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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this woman on her gap year, wanting to adopt an African baby and bring him back to the UK, is ridiculous...

118 replies

user1489261248 · 10/04/2017 20:02

metro.co.uk/2017/04/10/british-teacher-moves-to-africa-to-adopt-boy-she-cared-for-while-on-her-gap-year-6564554/

When there are multiple 100s of 1000s of children in this country needing loving homes, this woman on her 'gap yar' has decided she wants to bring this little boy home from Uganda and adopt him. Unreasonable? Or perfectly OK?

She has even set up a gofundme page for her legal fees!

I think it's ridiculous personally.

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 10/04/2017 21:20

That's it! Kilshaw. Thanks Lunde

x246 · 10/04/2017 21:24

From Sept '15 until August '16, she was teaching full-time in the UK and saw him just in the Christmas and Easter holidays so being generous, five weeks out of eleven months. Most of the time she spent with him was when he was a baby and even that first year, she disappeared twice for over a month each time. I'd assume she left him in the very same children's home that took her as a gap year volunteer? So likely with very limited stability. Then add in the fact that her long term plans are to move him a very long way away from everything he's known, to a totally different country, totally different culture...

I'm sure she does love him and is doing it with good intentions but love doesn't conquer all.

jammyjay · 10/04/2017 21:31

Lovely story. I am also about to donate.

Op yabu and mean spirited too

Thecontentedcat · 10/04/2017 21:34

What kansas said, amazing woman, amazing story, hope they have a lovely future as mum and son.

OkPedro · 10/04/2017 21:40

"She loves him, that's all that matters now" Confused

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore · 10/04/2017 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckweasel · 10/04/2017 21:48

No, it's not to do with Gillick Law. It's not medical. Their name might not even have been Gillick

It was 'Kilshaw'.

dappledsky · 10/04/2017 21:52

I wonder about the reasons this little boy's father or extended family felt they couldn't raise him? It may have at least in part have been due to financial pressures with 6 other children to educate, feed, clothe etc. Perhaps these thousands of pounds in donations could have make the difference in keeping this little boy with his birth family?

sherazade · 10/04/2017 21:54

I've figured it out . The OP is the woman in the article . You are her !

Girlincognito1 · 10/04/2017 22:06

I don't really bother about stories like this usually, but this is lovely. You can't help who you fall in love with. He's gorgeous.

Casschops · 10/04/2017 22:07

Difficult to know without knowing the full story. Adoption is a beautiful thing but there is more to adopting a child as simply bonding with the child and loving them. Love alone is not enough and children who are adopted from overseas away from their home country and brought up away from their culture and origins can face challenges in addition to the usual challenges that child adopted and raised in their home country. While it is well intended this is not always as simple and appropriate as people think and money is currently being placed in standardised adoption processes in Uganda and Nigeria. Having said that with the right awareness and care it can be successful and they obviously have a bond which would be tragic to break, good luck to them☺

Allington · 10/04/2017 22:22

White saviourism at its finest.

Love is all they need and all that crap.

Support local families and carers and get over yourself.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 10/04/2017 22:27

Good on her.
I don't think that's it's just a whim to adobt a baby from abroad and emulate celebrities, she seems like she just fell in love. It's a sweet story.

HoldBackTheRain · 10/04/2017 22:42

Feel for his siblings - they lost their mother too and who knows if they've been separated or what's happened to them. He has 6 siblings that he many never know now.

But YABU OP - the tone of your thread was UKIP-espque - the bit about all the children here and she goes to Uganda - reminded me of people that say the answer to all the UK's problems is to stop sending billions to other countries in foreign aid.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 10/04/2017 22:50

I'm sure she does love him and is doing it with good intentions but love doesn't conquer all

In a choice between adoption by someone who loves him and having a mother, or remaining in a underfunded orphanage...which would you choose?

GinSwigmore · 10/04/2017 22:58

Thanks for raising awareness OP. As for the lass in question, good on her.

x246 · 10/04/2017 23:33

In a choice between adoption by someone who loves him and having a mother, or remaining in a underfunded orphanage...which would you choose?

If only life were so simple that the pros and cons of an international adoption by a woman who didn't even want to return home with a child, has no money or job and is relying on other people to support her and the child could be summed up in one sentence.

Megatherium · 10/04/2017 23:35

There aren't hundreds of thousands of children in the UK waiting to be adopted. Generally it's around 5000 at any one time.

Ohyesiam · 10/04/2017 23:54

Yea, because black kids don't need love like white ones .Hmm

BillSykesDog · 10/04/2017 23:58

I don't think it's a case of 'Oh there are thousands of children needing a home'. This woman wasn't looking to become a parent and ignored all the UK children needing a home. But because of circumstances she has ended up forming a terrific bond with one specific boy. It's an actual person we're talking about. It's not like we can say 'buy British' like children are a head of broccoli, it's a specific child she has a relationship with and probably wouldn't be adopting otherwise.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2017 00:19

There are some worrying aspects to this, I agree. The siblings and his family, country and home. I am slightly biased because I think Uganda is one of the most beautiful places in the world and being taken away from there is very sad. But if the choice is living in a children's home or being adopted by someone who loves him, who was with him from 5 days old... it sounds better for him.

There most certainly aren't 100s of 1000s of children languishing in Children's homes in the UK Hmm And it is much easier to adopt a baby, whose mother didn't give him up or have him taken because of abuse, neglect or drug issues. Often children who are adopted in the UK have very serious and long-lasting issues. Someone who adopts needs to be up to that.

LadyPW · 11/04/2017 10:57

Adoption is great and I'm all for it usually. However with no job to support herself much less a child and not prepared to finance the venture herself given the go fund me page its madness.
This ^^ How is she going to support them both back in the UK permanently?

MrsJayy · 11/04/2017 11:04

This woman didn't set out to baby shop she didnt say nah i dont want any of those uk kids ill go to Africa. She cared for this baby and has now gone back as the rules of uganda state foster him for a year good luck to her.

Bantanddec · 11/04/2017 11:07

Yabu she sounds like a great person.

Olddear · 11/04/2017 11:15

Why would we have said you were an attention seeking mate? I don't understand.....