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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL wants family photoshoot with DS but doesn't want us in it

86 replies

Derlei · 09/04/2017 20:15

This is not a MIL bashing thread as she is a nice woman on the whole, she's just a bit "enthusiastic" about DS but he is PFG so I can sort of see why.

Just for context, we didn't get any photos taken of DS when he was born last year but we want to do some professional photos to commemorate his 1st birthday in a few months time (of just him).

MIL randomly announced a few months ago that she wanted to "get some professional photos taken of DS" for their house. DH and I informed her that we were going to get some done for his birthday, and that obviously they would be for whoever wants a copy and that she was welcome to however many she liked. She went quiet and then someone changed the subject, I asked DH after they had gone if he thought she was annoyed, and he agreed but thought it was maybe because she was wanting to organise it rather than us. We forgot about it.

The subject hadn't come up again, until tonight, MiL, FiL and 2 SILs were over (both SILs still live at home so they are very involved), when MiL said "we want to do a photoshoot of DS so can we arrange some dates". DH reminded her that we were going to do something in a few months to which she said that she wanted to be in them, along with FIL and 2 SILs and that they wanted to "use their own ideas", which basically translates to "we don't want to do it on the same day you're doing it". My DH then said "so basically some family photos with our son but without us?" and she said yes!

I'm not really sure what to think; we are not going to ban our son from participating in their shoot if that's what she wants, it's sweet that they love him so much but it just feels a bit weird that they don't want us to feature in it? Or aibu? I genuinely don't know! Do grandparents/Siblings tend to want stuff like this?

OP posts:
JustSpeakSense · 09/04/2017 21:19

Your MIL is bonkers.

Keep your eye on her OP

Chavelita · 09/04/2017 21:21

Just tell her the baby wouldn't exist without his parents, and she can scissor you out should you divorce, or get someone to photoshop a plant in a pot over you. Grin

Mind you, my MIL grabbed my newborn out of my arms the first time she visited from our home country after his birth, got my SIL to take a number of shots of her beaming triumphantly at the camera over his head, and got them bound into a glossy wedding-style album entitled, I kid you not, 'Granny's New Arrival.' In which I don't appear.

Marmalade85 · 09/04/2017 21:30

It's definitely in case there's a divorce, as blood relatives are included.

Cherrysoup · 09/04/2017 21:45

No way would I allow this. And no way would I merrily go along to pacify ds so mil can have lovely pictures without you as his mum! Mad! Just say no, you're not comfortable doing this. Does she get him on her own ever?

aforandromeda · 09/04/2017 21:58

It sounds pretty harmless to me. I doubt I'd be all that bothered.
We get pictures of our kids with us, GPs pay for some with their aunts and some with their GPs. However it's organised, I can't see anything to fuss about. Certainly nothing sinister.
I'm always surprised on here, at the things people are prepared to be offended by.

Bantanddec · 09/04/2017 22:56

Mil lost the plot! She wants a photo with her grandchild and her daughters but not her son? Her grandchilds dad?? WTAF

MrsELM21 · 09/04/2017 22:59

So they're including DH's sisters but not him? (And you obvs) unless DH's sisters are also children or very young then this is very odd

Heartshappedsunglasses · 09/04/2017 23:17

It does sound a bit weird but quite harmless. At least they are upfront- it would be weirder if they did it without telling you and came back or worse you went round to their house and saw the pictures. Can you use it to your own advantage and have some nice ones of him on his own done so you don't have to do a separate photo shoot like you were planning?

BadKnee · 09/04/2017 23:56

I don't think it is odd at all. When the kids were little we did pix with just granny and pics with just Godmother and pics with Greta Aunt Jemima

  • whoever. Godmother wanted a few just with her and her other godchild, (whom we don't know) - and why not.
emmyrose2000 · 10/04/2017 01:47

Very peculiar and weird. Almost as weird as the photo with the cousin - that is just batshit crazy.

I'd say no, unless they agreed to photos with you and DH in as well.

SunnyLikeThursday · 10/04/2017 02:26

I think that sometimes grandparents feel a very personal connection to a first grandchild that can almost be inconvenienced by the greater personal connection of the actual parents to the child. I wonder if the MIL just wants to play Mum to the grandchild?

Greystars · 10/04/2017 02:41

Maybe she wants...

Picture of granny with grandchild
Picture of aunts with nephew

Not all together? serious straw clutching here and doesn't need you there because she will have lots of photos of you and DH with your DC? Maybe she hopes those pictures will be with you behind your DH assuming he is taller.

That's the only way I can think of it not being weird. Because granny, aunts and DC is quite strange.

She will justify it in some way, I think pick your battles and if it doesn't put you out massively, and she is nice but a bit odd then just laugh to yourself at how crazy it all is

And agree with another poster, don't eat the soup she makes especially for you :) just in case

SouthWindsWesterly · 10/04/2017 03:11

If you let this go ahead and if they still want the photshoot, your DH has to be in them also. No brainer.

He can get DS to co-operate and you can go and have time for yourself to do whatever you want.

Personally, I would say no.

KurlyWurly88 · 10/04/2017 03:55

At least she's also excluding your DH, my MIL wanted photos done with everyone (including my DH) APART from me!

If your MIL is nice most of time, let it roll...

SpareASquare · 10/04/2017 04:17

Meh.
I don't find it that odd, nor a big deal. I find some of the responses on this thread to be WAAAY odder tbh Confused

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 10/04/2017 04:30

I find it strange and odd, but I wouldn't forbid it.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 10/04/2017 05:51

Even if you and dh divorce in the future it doesn't ruin the pic you'll always be the child's mother - just plain weird!

MrEBear · 10/04/2017 06:21

I'd really think it's odd. Does she exclude DH from other things? Is he the family scapegoat? Are her daughter's favoured over him? I'm glad DH pulled her up on it.

I could understand GPs and GS, or whole family but not whole family exc DS and DiL. The fact she has done it before with her nephew is weird. I'd say no to it and question the ulterior motive.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/04/2017 06:27

That would be a big fat NO from me then.
It's one thing to have just the grandparents and grandchild(ren), but to include the two aunties but NOT the parents - nah. Not a fucking chance.

GrumpyDullard · 10/04/2017 06:45

It is a bit mental but I can't see the harm in it. I don't think it's worth causing a row about, if you otherwise get along. If it was me, I'd just laugh and indulge her.

schokolade · 10/04/2017 07:12

On the face of it it's really weird. Are you sure you have the right end of the stick? Maybe they want to do a series of photos - them plus DS, SIL1 with DS, SIL2 with DS, and they already have/will have lots of your DH with DS?

I'd probably let them get on with it regardless tbh. Even if it is a bit crackers, doesn't really impact you much does it?

Unless your DS will be really upset.

Beijingyouth · 10/04/2017 07:18

It's just a photo shoot, I'd see it like an activity for them to do and wouldn't read too much into it assuming bad intentions. I'm very surprised almost everyone on here is up in arms about it?

CPtart · 10/04/2017 07:29

Not only weird it's hurtful. As someone who's SIL has been continually favoured by PIL over my DH throughout the years, I would say no. If you dig deeper, I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.

Sweets101 · 10/04/2017 07:33

It wouldn't bother me tbh. I'm happy for DC to have family relationships independent of me, actually i encourage it. They are my DC but they are not an extension of me ifyswim.

sandgrown · 10/04/2017 07:36

When DD got married I would have liked one picture with just my DD, DS and my grandsons (divorced from DC's dad). My direct descendants I guess you would say. No way I would have excluded one of my DC though and no offence intended to their partners.