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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not interested in head teacher job

127 replies

Galla · 05/04/2017 21:03

He's a great teacher with lots of experience and I assumed this is where is is heading. A perfect head job has just been advertised. Right distance away, not too far, not too near to bump into any of them. Small school which looks ideal to start off with.
I excitedly emailed him the link when I saw the ad. He got home from work and said he'd think about it. Which was not promising. Then said today he's not interested but might be in a year or two. Jobs this ideal wouldn't come around that often in our area. I can't really understand his reasoning and they don't make any sense to me
He doesn't like the current school. He has no camaraderie with these colleagues unlike previous schools. The boss is weak. He enjoys teaching but the current class isn't his first choice.
He wants to be a head, but says he doesn't know enough of what's involved and wants more experience.
Sounds reasonable-ish but he has years of experience and its easy to find out what's involved.
I think he might have lost some confidence in his abilities as he has been drained this year with difficult assistants and a bigger than normal workload.
Aibu to try convincing him that this is a lost opportunity and that he is very capable?
I know I can't make him do anything he doesn't want too, but it's frustrating.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 05/04/2017 21:21

Is he a HOD/member or SLT? Or is he just a normal teacher?

EweAreHere · 05/04/2017 21:23

Is he on the senior management team at his current school?

Does he do extra like serve on the Board of Governors at his current school as a staff member?

Has he done the qualification?

It is a huge job with a huge responsibility, it is time sucking and can be soul draining from what I've seen. If he's not ready and hasn't smt experience, he shouldn't be applying.

sonjadog · 05/04/2017 21:25

I think you could point out that there is no point saying he´d like to apply in a year or two as it is NOW that is it being advertised. So if he would like to apply in a couple of years´ time because he thinks he really would like the job, then this is the time to do it.

Also, you could point out that applying for the job just means that you are flagging that you are interested in it. It doesn´t mean that you are going to be offered it, nor does it mean that you have to take it. But if he thinks he might be interested in it at all, it is worth making an application, because he won´t have either opportunity if he doesn´t apply.

But if he still says he doesn´t want to, then I think that it is entirely his choice.

CasperGutman · 05/04/2017 21:26

It doesn't sound like he's ready. And if he's sensible he may never be. The job of a head is completely different from that of a teacher. It's incredibly intense and stressful at the best of times. A close friend has been a head for three years, and is already wondering how much longer she can stick it.

Even with a very thick skin, a person who values their sanity should only get into Headship with a firm idea of what their next move would be - whether that be local government, management in an academy chain, (early) retirement, or whatever. And they should expect to take that next move within ten years tops.

lougle · 05/04/2017 21:27

Smile My DD2 suggested I should be a Head Teacher last week. I'm not even a teacher. I am a Governor, though. You can't just 'be' a Head Teacher. You have to be experienced in leadership. You don't give the impression that your DH is in a leadership role?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 05/04/2017 21:27

Are you a teacher yourself, OP?

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 05/04/2017 21:29

I simply do not know where to start!

You obviously need educating in the sequential steps of becoming a head teacher.

'One' does not become a headteacher simply because an opening has arised near to where 'one' lives.

There comes a period of which a 'candidate' has to have several years teaching experience.

Then comes a period of when a 'candidate' has to have several years of senior leadership experience; firstly middle managers such as HoD, KS leaders and secondly assistant head or deputy head.

When a 'candidate' has gained a good number of experiences leading a school when the HT is off premises, then said 'candidate' is often deemed ready to apply for headships.

I suggest you take more of a close interest in your DH's job, and that of his own HT, to understand the constraints, commitment, experience and sheer damned hard work (not forgetting it IS NOT family friendly) that is required from a HT.

Then maybe you can see that you are being VU for even having a moan about your DH not wanting to commit to such a demanding job when he feels it either isn't for him, or is simply not the time yet.

Why on Earth is it so important to you that he takes on the role of a HT? Believe me, it is not some sort of luxurious, gold-plated job to brag about.

There is a reason why there is a shortage of HTs nationwide. i suggest you look into it.

Original poster
Galla · 05/04/2017 21:30

I know it's not up to me. Yes, he has leadership experience and the role is a teaching head. He has about 10 years teaching experience with a few different leadership roles.

Is it really shit then? If there's a crisis getting people to do it. Maybe he realises that more than I do.
Maybe small school isn't a natural starting point for that. Totally will be leaving it too him and pushing back!

OP posts:
Waterlemon · 05/04/2017 21:32

Headteachers are business managers these days! The only contact our HT has with thevchildren is leading assembly! And that's not through choice but the reality of the job now!

A "good" teacher who enjoys their job in the classroom is not the type of person that tends to go for a HT role!

StealthPolarBear · 05/04/2017 21:33

Goodness me what's with all the 'one's and 'candidates'? Are they not really one or a candidate?

Original poster
Galla · 05/04/2017 21:33

No I'm not a teacher.
Did think about it though and still wouldn't rule it out. I work in accountancy.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 05/04/2017 21:34

Not your career. He doesn't sound like he's ready to be a head or wants this job at this time. Which is his choice. So yabu

bosch · 05/04/2017 21:35

DH and I do similar jobs, (not teaching). He's way more senior than I am. He's done (temporarily, for current employer) more senior jobs than his current position but chooses not to apply for permanent position because the stress/hours/travelling week in week out just aren't worth it. I'd love it if he had the extra salary but we don't 'need' it...

Your dh may have made a similar decision based on the workload he sees from his own job/the role of the head at his current school?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/04/2017 21:35

No I'm not a teacher.
Did think about it though and still wouldn't rule it out. I work in accountancy.

With all due respect it isn't that simple.

Does he have anyou responsibilities at the moment? Is he a HoD or on the SMT?

If he us struggling with the workload as a teacher he really really isn't ready to be a HT.

Tupperwarelid · 05/04/2017 21:36

A good teacher doesn't automatically make a good head though. There is far more to it, more management skills, diplomacy, negotiation with parents and staff(!), budget management, leadership etc etc. It's not necessarily a natural step just because you are an experienced teacher.

HotelEuphoria · 05/04/2017 21:36

Is this your dream job for him rather than his dream job for him?

purplecoathanger · 05/04/2017 21:38

It's completely up to him to decide on his career progression, not you.

Topseyt · 05/04/2017 21:39

If it is classroom teaching that he really enjoys and wants to do then he may never want to be a headteacher.

Becoming a headteacher usually takes the teacher away from the classroom. Most headteachers I have ever known (my Dad was one) don't actually teach very often. They can of course, and sometimes do, but realistically they won't have much time.

Perhaps he is trying to tell you to back off. He likes the classroom and wants to stay there might be what he is trying to get across.

Don't pressure him to apply for jobs he isn't comfortable about. He could resent you for it.

Spottytop1 · 05/04/2017 21:39

A few leadership roles.... do you mean as a deputy head or and assistant head or leadership as in maths lead or English lead?

I think it is best to back off and let him choose- tbh a teaching head does not sound like a great position for a new head- teaching responsibility and headship... no thank you!

Foldedtshirt · 05/04/2017 21:40

What is it about teaching that makes everyone think they're an expert!? 🤔

greathat · 05/04/2017 21:40

Leave him alone. I wouldn't even apply for a tlr, let alone a headship. Apparently head teachers get one of the shortest periods from retirement to death. The stress just kills em off.

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2017 21:41

What is it about teaching that makes everyone think they're an expert!?

I know. It's incredibly annoying.

SpreadYourHappiness · 05/04/2017 21:42

YABVU. Stop pressuring him. If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it, and you badgering him will just make it worse.

itsbeenaverylongweek · 05/04/2017 21:42

A small school does not make it an easier starting point, especially as you've now added the detail it would be as a teaching head. If you ever want to see your DH then this is not a good idea.

LemonRedwood · 05/04/2017 21:43

10 years teaching experience and a few different leadership roles still makes a big jump to headteacher. If he really wants to be a head in the future, keep an eye out for assistant head or deputy head roles first.

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