polite to ask if it was ok first.

GabsAlot · 12/04/2017 18:59

not that they cant do what they want but my dsis takes fodo for dn all the time and shs never been told she cant have it

maybe its only the posher places-was it a chain?