5 year old who hurts family

[Pibplob]

Does anyone have a 5 ish year old with a spiteful temper? My daughter has started hitting out at us (her parents) and sibling. She gets really angry and overreacts to stuff and then gets violent. I fear it's getting worse. Today she has pinched me and left a huge bruise. I actually started crying it was so painful even though it's just a pinch. She is an angel at school and so I know she doesn't have a behaviour problem as she is choosing to be nasty at home. I feel I have to stamp this out now while she's little but anything I do she just screams and I have to think of the neighbours too. She is making things miserable and im not liking the school holidays much. Anyone else?

How many siblings has she got and what number is she? Could she be doing it for attention?

She's the youngest. She could be doing it for attention but there's only two of them and I'm a sahm so she gets lots of attention. Yes, I said she's spiteful and nasty. I not know how else you would describe this kind of behaviour. Please enlighten me!

Have you considered whether there is any food/ drinks that may be triggering it? Or hunger?

As pretty much anything other than spiteful and nasty. Those aren't qualities of 5 year olds, and projecting such things on to very young children is part of your problem right there.

Maybe sen but I don't think so due to choosing when to misbehave - only at home

Not necessarily - my colleague has a daughter with autism who is fine at school, but quite often explodes at home. Apparently this is pretty common for girls on the spectrum, from what he said - they put all of their energy into keeping it together at school, and release once they get home. However, his daughter is a bit older, and I may have misinterpreted/misremembered what he said!

But I don't use those words to her. And she can't read the forum yet so I think I'm ok there thanks! When she displays that behaviour she is indeed being spiteful! Yes, hunger is something that makes her behaviour deteriorate. She does eat a lot and I wonder if it's hunger but she has plenty of food and healthy snacks so not sure what more I can do there.

Oh please! She picks up what you think about her. She isn't being spiteful ffs, she's FIVE.

No that's pretty much exactly correct Metal. Not just kids on the spectrum, either. Lots of small children find coping with school all day exhausting and stressful and "explode" when they get home (autistic children are most likely to totally meltdown than tantrum).

dingdong how nice for you that you think 5yos can't be spiteful.

They can't.
If you think they can you either know nothing about children or you need a dictionary.

you need to follow up on her hearing
"showed a lack of hearing "

behavior like that in a young child is for a reason - whether it's hearing, tiredness, attention or whatever
go to school and get some support, attend any parenting classes offered, ask for someone to observe her at home etc.

OK how about a trip to the GP? Make a few notes about the situation and discuss.

Of course you are not calling your child spiteful. Small children can wear you down and press your buttons for sure.

Many SEN conditions often cause the child to have a jekyll and Hyde personality.

I have 2 child with Autism diagnosis. My youngest is an angel outside the house, but as soon as he returns home he turns into Satan!

My DS has an explosive temper. There is another child being horrible to him at school (he is 5) so he lets it out at home.

We are working on different techniques to support him. Before we leave the school, make sure there isn't anything he needs to tell us, that we then need to address with the teacher.

While I dislike doing it, bring carrot sticks or another snack with us, when picking him up helps.

Giving him half an hour to do what he wants, to wind down after school.

Also watching things he has snack wise. Some things set him off climbing the walls, other things seem to make him angry. I can't find anything in them specific enough to say this is it, but sugary stuff plays a part, (maybe E numbers)

Also as a child I had a very explosive temper, it took me years (late 20's) to manage it well, we use time outs a lot, not just for him, but for me. We take a few minutes to calm down and then talk, first him then me, taking turns and listening to each other.

Things we have found haven't work, threatening to take a toy away and following through on that, he didn't seem to mind. Not following through on something, this set us back a few weeks. Reward jar.

I personally think it is a long road, and while we have been working on it for 3-4 months now, his temper has gotten better, although when he does lose it, he still goes for it, however he has stopped trying to hit or hurt me

Those aren't qualities of 5 year olds, and projecting such things on to very young children is part of your problem right there.

You are mistaken about projection. I remember that "spiteful" was one of the questions on the medical behaviour assessment questionnaire for my DS - it stuck in my mind because I was a little taken aback by it. The questionnaire was not asking "is the parent projecting" it was looking for patterns of behaviour because some kids who are stressed or have other problems can behave in spiteful ways. It's the behaviour that's being labelled not the child, and it's not projection to recognise that kind of behaviour.

My DS2 had (and still does, to an extent, at 14) a complete angry personality change when hungry. When I picked him up from school I had to stuff a banana down him in seconds before Mr Hyde appeared!

Yes just to echo my son was similar at that age. Fine at school home was awful to the point I seriously considered asking social services to take him. It was Aspergers but didn't get that diagnosis until five years later because of his ability to mask at school.

It wasn't about choosing how to behave and where but that home was safe and he could no longer bottle it up.

How many children do you have DingDong ?

Give this mother a break - she's doing what we're all doing - she's trying her best. The last I heard they weren't handing out manuals on child rearing.

My niece (3yo) is going through a hitting phase. Her parents are dealing with it through consequences (eg no treats, turn fave tv programme off), but she hit me once when they weren't around. I just walked away with a clear "I don't play with children who hit me". She wanted me to read her a story a couple of minutes later and I asked her "are you going to hit me again?" She said no, I read her the story and that was that. She seemed to get the message and hasn't done it since. Much easier for me, of course, because I only look after her a couple of times each week.

Thank you all! Don't worry about ding dong - she clearly doesn't understand! I think I'm going to look at her food in more detail and see how she goes over the Easter holidays while she's not so tired. She does have another hearing test coming up in a few weeks so will see how that goes too. If nothing changes I will talk to school and maybe the Gp. I just want her to stop and for us all to be happy. X

I don't understand the rush to add a clinical label to, or find a deep-rooted psychological reason for this behaviour. 5 yos like to test boundaries, fact.

She'll adjust back to acceptable behaviour with some gentle discipline, and will learn some valuable life lessons in the process.

OP - persevere, it will be worth it.

High in the sky - that's what I'm hoping. I really hope you're right! I don't want her to be Sen. I'm watching her playing now and she's so lovely and sweet and funny. I just want her to be like this more of the time.

5 of my own. Professionally been involved with another thousand. What is your point?

how bloody rude....the point is 5 year olds aren't spiteful but that very intense and sometimes exhausting experience of being Mum can bring up all sorts of feelings.

Also little 'uns know how to press your buttons.

highinthesky

There's no rush. Just possibilities. Gleaned from experience.