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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dog is not 'just a dog'?

266 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 05/04/2017 19:30

Well of course he's 'just a dog' because he's, well, a dog.

BUT he's a massive, huge part of my and DH's life and of my DC's lives. He's the first member of the household that DS (who is a different boy since we got him) talks to in the morning and last he talks to at night. He cheers me up just by looking at me and wagging his tail. DH suffers from insomnia and frequently wanders downstairs during the night and I'll find the dog cuddled up to him on the sofa (he's not allowed on the furniture btw Smile. DD sits and chats to him when she comes home from school in a bad mood for whatever reason 10 year olds get in a bad mood about. I love everything about him, we all do.

And now we find he has a huge tumour and things are looking very bleak. I can't even tell you how devastated we all are and MIL tells DS not to be silly as 'it's just a dog and you can get another one'.

I know not everyone likes pets, or dogs but he's ours and we love him. I don't suppose this is really a BU thread, I just wanted to tell someone else.

OP posts:
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13
justdontevenfuckingstart · 05/04/2017 21:13

Havana this thread is very specifically about Wilbur and their thoughts and feelings and how we can support the Op. Maybe a retraction of your post could be considered.

TheGirlWhoWasntThere · 05/04/2017 21:14

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

Of course your dog is not "just a dog". He is family and obviously incredibly important to you all.

I hope the vet can help him.

HoldBackTheRain · 05/04/2017 21:15

wilbur Flowers for you and your family. Of course he's not just a dog. Ignore her, and it it isn't good news try and not to be around her for a while because people's insensitivity around this can make you feel a million times worse.

4 weeks and 1 day ago we had our beloved cat put to sleep - he was old and had incurable cancer and had been ill for about 2 months. We always joked he was more canine than feline, he meant so much to me and my DS who has aspergers. We love our memories we have of him and still miss him dearly. Hugs to you all.

Coldilox · 05/04/2017 21:16

I've never had a dog, I adore them but our lifestyle doesn't allow one, it wouldn't be fair. We have two cats that are both utterly adored. I've always had cats and whenever one has died I've been utterly devastated. Pets are members of the family, and people who are not animal lovers will never really get that. No pet can be replaced - we got new cats a little while after our last one died because our house didn't feel like a home without one. But they are new cats to love, they absolutely do not replace those we had before. They are all individuals.

I'm sorry about your lovely dog.

Havanaclub · 05/04/2017 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vermillioncomfyshoes · 05/04/2017 21:20

To be quite realistic, a dog 'is' just a dog. But only when it's somebody else's dog.
I'm ridiculously nervous of dogs, mostly because of irresponsible owners letting them come near me and bother me when I don't want them around me. And being bitten twice, by dogs whose owners have assured me are harmless. I once agreed to visit a family member who owned an Alsatian dog, only if they kept the dog in the garden while I was there. They agreed, but when I arrived it greeted me on the doorstep, barking. I almost wet myself with fear.
Their explanation was that they thought it would help me conquer my fear to see that the dog was barky but harmless. It didn't work. I was terrified from the beginning to the end of the visit while the dog rested its head on my feet, and snapped at me when I shifted position.
Having said all that. I had my very own dog when I was 13 to 23 and she was a collie, and she was lovely, and I would talk to her late at night and she would console me when I was unhappy. She was a bit snappy when I bathed her because she didn't like it, but I believe Collies can be a bit snappy anyway. I was 'never' scared of her even when she got a bit snappy in her old age.
I cried buckets, for days, when she died. I was inconsolable.
She was definitely a major part of my formative years, and I loved that dog very much.
I think you should cut your mil some slack. She's lived more years and maybe doesn't know how to say ' you will get another dog and you will love him just as much'

It's difficult, as a granny, to say the right thing. You know so much in your head and from experience, that sometimes you might say the wrong thing. You might be trying to reassure the child that they can get another dog that they will love just as much. I can see myself saying that. Of course it isn't 'just a dog'. It's 'your' dog who you love.
But they just don't live as long as humans. So if you are going to be a lifetime dog person, you are going to have to get used to them dying.
Hence your mil's sensible advice that you need to get another one.
I can't fault your mil. She sounds like she is fumblingly trying to console in a way that I would probably do. Getting a fluffy adorable puppy will certainly take the sting out of your family's loss.

Maybe if everyone in your family is going to pieces about you losing this family pet, your mil might be really worried about how it's going to affect you all.

Mothers do worry, you know.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/04/2017 21:25

I don't think MIL should be cut any slack, any more than mine was last year when she told me I should have my cat put to sleep as I was 'cruel keeping him alive in that state'.

I don't care how old they are, if they can't say something kindly then they should keep their thoughts to themselves.

And as for 'getting used to them dying'...

HemanOrSheRa · 05/04/2017 21:28

What are you trying to say Havana?

This is a thread about a MNetter who is sad about losing a family pet. Not about losing a child.

There have been and are many, many, too many threads about MNetters losing their children. Please don't try and mix these two very different things. It's not nice Sad.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 05/04/2017 21:30

Havana you make no sense, the op is possibly losing a much loved pet. You then have a rant about getting rid of a pet because of hair. Not relevant in this case at all.
What are you on seriously?

Armadillostoes · 05/04/2017 21:30

Oh OP I am so sorry! Of course your dog is a family member with a unique personality. You can't "replace" a family member.

Havanaclub · 05/04/2017 21:31

I think you are all mad. LOL.

Dogs are lovely, but they need walkies, and they shed hairs everywhere. And they cost a fortune for the vet.

But each to their own.

I love dogs when they are not my own and they don't run at me in the park. I never know if they are benign or vicious. OWNERS get the grip..

This debate will never work out well, but it is a doggie or non doggie debate!

Sorry to hear of OP dog's issues just the same.

elQuintoConyo · 05/04/2017 21:32

Oh shit Wibur Flowers

We have had our dog 4 months and she has made such a positive impression on all of us. I had dogs growing up: dog 1 died at 3yo due to being a weakling runt of the litter and her lungs constantly filling up wuth liquid; dog 2 died at 4yo of a weird liver thing where it started eating away at itself. I was 12 and 17 when those dear doggies died and it was horrendous. I'm actually welling up now.

I love this cartoon and although i think heaven is hooey, it cheers me up.

To think that my dog is not 'just a dog'?
elQuintoConyo · 05/04/2017 21:33

Havana take your LOL and shove it up your bum!

Floggingmolly · 05/04/2017 21:36

Why have you chosen this thread of all places for your "doggie debate", Havana? You need to leave op alone now. You're being completely obnoxious Hmm

justdontevenfuckingstart · 05/04/2017 21:37

Havana I don't know if you're trolling or just bored.

My Rottie and my Broom handle attachment are my world.

We will agree to disagree.

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 05/04/2017 21:37

This debate will never work out well, but it is a doggie or non doggie debate!
This thread isn't a debate. It's about a poster who's upset about her much-loved pet being seriously ill. As such, your contributions have been entirely inappropriate and insensitive. For all your commentary about the superiority of humans over animals, you haven't demonstrated much in the way of the supposedly human quality of empathy.

MrsJayy · 05/04/2017 21:38

I am so very sorry your poor boy and your poor family of course he isn't just a dog Flowers

HemanOrSheRa · 05/04/2017 21:40

I think you are taking AIBU too literally Havana. There is no 'debate'. It is not about doggie/non doggie. It is about someone not taking into account another persons feelings.

Actually, I would say that the OP would be wise to ask this to be moved to 'Chat'.

KarmaNoMore · 05/04/2017 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plominoagain · 05/04/2017 21:42

Oh Wilbur , I'm sorry . We lost one of our beloved hounds to osteosarcoma about a year ago , and we were devastated . He was such an intuitive boy . He knew when every child was feeling ill , or miserable before we did . He'd turn himself into a six foot couch potato to curl up with our DS when he was stuck immobile in plaster . He was amazing and we miss him everyday . . He wasn't just a dog , he was a living sentient being , with whom almost every interaction ( apart from wrestling a joint of roast beef from him ) was a joy . How could we not miss him ? And I have no doubt at all that you feel the same way.

Sending you all lots of love , because I remember how shit it all was . Particularly when I was trying to be brave and comfort everyone else , when all I wanted to do was howl xx

Imamouseduh · 05/04/2017 21:44

havana I feel sorry for you that you don't seem to have the mental capacity to understand that here is not the place for your irrelevant opinions. Poor you.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 05/04/2017 21:44

Dogs are the most wonderful things in the world, OP.

I'd take one dog over 100 verbally incontinent Havanas any day.

Fingers crossed you get the best news possible in this situation and get more time with your pooch. 🤞

wannabestressfree · 05/04/2017 21:44

Havana feel free to have a differing opinion a. If it's relevant b if you can argue coherently and c if it's asked for.

None of those things apply....

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 05/04/2017 21:44

OP, I suggest you start a new thread on The Doghouse board. Posters on there were very supportive to me recently when my old dog died, and when, in a horrible coincidence, my younger dog became seriously ill the following day.

UnbornMortificado · 05/04/2017 21:44

No such thing as such a dog. I'm sorry Wilbur hopefully it's treatable Flowers