"Well of course I was going to tell BF"

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

I originally wrote quite a long post detailing the entire situation and how this came up but it got too long.

So basically what I want to know is: if a friend told you something and said "but please don't tell anyone" would you think that included your OH?

I'm really boring. Tonight we're going to eat pizza and catch up on Masterchef. Tomorrow we're going to tackle the garden, then have a roast dinner.

Maybe my life would be more exciting if I was married?

Yep. The master bedroom thread. Respect that she hasn't name-changed after being found out as a bullshitting fantasist.

I'm going to pick up a pair of glasses, and go round the charity shops and meet a colleague about a book I'm editing. I may drink beer.

We're staying in a lovely hotel

Make sure you get a good photo of the room for the next bedroom thread.

My boyfriends just got in from work, so I'm waiting for him to get changed and we are heading out to the park/farm with dd.
The suns out in the north and it's lovely!
We might even end up in a beer garden for a few!

"I'm going to pick up a pair of glasses, and go round the charity shops and meet a colleague about a book I'm editing. I may drink beer. smile"

Oh, if only you had entered into the sanctity of holy matrimony, it might have been champagne............

I tell my husband everything and always assume everyone else does too. I wouldn't ask a friend to keep a secret from their spouse or partner.

If someone asked me specifically not to tell my husband I wouldn't but I'd explain that it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'd prefer they didn't share things with me they didn't want my husband to know. Tbh I can't see it happening as a) all my friends know I don't keep things from DH and b) my closest friends also have spouses / partners that they share everything with.

Maybe it makes me a bad friend but being open with my husband is my priority so I'm okay with that. The only exception would be if I have children - I remember telling my mum things I didn't want my dad to know.

Wait wait, the Danish trip might be a lie?

Geez if I were to invent an exciting glamorous life I hope I'd come up with something slightly less generically surburban than a European Easyjet-style minibreak, having a beer, and a bit of shopping with the girls.

I am organising a mates' trip to play dinosaur mini-golf. You may all admire me.

It's about honesty in the relationship and total trust.
But no one has yet been able to explain why not blurting out "Susan sometimes wets herself but don't tell anyone" unsolicited is being dishonest. Past a certain point it's nothing to do with trust, it's just gossip for gossip's sake.

Ot but I'm sad some people still describe fertility issues as 'an embarrassing medical secret'.
I don't think it's about them thinking it's embarrassing but because of the reactions from others who think it is, and wanting to avoid them. Look how many threads we've had on "inappropriate things said to you when pregnant"! Or ILs using failure to conceive naturally as a weapon. It might not be embarrassing but infertility is painful and it is private - people are perfectly entitled to not want their fertility issues used as gossip fodder. (Of course there might be situations where it's not gossip - if you're having fertility issues yourself and your friend describing her IVF is triggering, I think it's totally understandable to need to discuss it with your SO.)

Some of you shouldn't believe everything the cynics say. My photo was actually one taken for a magazine article not a hotel room but hey, believe what you will. I'm posting deliberately poor quality picture of my house to avoid confusion- I'll post the boarding cards when we've checked in, if you like. Not sure why I should justify myself because others are judging by own standards. Do you want pictures of the kids commission/medical degrees/44 points at IB too?

NCC, I'm madly impressed by your plans and if it were me I'd be stopping strangers in the street to tell them!

I'm going to pick up a pair of glasses, and go round the charity shops and meet a colleague about a book I'm editing. I may drink beer. smile

I've been to the dentist, had my hair done and tonight will probably eat pizza or pasta and watch some catchup tv. Tomorrow we will probably catch up with random stuff and maybe do some gardening.

However as I'm married every moment of these tasks will be intrinsically more exciting than your experiences

I'm still trying to work out why its ok to breach a friend's confidence but not a work confidence. Personally I don't charge people to respect their confidences.

"The only exception would be if I have children"

Now this I really don't get. Surely if your husband has a right to hear anyone's confidences, it's his children's? Isn't it more likely to be damaging to your relationship that you have kept something significant about his children from him than you kept the confidence of someone he hardly knows from him? As I said, I am keeping our dd's confidence at the moment- but I know dp won't be able to help being hurt and upset that I did- although I also know he will quite understand why I did. If our relationship (sans marriage lines) wasn't so solid, I could see it being shaken. Me keeping my friend's work screw up or affair from him? Nope, no impact at all.

NCC, I'm madly impressed by your plans and if it were me I'd be stopping strangers in the street to tell them!

Me too!

Not sure why other people are posting photos of houses?

Do you want pictures of the kids commission/medical degrees/44 points at IB too?

Yes.

Bertrand I want my children to be able to tell one of their parents anything. I don't want them being put off telling one of us something because they don't want the other to know. Their wellbeing is the most important thing.

An example would be that I told my mum when I was first thinking of having sex. That meant she was able to help me get contraception sorted etc and I always felt safe. I would have been mortified if my dad had known and wouldn't have told her if I thought she'd tell my dad.

My husband would understand and it would be the same the other way around - it's a policy we've agreed together.

Obviously there would be exceptions - if it was something that would impact us as a family for example, or something illegal etc. But I would encourage my children to talk first.

Why is a mini-break in Denmark being used to explain why a friend's confidences mean nothing to you?

All those saying that you know your husband would never tell anyone, and that's why it's ok. I can't trust you to keep my counsel so why should I trust your husband or what you say about him?

Why is a mini-break in Denmark being used to explain why a friend's confidences mean nothing to you?

Poster A: If you have that sort of relationship with your husband, where you share everything, your life sounds a bit dull.

Poster B: Bollocks is it dull. Look at this this amazing mini break to Denmark we're going on.

Probably (anyone get this reference?)

Have just spent 30mins reading Crumbs1's previous posts.

Absolutely not! Growing up in the care system, where every minute detail, relevant or irrelevant, was kept on you from birth to late teens...and I mean EVERYTHING!- no way would I gossip.

My photo was actually one taken for a magazine article not a hotel room
A hotel is using a picture of your bedroom to advertise its own rooms?

Quite apart from anything else I'm not quite sure how I'd find the time and energy to fill my partner in on everything in my own life, let alone my friends'. Vast swathes of stuff go unremarked, what with us both having quite busy lives and all.

Also, it is actually something I value in him - the fact he respects other people's privacy. I think that makes him a good person. I like having a relationship with someone who has that quality - it's part of being able to be a good friend.

I don't tell my oh anything secret or otherwise!

A hotel is using a picture of your bedroom to advertise its own rooms?

Might see if tissue companied want to use a picture of mine.

It's a lovely house Crumbs but why has the photo been taken from the bushes?