to breastfeed in front of my parents?

[parentsvsPIL]

Sad question to be asking.

My parents and sister + family are visiting to meet DS, they're arriving next week.

When my sister had her DD, my mother told her breastfeeding in front of other people was disgusting, and my father stared so much at her breasts that she quickly felt too uncomfortable to feed in public at all. So she fed her DD in the bedroom and weaned her by 7 months. Parents thought that was appropriate and will often complain about women "who feel the need to show off their bodies in public just to make a point" - by breastfeeding.

I'm much older, have seen more of the world, and am far bolshier than my sister was. I've got to 5 months of breastfeeding DS wherever and whenever, in public, and have only had a couple of incidents where I've needed to employ the steely gaze.

However as is ofen the way I am reduced to a quivering teenager by my parents (who have never been remotely empathetic or seen any need to modify their own behaviours or judgements). I'm feeling worried and embarrassed and they're not even here til Thursday. I know their judgement on this is horrendously out of step with normality. I also know they'll be judgememental and my father will stare.

Also if I feed in front of my sister she's going to resent me. She'll be a cow about it. Her husband will probably be rude about it.

DS will pick up on the atmosphere and get distracted & grizzly.

It would be easier for everyone if I just went to the bedroom to feed while they're here. And that makes me furious.

With my first I felt uncomfortable at first feeding in front of my in laws (I'm talking in the first week she was born because we hadn't cracked it yet) so I went upstairs. This was the worst thing I could have done as after that they assumed I was generally uncomfortable with it and would scarper the minute my daughter started to feed and in reality I was very chilled about it once we'd got established. I Thought nothing of feeding in public without a cover and I never had any negative reaction. My in laws reaction was the only thing I found uncomfortable in the 15 months I breastfed for- if we were out in a cafe or something, fil would turn to face the wall which made me feel awful. Do what you're comfortable with and screw how they may feel.

I think I'd be torn between feeding anywhere in my house as normal, and taking myself off to avoid a confrontation about it. Especially when talking about relatives I'm not close to and/or see infrequently (presumably the case here if they've not met their grandchild in his first 5 months).

I'd be more likely to stand my ground if I thought they'd be seeing a lot of us though. Hiding away for a day or two if they're not likely to see you again for another 5 months is much less of an imposition than hiding away to feed several times a week.

Not a generational thing though. My parents, PILs and other relatives and acquaintances of that generation or older, have all managed to keep any discomfort about me breastfeeding in front of them to themselves. Although I know MIL breastfed at least her first DC, as she made a point of telling me not to rely on breastfeeding as contraception - she said that's how she ended up accidentally pregnant with her DC2.

OP, like the boob hat idea. Do they do adult sizes? One each for you and DH? Give them something else to stare at...

They are weird. Do what's best for you and your baby, it sounds like he will grow up to have a considerably better relationship with his parents than you did so good for you.

Of course you could always get the other nipple out when you feel the let down, give it a squeeze and aim for miserable git's face. 10 points for face, 5 points for body?

You could passively aggressively pre-empt by saying, just gonna feed DS now, I won't be offended if you'd rather leave the room.

Still remember (v supportive) family visiting newborn DD for the first time, making themselves scarce, but not realising how long those newborn feeds took. 40 mins later they had definitely discovered all there was to know about the newly decorated nursery they had just popped up to see!

What a fucking incestuous pervert he is. He'd be nowhere near me, ever.

I can't get past the fact that your dad stared at your sisters breast?? WTF

I breastfed whenever and in front of whoever - particularly in my own home lol. I used a muslin when other people were round but I don't have issues and if other people did they could look away.

Breastfeeding in front of my dad did not bother me one jot and neither did it bother him. Nor my brothers. It's not sitting there with your tits out its feeding your child. I really was not at all bothered who saw me.

BIL and SIL totally mortified by the whole thing. Nieces and nephews fascinated - they were all under the age of 10 - lots of questions which I didn't mind answering but SIL minded a lot because the inevitable end result was "why didn't you feed me like that?

So? Is it impossible to have a thread fully supporting women's right to bf without someone having a pop the other way. So many women just seem not to get that attitudes like the ones the OP is experiencing will not change until women stop looking down on each other for the choices that they make.