Missing boy found under bed

[LovelyBath77]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook

How bizarre! that he was;t found under the bed and that the first thing was school phoning to say he hadn't turned up! Would;t you notice if your child hadn't got up and had breakfast?

My little brother was a shit and would always do the disappearing act down town, as he loved hearing his name on the tannoy.

All you people determined to not see there that might be some neglect going on here are concentrating on the wrong things. The fact that he is self sufficient enough to get himself up, dressed and to school is not, in itself, the worrying thing. It's not even that she overslept. It's that she made the assumption he'd gone to school and she didn't bother to check.

That can only mean one of two things. It's either perfectly normal for him to get up and go to school without waking his mother, which is a red flag, or it's not, and yet she wasn't sufficiently worried by it to bother to phone the school or go there to check. Which is another red flag.

If there is nothing about either of those two scenarios that makes you a little uncomfortable given he is only nine, then I think you should take a good long look at yourself.

This is one of those stories that even now more detail is emerging, is still full of holes and things that don't quite add up to something that makes me think 'ah yes, that makes perfect sense, nothing to worry about, could have happened to anybody.'

According to the article in the Telegraph he shared a room with his older brother, who came downstairs shortly before 9 and asked his mother 'where is Josh?' She if that's true then she hadn't attempted to wake him up by this point. The assumption was made by her that he must have already gone to school. Only when the school then rang shortly after to ask where he was did they panic and call the police.

So that paints a slightly different picture to one offered by some posters of her oversleeping, waking up in a flap, rushing to his room to get him up for school and finding him gone.

Is it really judgemental to expect a 9 year old to have an adult helping them to get them ready for school, each and every day?

I do find the fact that she didn't look for him before 9 to be abjectly poor parenting.

Lots of posters on here trumpeting how totally dependent their 9 year olds are on them while making massive assumptions about this woman.

I'm judging your parenting pretty negatively right now.

Not what do you think about the fact that she didn't check with the school and just assumed he was there? Do you think that sounds 'frantic' to you? Or a little too laid back for someone who doesnt regularly 'oversleep' while their son gets himself up and ready?

And where on earth do you get the idea that Dingdog despises the poor? That's a bit of a stretch, unless you think all poor people are lazy and have dirty homes.

I've known plenty of people with dirty untidy homes and I'd say that class and income are never an automatic indicator of, nor a barrier to being lazy disorganized housekeepers. It happens across all spectrums of society.

And no-one vacuums ten times a day, what a daft comment, but every couple of weeks would be nice. That floor hasn't seen a vacuum in months, I'd say. I'm making no particular judgement on that either way, it's irrelevant as far as I am concerned. Ive had friends who were fabulous parents and bright, educated people with decent jobs and they've had dirty untidy houses when their kids were young. Not to a level that would worry SS but still pretty alarming for any neat freak. It's not how I could live but it's hardly a crime.

But why are posters not just saying that, instead of are wasting their energy on rather pointlessly trying to deny that it's filthy or coming up with daft and weird excuses for it?

But why are posters not just saying that, instead of are wasting their energy on rather pointlessly trying to deny that it's filthy or coming up with daft and weird excuses for it?

Why are you so overly invested in painting her as a bad mother? Maybe other posters are just trying to demonstrate a little emotional intelligence and empathy rather than play Miss Marple about someone we really know nothing about. Have a word with yourself.

I always wonder on threads where OP claims her home is just a bit untidy and messy and but not unclean or filthy if we all have a different definition of filthy.

Yup. I'm not judging the mum, just commenting on perception of one person's filthy over another's.

I would describe my carpet as filthy from that photo - there is a huge build up of dirt, crayons, stains around the corner - the kind where you try to teach your child to tidy up after themselves and they Hoover the middle of the carpet and push everything to the corner of nearest furniture.

And it's obvious she doesn't agree it's filthy because she's done the bed up and agreed to have a picture of it in the newspaper.

But that doesn't mean posters on this thread thinking that's filthy are wrong.

elk

Do you think it's fine for a boy of nine to get himself up and out to school as a reasonably regular thing without having any contact with his mother because she is still in bed? Yes or no? And if yes, why?

(and let's assume she isn't bed bound and hasn't come home from a very late work shift as I am sure if either were the case she'd have been keen to point that out by now.)

If it's not normal for him to get up and go to school completely unsupervised, do you think it's acceptable that no-one questioned where he was until almost 9am, in a house with at least two other adults in it? Yes or no?

If it was his brother who first questioned where he was first that means his mother never went to check on him at all before that.

Again, assuming it's not a regular thing for him to get himself up and out for school without any adult supervision, do you think it's acceptable that his mum assumed he was at school but didn't bother to check?

Yes or no? And if yes, why?

Sitting here today I cannot remember if I have had 2 or 3 cups of coffee this morning. When you do the same thing everyday it is difficult to separate the days in your mind.

If your children get up dress themselves and walk to school on their own I can easily see how you might not clearly remember if you have seen them or not on a particular day. You might remember giving them a packet of cereal but not be able to say with certainty if it was today or yesterday. With a number of children you probaby do not do a head count 20 times a day whilst at home.

I think it is one of those things that is so easy to condemn but honest people admit they make these simple errors all of the time - we just get away with it usually.

We lost my daughter one day - she must have been about 3 - we searched the house but thought she must have got out. Both of us had kept missing one gap behind a chair. We almost got to calling the police but she woke up and came out.

Why are you questonning me like I'm in custody, Frankie, are you always so bossy?

Why are you so overly invested in painting her as a bad mother? Maybe other posters are just trying to demonstrate a little emotional intelligence and empathy rather than play Miss Marple about someone we really know nothing about. Have a word with yourself.

I am responding to your rather robust questioning of me, elke

I was not aware that only one of us was allowed to do it.

I would be really interested to hear your straightforward answers to my straightforward questions though, rather than just haughty deflections.

I think if you read your last post again it was rather more strident and interrogative than mine. Some of us here are just trying to look at the facts, rather than make massive assumptions and judgements either way.

My god DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe you really do despise poor people don't you? Don't understand obsession

What a wanky and ridiculous thing to say. I'm very poor, and I love myself, I despise no-one.
I'm actually rather offended that you think being poor is an excuse for shitty parenting and low standards. Some of us manage to have standards despite having no money

If your children get up dress themselves and walk to school on their own I can easily see how you might not clearly remember if you have seen them or not on a particular day. You might remember giving them a packet of cereal but not be able to say with certainty if it was today or yesterday. With a number of children you probaby do not do a head count 20 times a day whilst at home

Unless you have a neurological condition that impairs you significantly, I think most parents can very much tell you whether they saw their young child that morning or not.
The convoluted lengths people are going to to excuse this in an attempt to appear non judgemental are rather ridiculous.

The convoluted lengths people are going to to excuse this in an attempt to appear non judgemental are rather ridiculous.

And the number of people enjoying giving themselves a wedgie with their judgey pants pulled up to their eyeballs is quite a sight.

I don't think you need to pull the judgey pants very tight at all, its not like you have to look hard for something to judge.
I always know where my 9 year old is. That's pretty basic minimal parenting, not medal territory. IF you don't, you've got a problem.

The convoluted lengths people are going to to excuse this in an attempt to appear non judgemental are rather ridiculous

Well quite.

Some of us here are just trying to look at the facts

Really? It looks to me like 'some of us here' would prefer to ignore them altogether to avoid having to draw any unpleasant or awkward conclusions.

These things happen sometimes. Maybe he went down for breakfast his mum saw him then he went and hid. Glad he's ok. He'll never live it down, it'll be in family folklore now.

You can't really do a full on textual analysis based on wording and reporting from newspapers.

It's not exactly getting actual evidence from primary sources is it?