AIBU to think that the institution of marriage is fundamentally deceptive and dishonest?

[K00kie]

Precisely that. Because, at the time you are often under the influence of cortisol and other hormones that won't last - and therefore you're vulnerable - you are made to pledge your entire life to one person, to the exclusion of all others. Regardless of whom you might meet later in life, and regardless of how the person to whom you pledged your life might change with time and so bear little similarity to the person you married. It amounts to institutional misrepresentation.

One might say - it's easy to get a divorce these days, so why worry? But then why bother getting married in the first place if you can get easily divorced?

In fact, even that's not easy as the very sad recent case of Mrs Owens shows - a woman refused a divorce and ordered by ass of a law to remain in unhappy, loveless marriage because, apparently, unhappiness in marriage is to be expected and is no grounds for divorce. How many couples tying the knot are aware of this?!

How many of you can honestly say after 10, 15 or 20 years of marriage or so, that you'd have made the same choice of husband / wife as you did all these years ago? How many of you can say that you still love your husband / wife after all these years?

I see so many couples around me who are disillusioned with their marriages, that seeing wedding couples makes me sick inside.

Any views?

Been married for 31 years this year, with dh for 32. I adore the man, he is thoughtful, kind, makes me laugh and I wouldn't swap him or our life together. No-one would say there are no downs, that's inherent in the marriage vows, but there are ups, and changing and growing together has been rewarding for us both.

"Some mentioned that of course Mrs Owens can get a divorce after 5 years of separation - but 5 years to wait is an awfully long time to wait when you're 66."

Wait for what? There is no legislation in this country that can force Mrs Owens to live with her husband or pay him any attention whatsoever simply because their marriage has not been annulled. Se can walk out when she likes, she can sleep with anyone she likes.

There are only two things she has to wait 5 years for:

a) to legally marry someone else- which she wouldn't be able to do anyway if the institution of marriage was abolished

b) to get a share of his millions- which she also would have no claim to if she hadn't been married in the first place

And of course it is b) that matters here: Mr Owen is a multimillionaire and his wife had (quite reasonably) expected to see some of that money. But her expectations are grounded on the fact that she was married in the first place.

If I were Mr Owens I would be offering her a two-year-and-consent divorce on my terms as to money!

Hmm. Op you have a lot of failed marriages in your sphere of reference. No wonder you're cynical!

I have been married a good number of years, like others, I adore my husband. I don't find it hard work at all: our goals in life are aligned and we both strive for the best for our family. We are like two huskies, we pull as a team. I think we were tremendously lucky to find each other though. A great marriage is life's jackpot.