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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have just lied to other parents about what I do?

115 replies

ShamefulDodger · 10/04/2017 18:47

Inspired by a recent thread on here about loneliness I decided I didn't want dd to end up like me (I'm essentially an autistic hermit) so enrolled her on a dance class.

We had our first lesson today and actually it went really well. Dd had a shaky start but then went off to dance happily with the other children.

It was a very proud moment.

I even managed to hold a conversation with a group of parents without appearing too odd. (I hope)

But...the inevitable question of 'what do you do?' came up.

I thought I was 'blending' in quite well, so didn't really want to announce that actually I was disabled and an ashamed recluse that lives off benefits.

So I told them I was a writer

Not a successful one or anything. But I told them that was my work.

It's not a total lie. Writing is the big one of my obsessions. I've got mountains (not an exaggeration) of files and usb's full of everything from little articles to a children's series of books I've written.

I've just never sent them anywhere.

But in true obsessional fashion I am now trying to figure out if I've made a complete idiot of myself and should send dh from now on.

Or front it out because it's only a sort of half lie.

OP posts:

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 12/04/2017 11:59

You most definitely are a writer.

I don't know if someone's already suggested this as I haven't RTFT but join us in the Creative Writing topic :) there's a thread for those of us waiting on agents and a general novel writing thread :)

Do you have someone who could send it off for you? I'm acting as DH's secretary at the moment I think he may be on the spectrum, currently trying to get him to go to the doctors about it, he's got a novel written and a series planned but he's too anxious to take the first step so I'm doing his submissions for him :)

PoloStar · 12/04/2017 12:13

If anyone asks me what I do, I say I'm a kept woman.

FastMakoShark · 12/04/2017 12:17

so didn't really want to announce that actually I was disabled and an ashamed recluse that lives off benefits

Please never be ashamed of being disabled or living on benefits

WankingMonkey · 12/04/2017 12:51

I would probably lie in this situation too tbh (though you didn't lie as such, as you actually do write)

I am deeply ashamed of needing benefits to survive. Deeply ashamed of having issues even having a normal life..I am in pain near 24/7 and its just horrendous. Add to that the stigma of claiming benefits (we are all nasty rotten scroungers who are faking conditions and never want to work, etc.) and I cannot imagine ever telling people except for close friends that I receive benefits. I even sometimes lie to family and tell them that DH has gone back to work fulltime (he can't as I cannot manage without him) because the constant 'oh you aren't THAT ill, benefits should be for those on their deathbed' type comments really get to me

SherbrookeFosterer · 12/04/2017 13:27

It's called status anxiety.

Alain de Botton wrote a great essay on it.

I suggest you read it it to put your feelings in perspective, try to get your work published and please don't let your autism imprison you.

Good luck!

Kisathecat · 12/04/2017 13:31

Ha ha has to be done sometimes! But the main point is you actually are a writer! And I suspect you are a lot better at it than you think 😉

littlebillie · 12/04/2017 13:35

I've just enjoyed reading the thread excited for you and I hope you go to be published

mumto2two · 12/04/2017 13:53

Love this thread..as many have said, yes you are a writer. I have a friend who is also a writer, and is lucky to get the odd paid assignment, some pay ok but others are peanuts. It does not make a living, but she is still very much a writer!
What you earn or don't earn, is nobody else's business. So be proud of what you do OP!

Original poster

ShamefulDodger · 12/04/2017 16:30

Well I'm quite overwhelmed, thank you everyone

A shiny new copy of the writers and artists yearbook is on its way.

I do now lurk and occasionally post on the creative writing topic, when I started this latest series I wanted to have a nosy and see if mumsnet had a topic

And to everyone who feels like they have to hide too. It's shit.

I have in the past had 'You don't look very disabled though, why do you get benefits?' which made me feel about two inches tall.

OP posts:

DagenhamRoundhouse · 12/04/2017 17:25

If they persist you could always say you translate or write technical or medical manuals. That should put off further questions!

DagenhamRoundhouse · 12/04/2017 17:29

And it's nobody's business why you receive benefits. Just ignore that question or say it's something you prefer not to talk about it.

I'm not a hermit or autistic but I am overly sensitive and take things too much to heart and dwell on an unkind comment or attitude when probably nothing was meant by it. I don't like social gatherings much of more than 3 or 4 people, e.g. parties, ugh! I find them overwhelming.

WankingMonkey · 12/04/2017 17:39

I have in the past had 'You don't look very disabled though, why do you get benefits?' which made me feel about two inches tall.

Yes this is the attitude I get from my parents. They have seen me during a few 'episodes' too...where I cannot move and am in a lot of pain and having to drink my oramorph instead of taking normal doses. But they have also seen me more often in 'good' phases. See when I am 'good' I am totally 'normal'. Could run a marathon. But the pain comes from nowhere and is totally disabling, meaning I cannot move at all sometimes and am in agony. This happens a fair few times a day and lasts anything from 20 mins to hours.

So yes, I don't look disabled some of the time. But I can be floored by my illness within seconds of 'looking fine'

Good luck if you do decide to self publish. Post on here if you do..I am interested

fatchilli123 · 15/04/2017 08:34

You are a writer. You have files full of writing. First thing that came into your head. You are a writer it is not a lie.
Now send something to a magazine or newspaper or start a blog online to give yourself more confidence xxx

Madhairday · 15/04/2017 09:00

Aw OP you are a writer :) I'm in a similar boat too, being chronically ill and also a writer who hasn't yet published apart from the odd magazine article. You can be proud of what you have achieved - sounds like you've done loads! And it's actually ok to do it just for the love of it.

However, it's so easy to self publish and you never know... I format books for kindle so if you ever need any help do pm me. I'd love to read your stuff.

And yes come and hang round creative writing. It's lovely there.

Crickeycrumbsblimey · 24/06/2017 20:08

Thought of this old thread today when I saw this authorsforgrenfelltower.com/2017/06/24/perfect-pitch-advice-from-agent-claire-wilson/

Realise it is out of budget for many but thought I would post it just in case x

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