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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was unnecessary and a little rude?

33 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 10/04/2017 16:08

So I'm at the park with DD and she is playing with another child on the climbing frame. The other child's parent makes eye contact and we start chatting, conversation goes like this:

Woman: "Is she your daughter?"
Me: "yes she is"
Woman: "Are you sure? You look way too young to have a daughter of that age"
Me: "Yes, she is my daughter"
Woman: eyeing me suspiciously How are you still so slim then? Are you sure she is yours?
Me: feeling awkward um.....I have just told you that she is, why do you keep asking me?

Anyone else think this was super weird especially when I literally just said she was my daughter?! Side note: I look fairly young for my age I guess but I am Mid 20s which I consider is not so unreasonable to have a 3 year old daughter?! I get these sort of comments all the time and it makes me feel really awkward

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 10/04/2017 16:10

She was giving you a compliment.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 10/04/2017 16:12

I think she was trying to be nice just going about it awkwardly to be honest

What did she say when you asked why she kept asking?

everymummy · 10/04/2017 16:16

Most people love being told they look young so I would think she just thought she was being nice.

It's the sort of thing that gets said all the time - so much so it's pretty much a cliche. I had it said to me recently because I have a teenager and and frankly I was pretty happy to hear it.

Mothervulva · 10/04/2017 16:19

she sounds socially awkward.

ProudBadMum · 10/04/2017 16:19

No she was been a bit of a Dick. Once would be enough

If she'd had said 'oh you sure, you look way too old' then she'd have been ripped a new on here

Youth is fair game here apparently

She wasn't been nice. Telling someone they arent their kids parent after been told that they are isn't been nice. It's been a dick

Original poster

alwaystimeforgin · 10/04/2017 16:19

I get that she might have been trying to compliment me but it just annoyed me when I kept telling her she was my daughter and she continued to ask me if she was mine?! Also DD was calling me mummy so it was just a bit of an odd thing to say! when I said why she kept asking me she just shrugged and said "you look kind of young" Maybe I am just being oversensitive because this is not the first time this has happened and I get annoyed having to correct people all the time!

OP posts:

upperlimit · 10/04/2017 16:22

It seems really odd. I wonder if she was fishing for a nanny? Maybe she sidled up to everyone in the playground and asked the same question.

TheSnowFairy · 10/04/2017 16:23

Stealth boast...

DressMeUpInStitches · 10/04/2017 16:23

Annoying that she kept carrying on.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 10/04/2017 16:26

"Telling someonr they aren't their kids parent after being told they are isn't bring nice its being a dick" Oh come on she didn't sit her down with a cup of tea and break the bad news the child was swopped at birth, she is her child, she said she didn't look like she could be, that's very dramatic altogether

PNGirl · 10/04/2017 16:26

I don't understand why she thinks you would lie. Or on the third ask, suddenly go "Whoops, silly me, she's actually my cousin!"

Original poster

alwaystimeforgin · 10/04/2017 16:27

The snow fairy- It's actually not a stealth boast at all actually! I was just annoyed that I had to answer the same question 3 times! Once is enough surely?

OP posts:

WhisperingLoudly · 10/04/2017 16:30

It was a poorly executed attempt at engagement or being nice.

I suspect you were both being a bit socially awkward and weird

lucyandpoppy123 · 10/04/2017 16:31

That is a bit weird that she was so persistent. I get it all the time too! 'Are you babysitting?' No she's my child 'is she yours?' 'Wow you don't look old enough to have a baby!' 'Is that baby (in a sling) real?'

ProudBadMum · 10/04/2017 16:37

It's not dramatic to say that been told you look too young to have your kids isn't a nice thing.

But as I stated if we swap young for old then it becomes a totally different matter that people give a shit about.

OP I get the same response and it's fucking awful. I get it. You don't have to accept it and have people saying it's a stealth boast just because you are young

elephantcuddles · 10/04/2017 16:38

She was complimenting you, OP. Lighten up a little.

aniceglassofchianti · 10/04/2017 16:39

It must have been traumatic to be told you were young and slim...

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 10/04/2017 16:40

My carer is a similar age and also looks very young, when she answers the door she is asked 'is your Mum or Dad in?'. Cue much hilarity as she looks like she could be my daughters big sister!

I think that if I am reading this right she wasn't asking to compliment you. Does your little one look like you? I have jet black curly hair and green eyes, but my little boy was like a little cherub with golden ringlets and huge blue eyes. He is very like my dh looks wise but even dh is dark brown hair and green eyes (my Mum and FIL are both blonde and blue eyed though). I never got questioned when I was out with dh as it was obvious we were a couple (and D's was a complete Mummies boy) but a few times when I was out with ds on my own I would be asked if he was my little boy. Which was laughable because he was a breastfed baby and when he was in my arms he always made it very clear who his Mummy was!

I do think it was a bit strange her asking you several times, how young did she think you were? As if you would lie about it too!

ProudBadMum · 10/04/2017 16:44

In what world is 'are you she is yours' a few times a compliment?

Having to tell strangers that yes you are your child's mother isn't fun or a compliment.

If a bloke said it would it be a compliment? No don't think so

Young women are fair game here. Yet MN play up to the sisterhood bullshit. Yes, as long as you aren't young or slim.

ProudBadMum · 10/04/2017 16:44

Sure*

N0tNowBernard · 10/04/2017 16:47

Lol at stealth boast! Don't be offended that she asked 3 times, sounded like she was giving you a compliment and by her showing disbelief it was furthering the point that she thinks you look young and slim.

Kilkerran · 10/04/2017 16:47

I'm 41 and my eldest is 22. The looks of shock I get when folk work out how old I was when he was born are always followed by 'you don't look old enough to have a child that age'. You get used to it.

CallousAndStrange · 10/04/2017 16:47

It's the 'are you sure?' that's so weird! As if you might somehow be mistaken but some random in the park commenting might make you remember that actually you didn't give birth to her after all! Some people are very strange.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2017 16:49

Oh come on, the "Are you sure" was obviously her dry sense of humour.

You don't think for one minute she assumed you'd imagined being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child for the last 3yrs?

Whathaveilost · 10/04/2017 16:51

Im going for someone that is socially awkward. When i was younger such a person would have been called ' a character'

I really wouldnt rrad to much into it and after the first time ahe said it would have just smiled and agreed.
Not a big deal at all.

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