Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if there's anyone else who has never met a trans-person?

251 replies

manicinsomniac · 09/04/2017 16:28

I have never (knowingly) met a trans person. I have no trans friends or acquaintances. I have never (in 11 years) taught a trans child. I have no friends whose children are non binary, trans or gender queer.

I'm not a recluse. I know 100s of people.

The prevalence of trans threads on mn baffles me. I know they're important issues. I find many things about the trans agenda very concerning. But I just struggle to believe it is as common and pervasive as reported. I've seen posters refer to ' all my trans friends' , there are several non binary children in dd's school', 'I know loads of trans people' and things like that.

Is there anyone else who, whatever their opinion on the apparent 'trend/craze' just does not see it in their every day lives - at all?

OP posts:
HollyJollyDillydolly · 09/04/2017 18:17

I know 2 transmen but no transwomen.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:17

EVERYONE is feckin 'non-gender binary' - how could a person fit into the rigid, prescriptive descriptions that gender is?

I despair of those so willing to perpetuate something that can be so easily manipulated in order to oppress the vulnerable, and which those of us with no such agenda clearly have no use for.
It should astound me that everyone is taking gender seriously - but of course it's terribly useful to many powerful groups around the world that they do, and have done for so long, so it actually (sadly) makes perfect sense. Why would anyone powerful care to overturn a system that has fed their desires for so long?
Fuck. this. shit.

reallyanotherone · 09/04/2017 18:19

Maybe slightly o/t, but does anyone know the stats for mtf vs ftm?

Just wondering how the "born in the wrong body" holds up whenit appears significantly more men are than women.

cuirderussie · 09/04/2017 18:22

The term genderqueer really irritates me. Do people really think that before it was coined, we all fit neatly into gender stereotypes that matched our biological sex? I know gay people my generation (40something) who hate the term because you can go round calling yourself "genderqueer" without walking the walk as a gay person, you just have to be slightly camp or butch or whatever. Seems appropriating.

EvansOvalPies · 09/04/2017 18:24

DD went to school with then a girl/young woman, who now identifies as a man. All the kids (and we parents) are completely at ease with it.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:26

Oh yeah, the OP.
I have a very close 'genderfluid' friend - she is very well aware of my political position and we have amicable discussions about it fairly often.
I know that she has a great number of friends who do believe in the idea of gender as something real and who would dismiss her as a bigot if she were critical towards that idea. In fact, we often struggle to use language to conduct a meaningful debate because certain words ('woman', 'female' etc) have been co-opted by those in whose interests it is that the definitions of these words be tweaked, and who then tend to dismiss (e.g. no-platform) those who do not obey their frankly sexist directives relating to previously relevant language.

5moreminutes · 09/04/2017 18:31

You may well be right Vestal - my post was mainly prompted by sofa's implication that if you think you don't know anyone trans it's a negative reflection on you personally because you probably know loads but give off bad vibes so that trans people don't feel safe telling you... I live in what may be a bubble, in rural Germany, where "non gender binary" kids are just kids - pretty much everyone wears jeans all the time anyway, nobody wears dresses except toddlers and very old ladies... (Except Bavarian Dirndl during Wiesn / Oktoberfest and anything goes during Fasching / Karneval when nobody would assume anything...)

roarityroar · 09/04/2017 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

picklemepopcorn · 09/04/2017 18:38

A friend's workplace has been making accommodation for gender identity differences. As a result a man in a suit now totters around in high heels, which concerns my friend as she has a H and S responsibility, and unsuitable footwear on the staircases is a recognised issue. There is also a very tall and broad person using the ladies, which makes many women feel uncomfortable.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:46

living as a boy

To be fair Rhinestone, as a female with female sex organs, they're living as a female, aren't they?
Sorry but I just do really believe that we must reclaim the appropriate language involved in these discussions.
Presumably she was born with female sex organs, so she's living as a girl/woman. The choices she makes in her life don't detract from that.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:47

Why was Roarity's commented deleted? It wasn't offensive. Fucking hell.

MsJuniper · 09/04/2017 18:50

I live in London and mix in liberal arty circles (plenty LGB friends) but have only recently met a trans person - this was via work as she was setting up an event with us and the enquiry came in with a female name but it was a male-sounding voice on the phone. She has long hair but dresses fairly conservatively and neutral, so not in a way that corresponds with an idea of feminine fetishisation. Of course we've never mentioned trans in our meetings but I am intrigued to ask her.

I also have a friend on Fb who lives abroad and had a DS some years ago (who I've never met) but recently reintroduced her with a new name. It seems evident from her posts that the family has been through a lot and they now seem much happier. Friend is intelligent, mature and not at all attention seeking and again the child is not a girly stereotype. You'd have no idea she was trans, she just looks like a little girl.

I am gender critical but both my personal experiences of trans people don't fit the transactivist stereotype. I agree with a lot of the stuff I read on MN but I also would like trans people to go about their existence peacefully and happily. It is an uneasy line to walk.

picklemepopcorn · 09/04/2017 18:51

I suppose saying that all transgender people have a mental illness is offensive now.
I'm not sure why, as surely by definition we are talking about body dysmorphia, which I thought was a mental illness.

picklemepopcorn · 09/04/2017 18:51

Referring to Roarity's post, by the way.

kerrymumbles · 09/04/2017 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:53

Maybe time to question whose pockets MN HQ is dipping into?

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 18:54

Ok well OTOH Tranny isn't a nice word and I wouldn't support widespread use of that.

kerrymumbles · 09/04/2017 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgathaMystery · 09/04/2017 18:57

Vestal you're right, it does sound 'nitpicky' Wink you knew what I meant.

& FWIW I agree with you re: 'knowing' trans people. I don't know any. I knew of one yeas ago. I didn't know them.

I work in the biggest organisation in the U.K., am from London & live in a large city (in the centre).

cuirderussie · 09/04/2017 18:57

Yes pickle, there's some real cognitive dissonance with TRAs. On the one hand they claim that it's mental torture to be "born in the wrong body" and if you misgender or criticise or challenge their claims and demands, they are so fragile that they will kill themselves.

But if you refer to it as a mental problem that's also wrong. So what's the alternative? To literally believe someone's claim that despite being wholly male bodied, they are in fact female? There are some serious mental gymnastics involved if you have any kind of critical faculties.

WankingMonkey · 09/04/2017 18:58

I know 2. One I would class as a friend. The other a drinking acquaintance.

There was a 'transgirl' at DSDs school before he got excluded for being a pervert. I do not believe he is 'trans' though by current definitions trans includes nearly everyone. He did not experience sex dysphoria for sure though as he waggled his willy around (literally) in the loos. I cannot see someone who hates their male body doing that tbh

There are also 5 non-binary students at DSSs school. Vut again, non-binary really just means 'not a walking stereotype'

My lesbian friends know a lot of trans women. They are approached regularly when out. One has been assaulted for saying no to shagging a transwomans penis. 2 others have been put in awkward situations by 'female penis' type talk too.

I only know so many LGBT people as I am a regular on the 'gay scene' . I prefer going to gay bars and such as the people seem nicer and there is never any trouble...

AlecTrevelyan006 · 09/04/2017 18:59

AFAIK I do not know, nor have ever met, a transperson. Spent most of my life in London but now live in a market town in the shires.

FatLittleWombat · 09/04/2017 18:59

I don't know any trans people either.

TiggyD · 09/04/2017 18:59

That's what they called themselves back in the day.

Yup. That's what They called themselves. Probably best if you don't.

velourvoyageur · 09/04/2017 19:01

Kerry
I don't support anyone who supports the idea of gender to influence legislaton and public opinion.
However (as I've signalled to MN HQ) 'tranny' is an unpleasant slur. There's no need for it.

Tbh I'm half expected my previous posts on this thread to get deleted.