"Well of course I was going to tell BF"

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

I originally wrote quite a long post detailing the entire situation and how this came up but it got too long.

So basically what I want to know is: if a friend told you something and said "but please don't tell anyone" would you think that included your OH?

photograph -can you answer this question "At what level does not repeating the conversation become "lying to your husband"?

Photograph but even those happy news examples are things that aren't your information to share.

If my friend had gone around telling people I was pregnant before I'd had the chance to I'd be really really upset with them.

pregnancy, promotions, scholarship are hardly "secrets" or confidential information though, are they. They will become public information soon enough

The pregnancy might end in a miscarriage actually. That could be why someone confides in a friend but does not want it to go any further.

At what level does not repeating the conversation become "lying to your husband"?

When pretending you had a lovely time when your friend was actually telling you about something very upsetting. Or when withholding information gives him a very inaccurate picture of a situation.

When pretending you had a lovely time when your friend was actually telling you about something very upsetting. Or when withholding information gives him a very inaccurate picture of a situation

So, when you are a nurse on an oncology ward and you spot your neighbour there for an appointment and your DH asks you how work was, would it be lying to not tell him that you saw your neighbour there?

If not (and you believe the information should be kept confidential), how is that different from saying 'oh it was fine, it was nice to catch up' regarding a lunch where your friend told you that her husband is having impotence issues?

Your friend's issues are not necessarily upsetting for YOU are they?

It's not "breaking confidentiality" it's that reducing a close friend's intimate problems to cheesy gossip fodder is a totally assholish thing to do.

or you could read my previous replies, and read that if I bother telling my husband about something, it's either because it's really funny or more likely important to me.

Telling my partner is not gossip. It might be with yours, but we don't have the same kind of relationship, clearly.

Again, as written many time, you are being way too litteral about the "telling someone everything". See, I haven't told him I wrote this, and I am not gonna. It's not remotely important enough for either of us to care.

Photograph can you please explain why you distinguish between workplace confidences and your friends' confidences? Why is it ok to repeat one and not the other (or do you share work confidences as well?).

Telling your partner something private that a friend has confided in you is gossip.
If you start telling your other friends, it's gossip. If you tell your neighbour, it's gossip.

Anyone means just that. You tell no one.

Or you could just say "hmm-bit fraught but she'll be fine. Food was great-we must go there!"

What if you did have a lovely time and part of the lovely time was your fri be telling you she's pregnant but not telling anybody yet.

So you could quite truthfully say "Yes, it was lovely"

yes, we do talk about everything, private or work, it doesn't mean I tell him the most boring details of every single petty thing. Have you never asked your husband how he would handle something? Don't you like to have a second opinion, ideally from the outside? I am reasonably confident, but not that confident that I can't realise I make mistakes or handle situations wrong. (I don't work in the medical area, so I could ask anyone about the moral aspect of something , I am not asking to invent a medical treatment here.)

I don't put my husband or my neighbour in the same bag I am afraid. Pity on you if you do.

Blimey. So you blab about professional things too? Hope that doesn't come and bite you in the bum.........

What if you did have a lovely time and part of the lovely time was your fri be telling you she's pregnant but not telling anybody yet.

So you could quite truthfully say "Yes, it was lovely"

Or in real life, I could just tell him and be free to burst into tears and talk about my last miscarriage because he happens to know about it. By keeping my friends' pregnancy secret from him, he would be at loss to understand why I am suddenly feeling down, I wouldn't vent with him and wouldn't be able to truly celebrate with my friend.

Talking with my husband is not gossip. Think what you want about talking with yours, I am not likely to change my opinion about mine.

yes, we do talk about everything, private or work, it doesn't mean I tell him the most boring details of every single petty thing

Great, well I hope your employers are understanding if your breaches come to light. I also hope that you are cool with the fact that your nurse/doctor/counsellor/solicitor might share intimate details about you with their partner over a cheeky glass of vino.

It's not about treating my dh the same as my neighbour, it's about offering my friends the trust and respect they deserve.

yes, we do talk about everything, private or work,

So just to be clear - you share workplace confidences with each other even though you both work in jobs requiring confidentiality?

over a cheeky glass of vino

that's the difference between you and me. I talk about things because I care, you just dismiss what matters to other people and you confuse a solid relationship with a jolly with the friends you drink with. You confuse sharing with a husband and taking the piss of other people.

We are not talking about the same things. As said above several times, you don't understand what we are talking about.

"We are not talking about the same things. As said above several times, you don't understand what we are talking about."

Oh yes I do. You blab professional and personal confidences to someone who has no right to hear them. You say it's different because it is your husband. But what you are doing is denying the autonomy of your client or your friend. You are removing their right to choose who knows what about them,which is pretty despicable behaviour, frankly. And goes against any professional code I have ever been involved with.

that's the difference between you and me. I talk about things because I care, you just dismiss what matters to other people and you confuse a solid relationship with a jolly with the friends you drink with. You confuse sharing with a husband and taking the piss of other people

Mmmm hmmm. Not sure your professional regulators or employers would see 'caring' as a reason to breach confidentiality. But yeah, carry on, why not?

I tell dh everything so yes I would. He never repeats anything though

Really, it's just all about you, then photograph and how you feel? Not about wanting to support your friend while respecting their privacy, or honouring your professional obligations to maintain the confidentiality of the client.

I am appalled to think that someone would relay deeply personal information about me to their partner. It is a terrible breach of trust.

If my partner shared that kind of information with me, I'd be questioning his integrity tbh.

It would be unbearable if we couldn't talk to each other and had to think twice before saying anything

It wouldn't occur to me to mention to my husband that a friend had a urinary incontinence problem. I wouldn't have to think twice about that. I know innately that he doesn't need to know.

But yeah, carry on, why not?

I haven't read anything on this thread so far that would encourage me not to, or has convinced me that talking with my own husband is wrong.