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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feel terrible about baby crying for food on way home

39 replies

w12newmum · 06/04/2017 22:17

My baby is 8 weeks old and tonight for the second time while out he has cried most the way home (about 30mins) for food. The first time I was finishing shopping and I thought he was ok to make it home and then suddenly started crying. I decided to rush home on bus rather than find somewhere to breastfeed. Tonight I was at a party and thought he was just tired when he got upset before we left so would fall asleep in buggy on way home. I can read his sleepy cues but really struggle with his hunger cues so I normally feed on every waking and other times when he is fussy or crying and he is normally hungry. So I should have realised that he was probably hungry as well as tired and fed him before I left. He screamed most of the way home and feel terrible that he cried for that long when I could have fixed it. I tried to calm him but it doesn't have much of an effect when he gets worked up.

Both times he had been fed 1-2hrs before but he likes regular feeds and doesn't have much patience. He is also not gaining weight that fast which makes me feel even worse.

How do others deal with these situations when out - breast p or formula fed? I guess I should have gone to a cafe or something when I was in town and tonight made sure I fed before I left just in case or fed on the short bus journey home but that seemed too tricky at the time

OP posts:

Ummmmgogo · 06/04/2017 22:21

Don't beat yourself up. There was no harm done at all to your baby. In answer to your question, whenever my baby cried I would offer boob, then check nappy, then try to put to sleep. I would do this on the tube, library, wherever there was a seat. Standing up breastfeed was way too tricky for me but I have seen others do it. You didn't do anything wrong, you've learnt from what happened, don't worry about it any further xxx

Amockingjayhey · 06/04/2017 22:22

You live and learn don't worry. He got fed in the end!

It's horrible at the time but don't panic or beat yourself up about it .
There will be many many more times to come as a parent where you wish you had done something sooner / different / better.

You're doing great!

Imstickingwiththisone · 06/04/2017 22:22

Don't beat yourself up OP I think we've all misjudged it with feeding. Sometimes I'm guilty of feeding LO up too much before a journey too and he then gets sick and cries so i feel bad on those occasions too.

I promise you that the reason he is not gaining weight isn't because of these two instances so they're nothing in the bigger picture.

When I cocked up my feeding before a 30 minute car journey i used a dummy and when that went missing (argh double nightmare) i used my finger and hushed the entire way.

Poor you having it happen on a bus though

LurpakIstheOnlyButter · 06/04/2017 22:22

just go with it, try your best and don't stress. none of them come with a manual and you get to know them so well as time goes on.

Don't beat yourself up about it. If you decide to FF that is also fine. Whatever works for you and baby

georgethecat · 06/04/2017 22:22

You are just getting to know each other, don't sweat it. He won't go hungry xxx

RelentlesslyPositive · 06/04/2017 22:24

I just used to feed on the bus. It's easy to do discreetly after a bit of practice. Most commuters would rather have a feeding baby than a screaming baby on the bus.

Even if you do flash a bit of flesh by mistake, this is hardly the end of the world. The law says you can breastfeed pretty much anywhere you like.

Tiny babies have tiny bellies, and need feeding as soon as they are hungry. Your baby has rights, and so do you.

After a while, I bought a sling and learned to breastfeed without even having to take the baby out. I could shop, hoover, do long school runs. .. problem solved!

Don't worry too much about this. It's hard to start with, isn't it? But you will soon find ways of dealing with this.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 06/04/2017 22:25

Breast feeding and when to feed your baby does take some time to get used to, so don't feel guilty. I've got 3dc and definitely the same thing happened with me a few times when I had my first.
What I would say is that just feed your baby ALL the time. Before you leave somewhere, as soon as you get there, on a bus, in a cafe, at a party....and so on. Especially if weight gain in slow. Just feed as much as you can, even if he doesn't seem hungry.
In the situation you describe I would have fed on the bus. Or if I felt uncomfortable doing that, I would have sat in the supermarket and fed baby before leaving, even if he'd didn't seem hungry.
As you get more confident, you can learn to breastfeed in the sling, which is a real life saver.

EB123 · 06/04/2017 22:26

There is nothing more stressful than your baby crying, it is horrible, i've been there.
Could you get a sling for bus trips so he is snuggly and close(mine always went to sleep in them.and you can feed in them too if needed.

welshgirlwannabe · 06/04/2017 22:27

Sorry you had an upsetting journey. It's horrible when they're so upset. If it's any consolation it can be very hard to read a tiny babies cues! You haven't done your little one any harm though and these things do get easier.

Have you tried wearing your baby in a stretchy wrap like a kari me? You can feed baby while he's tucked up in it. If it's comfortable for you you can even feed him while you're walking. It's very discrete and no one can see that you are breastfeeding. There are videos on YouTube that show how to wrap and position baby.

I just stop and feed wherever I am though, even if that means feeding standing up leaning against a wall! No one has ever said anything negative or judgemental to me and for me it's better than listening to crying.

Don't feel guilty though. You are doing just fine.

Amockingjayhey · 06/04/2017 22:28

You could get a breastfeeding cover if you felt a bit uneasy about feeding in public at the moment. Some have very pretty designs.

welshgirlwannabe · 06/04/2017 22:30

Cross posted with everyone! See, you're not alone

iwasbornaunicorn · 06/04/2017 22:32

Don't worry you're still learning your baby's cues.

On the BF I've literally fed mine everywhere or it feels like I have, I have fed on the bus & in the car (when it was stationary) on every bench in the land, even walking in a sling (only once never got the hang of it).
If your baby is a snacker like one of mine you just have to plan when they are young for everything to involve at least one BF stop. Before you know it the length of time between feeds will extend & it will no longer be an issue.

Miniwookie · 06/04/2017 22:33

No point beating yourself up about it, but next time just feed him. That's the joy of breastfeeding, you always have milk available.

RelentlesslyPositive · 06/04/2017 22:33

I'm not sure about breastfeeding covers. .. I do understand why women use them, but I don't see why they should have to cover up breastfeeding. Also, they're counterproductive - they are like a big sign that says, "hey, there's a breastfeeding baby under here".

Also, covers only work until the baby is about six months old. After that, they pull away the cover so they can have a good look around. I used to wear a cotton scarf that I could pull discreetly over the baby's head, but it only worked for the first few months.

ironwoman123 · 06/04/2017 22:34

There's been countless times my DD has screamed and screamed. Sometimes I'd keep driving just hoping to get home ASAP. Other times I'd pull over and feed her but sometimes even despite being fed and clean she would still scream when sat back in her car seat so I just had to drive with her screaming.

I hate it and it really gets me so nervous. Don't know if I'm the only one but during times like those I fill myself with ridiculous fear and thoughts of "this must be damaging her brain", "she must think she's being neglected so she'll have issues for the rest of her life", "she hates me".

It's good to remind yourself that babies cry and scream, sometimes for nothing and they are ok.

I realised this when 1 minute after a screaming fit my daughter would smile and cuddle me and I would think "hmm, she's actually ok and forgot all about it!"

Osolea · 06/04/2017 22:35

Try not to worry too much, you're obviously an attentive and caring Mum, and your baby is fine. Think of all the times parents keep older hungry children waiting for their dinner because it hasn't finished cooking, or about the times school children come out of school whining that they're hungry and have to wait until they get home. It doesn't do them any harm.

If it helps, I also struggled to read cues and then made the opposite mistake which isn't any better. I offered my eldest the boob any time he made a sound, became a human dummy and it didn't do him any favours in learning how to self soothe and sleep well. But it's fine, he's a healthy strapping teenager now and breastfeeding mistakes seem like nothing looking back. Just get used to the fact that as a parent, you are likely to always feel guilty about something no matter what you do!

Teapot13 · 06/04/2017 22:36

If your first baby is 8 weeks and you are taking outings on the bus, congratulations!

These things happen. My baby got too hungry today, too, and she's my third. She is on solids now and I forget to factor in that I need to do that. We are all just doing our best. Motherhood isn't for sissies!

Pastaagain78 · 06/04/2017 22:38

Exactly what itsjustaphase said. Feed ALL the time. Don't worry about what has happened. We all misjudge things.

Trifleorbust · 06/04/2017 22:40

You are doing your very best, don't worry! At 8 weeks my DD could go 0-60 very, very quickly - no warning really that she might be hungry. Public transport would have been a bit of a nightmare. My strategy (she is 16 weeks how) has been to feed her at every opportunity, then she gets less of a chance to think she is starving, but inevitably there will be times when she is hungry. I tend to assume that before tired as I know she will only sleep when she is full so (for her anyway) it doesn't matter whether she is tired as such, she will always need a feed.

amysmummy12345 · 06/04/2017 22:40

My mantra is "if it squeaks put a boob in it" feeding on demand is perfectly normal for this little fellow, you're doing great

Sunshinegirl82 · 06/04/2017 22:43

Don't beat yourself up about it, you're doing your best and they feed all the time at that age! It's hard to keep up.

I just used to offer the boob all the time and definitely before any period where it would be difficult to feed so before car journeys for example. Sometimes he would still cry for food again after 10 minutes and I'd just try and feed him as soon as I could.

I found buying some decent breastfeeding specific clothes made a difference as I felt I could be a bit more discreet in public. I have fed all over the place and most of the time no-one even notices!

You're doing a fab job.

skerrywind · 06/04/2017 22:44

I agree with the others.

I would breastfeed anywhere- a bus is perfect, a chair in a shop, sitting on a wall in the street.

Avioleta · 06/04/2017 22:50

Please don't worry.

We've all had moments when we've misjudged things. I remember driving to my parents when DD was about 3 months old. I decided to keep driving rather than feed her at a motorway service station. As soon as we were back on the motorway she woke up crying for food. It was very stressful.

She's now 7 and has shown no ill effects though.

mrwalkensir · 06/04/2017 22:50

you may also get to identify a definite hunger cry - ours had a definite "la" sound in theirs - got to the point where I pretty much let down at that sound.

BarbarianMum · 06/04/2017 22:52

I always offered the breast first at 8 weeks- even if he'd only fed a short while before (I was rubbish at distinguishing different types of crying). It was almost always what he wanted.

I also started feeding in public because the sound of him crying made me sick with panic. So cafes, buses, anywhere just to stop the noise.

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