Feel terrible about baby crying for food on way home

[w12newmum]

My baby is 8 weeks old and tonight for the second time while out he has cried most the way home (about 30mins) for food. The first time I was finishing shopping and I thought he was ok to make it home and then suddenly started crying. I decided to rush home on bus rather than find somewhere to breastfeed. Tonight I was at a party and thought he was just tired when he got upset before we left so would fall asleep in buggy on way home. I can read his sleepy cues but really struggle with his hunger cues so I normally feed on every waking and other times when he is fussy or crying and he is normally hungry. So I should have realised that he was probably hungry as well as tired and fed him before I left. He screamed most of the way home and feel terrible that he cried for that long when I could have fixed it. I tried to calm him but it doesn't have much of an effect when he gets worked up.

Both times he had been fed 1-2hrs before but he likes regular feeds and doesn't have much patience. He is also not gaining weight that fast which makes me feel even worse.

How do others deal with these situations when out - breast p or formula fed? I guess I should have gone to a cafe or something when I was in town and tonight made sure I fed before I left just in case or fed on the short bus journey home but that seemed too tricky at the time

You need a baby carrying harness that is easy to (temporarily) reposition so it goes a bit lower than normal and a big coat :)

Thanks everyone. That's basically what DP said but nice to hear it from others as it's hard not to beat yourself up for it. I was definitely catastrophising with what if I've spoiled our bonding, effecting his weight gain further etc,

I'll definitely take on board the 'feed all the time advice'. Although at home I am used to and more than happy to feed as often as his may need I think I haven't quite adjusted my expectations for trips out and hope he will last a set amount of time which isn't always possible. Although I am ok with breastfeeding in public in general I need to get used to doing it anywhere and everywhere and also get used to the idea of being stuck somewhere because it's more important to feed the baby than get somewhere else.

Thanks to those that made other suggestions. he loves the stretchy sling but I haven't tried feeding in it yet, I'll look into it. I have a cover but don't often use because as others said it sometimes feels more conspicuous (although helpful for adjusting nipple shield which baby currently won't latch without adding a bit more difficulty)

Talk to a health visitor or the national breastfeeding helpline about ditching the nipple shields in the long run. They'll only get in your way, even if they have short term benefit. Good positioning and attachment should help you lose them (unless your baby has tongue tie or there is some other issue).

Great to hear you sounding more confident. Keep up the good work!

This brings back memories of trying to get home from shopping and swerving wildly into the nearest carpark to drag out a boob and soothe a hysterical infant. God the stress. I still rue the days we made the fatal error of thinking, "Oh, he's going to make it home this time!" and passing the last safe stopping place before hitting a long, narrow A road with no place to stop for the twenty minutes. Cue twenty solid minutes of heartbreaking starvation crying.

Anyway, point being, OP, you can try your absolute damnedest and you will get caught out. You are not a terrible parent. Your baby will not be scarred. (You might be. I still am.) And one day, suddenly, you'll realise that they haven't made your ears bleed on the way home in a while, and you won't quite remember when that happened.

I used the shields too as baby wouldn't latch- turned out baby had a tongue tie which they can be a bit rubbish at detecting so might be worth getting it checked out. I hated the shields, so hard to do discretely so you are doing well using them - as soon as my baby had the tongue tie op he latched on fine, it didn't cause any problems

I still hate feeding in public but you do get used to it and like others have said, you also get into more of a rhythm so have a better idea if when they will need food. It wont have harmed your bond at all, my 4mth old has to occasionally wait longer than she'd like and she's very much a mummy's girl. I have 3dc and with my latest babba I was also told she was taking too long to put on weight and worried it was something I was doing. She's now on the 85th percentile and doing great, sometimes it just takes a baby a bit longer to get going. Good luck with it all xx

The important thing is that you learn from it, feeding with a little baby needs to happen NOW not in 20 min or even 10 but NOW they simply cannot wait so get used to offering milk at every cry! If they even whimper,check nappy,offer milk or cuddle at that age that is the checklist. You will need to get used to feeding everywhere you go especially if breast feeding,I was every 40 mins for about 20 mins at one point with my DS I literally could barely make it to my destination before having to feed again before we were even out of the car and having to pull over on slightly longer journeys.

I did exactly the same. Dd about 3 months, coming back from our first parent and baby group, thought "she'll be ok till we get home". It was lunchtime so everywhere was packed and it was raining. Dd cried, screamed, screamed hysterically. I had to stop on a bench in horrible windy drizzle and feed her. She is two now but I still feel guilty when I think about it!

I did this with my second, you think I would know better. Thought he would last the car ride home. He didn't. Traffic was horrendous and literally nowhere to stop.

No lasting damage though. You get used to just having to stop. I've ended up sat feeding on a bench in the cold before in the middle of trying to get from one place to another. The first time I fed on a bus was nerve wracking but I got a lovely reassuring comment from someone which helped. It gets better.

This is bound to happen a couple of times. DD is now 17 weeks old and I know the difference in her cries. I also now find that I don't panic and go, if that makes sense. Much better to feed her and then leave and if that means I pay more for parking/stay longer at a friends, so be it.

I'm sure you're doing a fab job and also, your babies cry seems horrific to you, but I promise it's not the same for others. I went to weigh DD and all the other babies cries didn't bother me one jot but when DD cries it rips at my heart.

much better to go out and about and get it a bit wrong occasionally than to be holed up in the house. Congratulations!

Also, every time DD woke at that age it was due to hunger, then we would play for a bit and then she'd sleep again. Have you tried offering food at every wake?

In the early days I wandered round breastfeeding practically constantly but DS couldn't go more than 45 mins without a feed, so if I ever wanted to leave the house I had to feed on the go. By 10 weeks I could feed anywhere!

I don't know if this will be helpful but I decided to keep a diary of my breast feeding 9 week old's day. I was concerned she was feeding 'too often' and that meant I wasn't supplying her with enough milk. Turns out this pattern is entirely normal.

No way could I have listened to her cry for 30 mins. When she's asking for food I give it to her as quickly as I can without being a panicked prat about it. I do pull over in the car to feed, have fed on a park bench in the middle of a walk, cafe, hospital waiting room...that really is the idea of breast feeding - it's on demand.

Personally, I feel sad for the baby that it screamed on the bus journey when you could have fed but it won't have caused any damage. Just seems a shame for the baby to be distressed when it didn't need to be.

Also, I look for the baby turning her head to the side repeatedly and feed then - way less stressful than waiting for the crying.

Sorry the list below is so long but it might help you see that feeding very often at this stage is totally normal. It's hard work either way so well done for the last 8 weeks and I hope you're enjoying it despite the sore boobs and sleepless nights!

5.00am - 5.20 feed - 20 mins
5.20 - 6.30 sleep - 1hr 10 mins
6.36-7.00 feed - 24 mins
Went 1.40 between feeds
7.00 - 7.10 sleep - 10 mins
7.10 - 8.20 awake - 1hr 10 mins
8.20 - 9.15 sleep - 55 mins
9.17 - 9.30 Feed - 13 mins
Went 2.17 between feeds
9.30- 10.00 sleep - 30 mins
10.22 - 10.35 feed - 13 mins
10.40 - 11.10 feed - 30 mins
Went 1.05 between feeds
11.10 -12pm awake - 50 mins
12.10 - 12.45 feed - 35 mins
Went 1.48 between feeds
12.45-1.45 sleep - 1 hr
1.45 - 2.52 awake - 1 hr 7 mins
2.52 - 15.18 Feed - 26 mins
Went 2.42 between feeds
15.18 - 15.29 Sleep - 11 mins
15.35 - 16.10 feed - 35 mins
Went 43 mins between feeds
16.10 - 17.30 awake (ten min nap)
17.30 - 17.50 feed - 20 mins
Went 1.55 between feeds
17.50 - 19.00 awake - 1 hr 10 mins
19.04 - 19.22 feed - 18 mins
19.45 - 19.55 feed - 10 mins
20.06 - 20.38 feed - 32 mins
20.56 - 21.13 feed - 17 mins
21.22 - 21.42 feed - 20 mins
21.53 - 2.25 sleep - 4 hr 33 mins
02.31 - 02.43 Feed
Went 4.39 between feeds
02.52 - 05.45 sleep
05.45 - 06.00 Feed
Went 2.53 between feeds

beaderbird oh that list has just reminded me what I am in for when my 2nd baby arrives... my first fed like thay and when I remember how often it was I just try and convince myself I am probably just exaggerating.... but no ... that is it haha.. round the clock and non stop in the evenings haha! Well done.. !

OP that sounds really hard . I also advocate the feed whereever approach. On a walk once I got him out the pram and fed him sat on the grass on a miserable grey day in a park haha. On a train, in a bus, tat supermarket on the benches. I never had any negative comments.. a lot of people (older ladies) actually came over to say how nice it was to see someone feeding in public. My mum.was the most horrified aboit it haha

.

My 8 week old screams in buggy everytime but settles as soon as in a sling. Not hungry or tired or anything.

Could you try a sling cause then you can feed as you walk.