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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there Confused. He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:
EdSheeranswife · 12/04/2017 17:08

Ex restaurant worker here, I have to be honest I can see the restaurants point.

Sense would have said to ring ahead to check you can feed your child with your own food. Or pick somewhere to eat where you can also order food for them.

glasgoo · 12/04/2017 17:08

YANBU the restaurant were foolish to lose customers over this. 14 months old is still a baby, it's understandable you have your own food.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/04/2017 17:09

*know not no sorry.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/04/2017 17:11

witchy saying it would be "better" to have asked implies that it's still ok at some level to not ask. It's not.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 17:14

@witchywoohoo, it just drives me bloody insane when people on here think that they know what restaurant managers actually think. Most of them including me are in the business because they like customers and want to make them happy. We're certainly not in it for the money! The £35 the OP would have spent was probably most of the day's wages for the waiter!

@Floggingmolly I didn't actually say anyone would give a bad review, just that with so many cafes and restaurants in every town, a shitty Tripadvisor review can make or break a business.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/04/2017 17:18

KitKats I've worked in restaurants, and no way in any of them would anyone have been allowed to bring their own food in and plonk it on the table, unless they asked first.

Chloe84 · 12/04/2017 17:18

How does DS eating OP's food benefit the restaurant? They don't get any extra money.

YANBU OP. I would have said baby is allergic and needs special diet.

badhotfanny · 12/04/2017 17:18

I don't think anyone has suggested this: possibly they don't want to begin allowing it to happen as it could be a slippery slope with some customers
who might begin to bring their own food when previously they'd have ordered off the menu. Even if that isn't you.

Chloe84 · 12/04/2017 17:19

Sorry, I mean DS eating food from OP's plate in restaurant.

budgiegirl · 12/04/2017 17:19

If you bring something for them instead of feeding them a bit of your meal, then it's no difference profit-wise for the restaurant surely

Not really, but I guess the point is that if you allow it for a 14 month old, do you allow it for a 2 year old? Or a 5 year old? Or a spectacularly fussy 10 year old (I'm looking at you, DD)?

There's also a H&S issue with homemade food being brought into a food premises.

It's probably easier to just have a blanket policy of 'no outside food to be consumed on the premises'.

quirkychick · 12/04/2017 17:20

I used to do this for dd1 until she was 2yrs old as she had a cow's milk allergy (11yr ago, so a lot of places not so hot on allergies). I don't think anyone ever asked why, so unknown to the waiting staff. The only place that we could order off the menu was wagamamma!

witchywoohoo · 12/04/2017 17:20

KitKats Exactly. Most kids meals where I am cost about £4 including a drink. The restaurant is not going to close down because one 14 month old baby didn't eat one. And the Op is likely to have left that £4 as a tip anyway!

flibflob · 12/04/2017 17:23

All the food establishments I've worked at would have happily done a small plate of plain pasta, pasta with cheese, tomato sauce etc if you'd asked, can't really a case of nothing for him to eat on the menu. It might seem like a waste of money but you chose to go out to eat. Also if they allow it once it sets a precedent - you would (rightly) be angry if they'd allowed it this time and you went back and they hadn't allowed you to feed him your own.

Why not just leave a fiver on the table for the drinks?

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 17:23

@ArcheryAnnie yeah I see what you mean about asking first. Just as a mother and a restaurant manager, I couldn't get het up about it. If my table of four were planning to spend upwards of £100 on their dinner, and another £50 on drinks, no way I was going to piss them off by saying they couldn't bring food for their baby!

The last restaurant I worked in, the chef would have had a shit fit if I'd asked him for chicken nuggets. It made my life much more pleasant if they brought their own baby food!

user1492013331 · 12/04/2017 17:25

The OP could have asked beforehand whether it was okay to feed her toddler a pasta dish brought from home. It would have been perfectly reasonable in these circumstances to leave before ordering when the restaurant refused.

However, the OP rudely proceeded without asking and was very unreasonable to leave without paying for drinks.

witchywoohoo · 12/04/2017 17:27

The OP was told to leave. If I told someone to leave the restaurant I would not expect them to pay for drinks.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 17:29

As to ordering a kid's portion of pasta being a "waste of money" when you can do it at home for very little - doesn't that apply to adult food too?
If you're prepared to pay the markup on two adult meals for the pleasure of not having to go into the kitchen and prepare it yourself; why would you baulk at ordering some pasta for your child? Very skewed logic there.

ohforfoxsake · 12/04/2017 17:29

Ginge85 I'd have taken a pot of food if I knew my DC would definitely eat it. I frequently did and never thought twice about it - I've certainly never had an issue with being told not to feed the DC (and I have 4 so have eaten out a lot with them as babies) I don't think YABU at all.

Most kids menus are shit. My oldest DS didn't like chips so most kids menus wouldn't appeal. He would always eat pasta. And it would mean as an adult I could enjoy my meal without him fussing.

I think the restaurant was pretty unaccommodating. Not the best level of service.

KitKats28 · 12/04/2017 17:30

But the slippery slope argument doesn't hold water. You take each incident on its own merits. I've said no to people who brought in pizza or kebabs for their dinner and expected me to provide plates and cutlery. I've pointed out to people with older children that we can actually make stuff plainer than it says on the menu. I've happily provided tomato pasta or mushroom risotto to kids who like it. Ive puréed boiled veg for people who forgot their baby food and it's 6pm on Sunday. I've warmed bottles (when I worked somewhere I was allowed to). I've allowed breastfeeding mothers to sit in a private room if they wanted to.

Believe me, none of this led to grand scale anarchy!

LucieLucie · 12/04/2017 17:30

I'm going to go against the majority here and say yanbu in the circumstances given.

You ordered £35 worth of food, the baby was either going to have a few spoonfuls off your plate or his own.

I think the guy was a jobsworth. I do understand the general rule that diners only consume food bought on the premises but in the case of babies/toddlers discretion should be afforded.

In this case he was heavy handed and extremely short sighted in losing business and the drinks being wasted.

Maybe next time ask permission first by phoning ahead or at the bar as you arrive.

Cocklodger · 12/04/2017 17:31

I don't think the waiter was rude at all. He said that if you were going to go against their policy you'd have to leave, you could've tried errr.. not going against their policy?
Yabu.
I can also see that you're hard work tbh.
Op: Aibu
Most of us: yes
OP: but I don't see the problem.
😂😂

expatinscotland · 12/04/2017 17:31

'He lost two paying customers and 35 pounds for the sake of an argument.'

He lost two PITA, stroppy nightmares. Money well spent, IMO.

Chaby · 12/04/2017 17:35

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Kids at that age can be fussy and need to eat when they need to eat. But I maybe would have waited until my meal came and asked for an extra side plate, then given the pasta along with some of my food. I don't think you need to order a whole meal for a 14 month old. You are taking up a table regardless, I can't see why the restaurant is losing out if 2 adults are eating and drinking. Different if it's a large number of children taking up space for paying customers.

thisismadness77 · 12/04/2017 17:36

I don't think you were being unreasonable.

hotcrossbun83 · 12/04/2017 17:38

Wow I'm really shocked at these responses, YANBU OP. I do this all the time, my oldest is 3 now and I eat out with them once or twice a week so that's a lot of restaurant trips and I've never had a problem. I started ordering off the menu for the eldest at about 2. For a start, at 14 months I was still being very careful about salt.

I do this, my friends do it, it's not an issue. We order drinks, sometimes food for adults, food for the older kids. At our local Italian they rearrange the bookings to fit us in on the big table if we turn up so they definitely don't have a problem with it! Yes if you're dining in the evening then they're busy and should be making money from every cover but at lunch or at kids teatime they're just happy to have business. We're polite and we tip well, we drink wine - lots of restaurants don't even make money on the food, just the drinks. Those saying feed them off your own plate - that makes them no money either!

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