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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About giving children my surname?

36 replies

AngelZoo · 05/04/2017 18:14

So, I didn't drop my surname when I got married but hyphenated it. Dh was absolutely fine with it but requested that children have his surname when we had them. I agreed, their choice, his surname is nice and not open to teasing. Since then, we have had children (5 Shock) and we've given each child my surname as one of their middle names. This was apparently not something Dh's aunt was aware of. MIL mentioned it to her two weeks ago. Since then we've had three birthday parties and two Sunday dinners and she has mentioned it at every single gathering. I've gritted my teeth and just nodded along with her views but AIBU about giving them my surname?
Can I tell her to piss off the next time I see her and she starts banging on about it? BTW, my surname is lovely!

OP posts:
Rubyslippers7780 · 05/04/2017 18:15

It is none of her business.

HeadDreamer · 05/04/2017 18:15

Tell them to F off. It's you and your DH business only.

AyeAmarok · 05/04/2017 18:17

You know you're not being unreasonable.

How could that possibly be unreasonable?

00100001 · 05/04/2017 18:17

Ask her why she cares so much

FurryElephant · 05/04/2017 18:22

Agree that it's none of her business whatsoever. Nor would it be if they only had your surname! Go ahead and tell her to piss right off!

Teabagtits · 05/04/2017 18:45

Yanbu - I did this too.

TomaytoTomahto · 05/04/2017 18:46

YANBU.

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/04/2017 18:48

My son has my maiden name as his middle name (as my generation were all girls and assuming we all took our DH's names which we all did the name would have stopped there).

Also the name is one that can be used as a boy's first name anyway.

Scrubba · 05/04/2017 18:52

Five occasions to see family is waaay too much in the space of two weeks. Misses point
I'd talk about it loads just to piss her off more.

Glossolalia · 05/04/2017 18:54

How could this possibly be unreasonable? Confused

tarheelbaby · 05/04/2017 19:00

Where I grew up (in the southern US - no surprise, right), it is common to give children their mother's maiden name as a middle or even given name. In my husband's British family, men on his mother's side have carried a middle name since the 1700s in tribute to the lady who changed their ancestor's fortunes. I have since named his daughter directly for this well connected, heroic mother of 10.

When we were engaged, since he has a brother but my father's name will die with him, I suggested we flip for a surname. He was not keen.

Ask her middle name. Does it have any meaning beyond what her parents liked?

itsbetterthanabox · 05/04/2017 19:37

When you say mentioned it what has she actually said?

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 05/04/2017 19:39

Perfectly standard.

O/T did you not send out birth announcements - Welcoming the arrival of Mary Jayne Appleton Smythe?

Lulabell1979 · 05/04/2017 19:43

YANBU. I did the same. Some people thought it was weird and try and hyphenate my kids surname as clearly don't understand it's a middle name.

It's a middle name, she doesn't have to say it what's her issue?

Motherbear26 · 05/04/2017 19:55

I kept my name and hyphenated when I married (would have been happy to not take dh's name at all but wanted dc to have a family name). Kids are hyphenated too, oh absolutely fine with that. I don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks, and neither should you... Although dd is appalled and thinks it is deeply unfair that daddy doesn't have mummy's name tooGrin

Southeastlondonmum · 05/04/2017 19:55

I am married but have not changed my name. My children have my surname and my husband's surname. Prior to children being born, we agreed that , if at a later date, the children wanted to drop a name then girls would keep mine and boys would keep my husbands. I had two girls #win

BadToTheBone · 05/04/2017 19:58

One of my regrets is not giving my dc my surname as a middle name, I just didn't think of it at the time.

MuncheysMummy · 05/04/2017 20:03

Me and my DH both have hyphenated surnames,we changed his need by deed poll before we got married so that we'd both have both our surnames we hyphenated both our maiden names together! As both of us are the last line in our family names and mine in particular would die out if I hadn't double barrelled it onto DHs. Our DS has of course go the same hyphenated surnames so we all have the same name.i don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this,we had reasons which mattered to us.

terrylene · 05/04/2017 20:12

Totally unremarkable. FIL, b 1930s had mother's surname as a middle name. Must have happened since names began Confused

Ask her what her problem is.

Justanothernameonthepage · 05/04/2017 20:13

I kept my surname upon marriage and we gave DS my surname as a middle name. Most his family are fine with it/don't care. My FIL thinks it's a sign that I'm an evil ball busting woman who hates men and him personally. I don't really talk to my FIL past mindless pleasantries and if he kept harping on about it I don't think I'd even bother with that.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2017 20:26

I would go with a big sigh and an eye roll, "Aunty Doris are you still going on about this? DH and I chose names for our children that we were happy with. We're still happy with them. There is really nothing to discuss".

1bighappyfamily · 05/04/2017 21:03

I changed my name when I got married as I wanted our whole family to have the same name but there were aspects that still made me a bit uncomfortable so, I still use my original name at work and both of my children have my original name as a middle name. Anyone who doesn't like it can do one!

stumblymonkeyremix · 05/04/2017 21:11

Tell her it's not the 1950s anymore and she should get with the times.

When we get married in December both of us are changing our names to Mr & Ms Hersurname Hissurname.

All of our children will be DC Hersurname Hissurname.

It's not hyphenated, just both names.

kp78 · 05/04/2017 21:25

I did the same. Some people don't understand so I often get double barrelled surnames on cards etc but I don't worry about it. Think it p*ssed my OH off when I put it on our birth announcement/thank you cards because he thought we won't use their middle names but I don't care!! I'd ignore her tbh.

user1471440709 · 05/04/2017 21:57

I did not change my name when I got married. My little boy has my DH's surname as a middle name and mine as a surname. Imagine what she'd make of that!!

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