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Original poster

MIL wants family photoshoot with DS but doesn't want us in it

86 replies

Derlei · 09/04/2017 20:15

This is not a MIL bashing thread as she is a nice woman on the whole, she's just a bit "enthusiastic" about DS but he is PFG so I can sort of see why.

Just for context, we didn't get any photos taken of DS when he was born last year but we want to do some professional photos to commemorate his 1st birthday in a few months time (of just him).

MIL randomly announced a few months ago that she wanted to "get some professional photos taken of DS" for their house. DH and I informed her that we were going to get some done for his birthday, and that obviously they would be for whoever wants a copy and that she was welcome to however many she liked. She went quiet and then someone changed the subject, I asked DH after they had gone if he thought she was annoyed, and he agreed but thought it was maybe because she was wanting to organise it rather than us. We forgot about it.

The subject hadn't come up again, until tonight, MiL, FiL and 2 SILs were over (both SILs still live at home so they are very involved), when MiL said "we want to do a photoshoot of DS so can we arrange some dates". DH reminded her that we were going to do something in a few months to which she said that she wanted to be in them, along with FIL and 2 SILs and that they wanted to "use their own ideas", which basically translates to "we don't want to do it on the same day you're doing it". My DH then said "so basically some family photos with our son but without us?" and she said yes!

I'm not really sure what to think; we are not going to ban our son from participating in their shoot if that's what she wants, it's sweet that they love him so much but it just feels a bit weird that they don't want us to feature in it? Or aibu? I genuinely don't know! Do grandparents/Siblings tend to want stuff like this?

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 09/04/2017 20:21

I'd feel a bit weird about it aswell
I'd get it if maybe there was a photo shoot and there was the whole family in a shot, then just you, DH and DS. Then all the siblings/uncles&aunts/cousins for example and then GP and DS together. That would be ok.
It's weird to have a specially done shoot where you're not invited.

Swirlingasong · 09/04/2017 20:22

Yes, it's odd. I could sort of maybe see her wanting PiLs plus their children and grandchild (though rather mean and excluding to you) but, them plus two of their children and grandchild? If it was a snap in the park I wouldn't think anything of it, but a professional Photoshoot like this seems bizarre.

Swirlingasong · 09/04/2017 20:24

Are your SiLs still children? Could it be an 'all the children' type thing she is thinking of?

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2017 20:25

Odd and I would never suggest it.

Don't think I'd be very happy (can't really say why)

FixItUpChappie · 09/04/2017 20:25

This is totally the sort of thing my mother would do.I think it's rude an odd. She doesn't even want her own son in the pictures - what can one make of that Confused

Astro55 · 09/04/2017 20:26

Very strange - ask DH to ask why

Floggingmolly · 09/04/2017 20:26

So, be whole family; except the baby's own parents? How odd is that? Hmm

FixItUpChappie · 09/04/2017 20:26

It smacks of those who feel the child's parents are just some vessels who produced the grandchild.

mommy2ash · 09/04/2017 20:27

I would hate for my picture to be hanging on someone's wall so I would be fine with it. It is a bit odd though

Aderyn2016 · 09/04/2017 20:28

Very hurtful to exclude your dh from this - he is their son. It kind of makes you feel like baby producing machines - you have given them their grandchild and now you are no longer important!
I would say no to this because insensitive arses shouldn't have their behaviour indulged.

Thudercatsrule · 09/04/2017 20:28

My MIL did this when my boys were little, didn't bother me at all. I only found out when I received a copy of a photo a couple of months later. She just wanted some special time with them and photos of just them in a style that she liked.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 09/04/2017 20:28

Does she often try to play dm to your ds?
Does ds feel comfortable with them without you there? Or it isn't going to be a very productive shoot without you and dh there is it?

StandAndBeCounted · 09/04/2017 20:29

I think its weird that they want the SILs in it and not you. I could maybe see if they wanted just them with him, but even then she should have asked differently. Anyone looking at that photo is just going to wonder where you n DH are

RaeSkywalker · 09/04/2017 20:30

Really odd. My parents have some professional photos of me as a baby with my GPs, but these were taken as part of a larger family photo shoot. And my parents booked and paid for it, and decided on what photos they wanted.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/04/2017 20:32

If I was your dh I would be super insulted Shock

"We want a photo with some of our children and grandchild but not you" eh bit mean Confused

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 09/04/2017 20:35

My MIL has 'proper' photos of our children and her only great grandchild from our niece which excludes her only other granddaughter.

Out loud it sounds weird but they are the children. Eldest is is 10, youngest is 1.

If your MIL is doing something similar where she's having a photo of the 'children' done that makes sense. If though your SILs are adults it's just weird to exclude your husband at the very least.

luckylucky24 · 09/04/2017 20:36

Very strange. Not so strange if it was just her and FIL or at least included your DH. Rude still but wouldn't be AS strange.

pictish · 09/04/2017 20:37

Think they just have their own ideas. This wouldn't bother me.

HecateAntaia · 09/04/2017 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandakitkat · 09/04/2017 20:40

They want photos of them and their grandson, that's nice. Slightly odd, but harmless enough. I can see my parents doing that if they had enough money.

Photos of them, some of their children, and their grandchild- that's weird. Unless like others have said their other children are much younger.

And I suppose if they still live at home your PIL might be thinking along the lines of their household plus grandson. Which is better, but still very weird.

I think I would say no, but could you bear to turn your photoshoot with ds into a wider family thing, so you can have lots of combinations of groups? That would be less weird.

Ameliablue · 09/04/2017 20:41

If it was just your son or your son plus grandparents or grandparents, your dh and siblings and your son, i could understand but to exclude your dh but have his siblings is odd.

HecateAntaia · 09/04/2017 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SemiNormal · 09/04/2017 20:44

Wouldn't bother me in th slightest but I may be cheeky and ask if they could do at least one photo of just my son on their shoot so I could get a professional picture of him in a different outfit to the ones I would be using in the one I was paying for. I don't even think it's that odd to be honest.

Crashbangwhatausername · 09/04/2017 20:44

It is strange. It's the sil s being there that makes it odd. I don't know what I'd say. Probably let them do it but silently seethe every time I saw the photos.

THirdEeye · 09/04/2017 20:44

Very odd.

If as you say, she just wants a photoshoot with FIL/SIL/herself and DS and not involve you then I would be politely declining her request.

IMO, she sounds as if she's sees you both as the vessel of her new DC.

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