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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing boy found under bed

148 replies

LovelyBath77 · 04/04/2017 20:09

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook

How bizarre! that he was;t found under the bed and that the first thing was school phoning to say he hadn't turned up! Would;t you notice if your child hadn't got up and had breakfast?

OP posts:
SparklyUnicornPoo · 05/04/2017 12:07

Do people really let they're 9 year olds get up and get themselves of to school all on they're own?

My nearly 9 year old would still be staring at her cornflakes by lunchtime if there was no one to nag constantly help her get ready, but yes, if there's another adult there I have left them to it. Like I said above I frequently got my younger siblings ready for school/playschool, youngest is 12 so doesn't need so much help now but when I'm visiting mum i still do her breakfast, make her lunch etc. This boy has adult siblings so might not have been all on his own.

Gottagetmoving · 05/04/2017 12:15

And the floor is filthy in the photos

So what?
There are bits on the floor near to the bed where a vacuum cleaner might miss?
It's hardly 'filthy'

FrenchLavender · 05/04/2017 12:19

Exactly Sparkly. While I'm all for encouraging independence and personal responsibility in children, any 9 year old who is getting himself up, washed, dressed and breakfasted (or not, as the case may be, for washing, teeth cleaning and breakfast) and out of the door in time for a safe arrival at school without coming into contact with an adult in the home is probably a child who is vulnerable and being neglected to some degree.

Just because it's good that he can do it, doesn't mean he should be doing it.

DixieNormas · 05/04/2017 12:20

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DixieNormas · 05/04/2017 12:26

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HateSummer · 05/04/2017 12:27

What an odd story. I have a 9 year old and she would not do this. At that age you know what is right and what's wrong. Complete waste of police time. I hope he got told off for it.

FrenchLavender · 05/04/2017 12:39

Did she phone the school to check he was there, or did they phone her to ask where he was?

Also, unless he gets himself up and out with no adult input regularly then why would her first reaction be to think he'd done that, rather than to look where he might be hiding, or for signs of kidnap or running away?

Gottagetmoving · 05/04/2017 12:41

any 9 year old who is getting himself up, washed, dressed and breakfasted (or not, as the case may be, for washing, teeth cleaning and breakfast) and out of the door in time for a safe arrival at school without coming into contact with an adult in the home is probably a child who is vulnerable and being neglected to some degree

Some may be vulnerable but certainly not all.
Not regularly, but I sometimes got myself up and ready for school at that age without coming into contact with an adult. I wasn't vulnerable or neglected. I was sensible and capable.

DixieNormas · 05/04/2017 12:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrenchLavender · 05/04/2017 13:05

No, most people's first thought for a child that age is that he was either hiding , or was elsewhere in the house or garden, or had run away.

A further possibility would then be that he had been abducted or had already got up (unusually early? Or was she very late in going to wake him? Confused ) and had gone to school completely unsupervised. But to most parents this would not be a normal assumption unless it was a normal occurrence. And if it was, then I do think there would have to be a VERY good reason for that before I would be confident that neglect and apathetic parenting were not significant factors.

If it had been any of mine who were not in their beds (or at least in the house) at 9 years old, it would have been very, very low on my possible list of things that were most likely to have happened. I think it would be for most people.

Voice0fReason · 05/04/2017 13:15

Completely agree ingazing this is a non-story

I have a 9 year old and she would not do this. At that age you know what is right and what's wrong.
I'm sure your 9 year old never does anything wrong - but normal 9 year old do make bad judgements.

He's not neglected - some people are interpreting the story in all kinds of different ways!
She overslept - that happens. When she got up to wake him, she couldn't find him. Her only idea on where he could be was he must have taken himself to school. None of that means that she doesn't normally get him up, give him breakfast and see him off to school.

Honestly, what would you do if you overslept one morning and when you got up, your child was nowhere to be seen? Surely you might just think that they had might have taken themselves off to school? You search the house and look outside, but when you can't find them, that has to be the next logical thing to consider.

She did nothing wrong.
And she might not be able to afford a new carpet. A few marks on a carpet and the bits of crap that have been dragged out from under the bed when he's climbed out, are not a sign of neglect.

FrenchLavender · 05/04/2017 13:18

Okay, Voice that puts a different slant on it, I agree. If she'd overslept she might have made the assumption he's gone by himself. But did she phone the school to check he was there or did they phone her to ask where he was?

Voice0fReason · 05/04/2017 13:21

FrenchLavender, when my kids were 9, their normal morning routine involved getting up and going to school. Now yes, I was involved in that process but if I got up and couldn't find them, after checking the house and outside, school would be my next thought. It would make complete sense that they might have taken themselves to school.

Are you saying that you would phone the police first, without checking to see if they had gone to school? I really don't understand what you think this mum has done wrong.

Voice0fReason · 05/04/2017 13:22

xpost there!

DixieNormas · 05/04/2017 13:34

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EnormousTiger · 05/04/2017 14:09

Families differ and I want to live ina UK where you can be a very fussy parent, a normal one or one whose children are more free range. I like parental choices and variety as long as it is not real neglect.

Here the boy was found and it was a very happy ending. Well done to the police in the end.

Most 9 year olds would not stay in there for 3 hours. Quite a lad he seems to be. I hope he's not in too much trouble.

FrenchLavender · 05/04/2017 14:10

Honestly French have you never woken up late hmm

Many times and then we'd have to rush and perhaps eat breakfast on the way and arrive maybe 5 or 10 minutes late. I've never overslept to the point that the kids have needed to start school and gone without me. Confused Never to the point where they could be sitting at their desk before I'd even realised, no. I find it quite odd that you think this is normal or acceptable for a 9 year old.

I honestly can't see that mine would have clattered around getting ready and then left the house without me rather than just wake me up and say 'Mum! Get up, we've overslept.' Teenagers possibly, 9 year olds? No.

I am not saying I would have phoned the police first before checking the school, but neither would I just have made the assumption he was at at school, which she did. She obviously wasn't concerned at all, so it can't have been that unusual for her to oversleep or just stay in bed while he got himself up and out. Unless there are very strong mitigating factors I am not at all comfortable with that given his age.

The first she knew he wasn't at school was when they rang her. He's only nine FFS. Do you think this is normal or acceptable? Because because I don't.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 05/04/2017 14:24

Are you saying that you would phone the police first, without checking to see if they had gone to school?

Of course I would, because my nine year old would no more get himself up, washed, dressed, fed, lunch made and walked the half hour to school without even waking me than he would build a rocket and fly to the moon.

Natsku · 05/04/2017 14:43

I can imagine situations in which a 9 year old would get themselves up, dressed, fed and off to school without parental input. For instance my OH's little sister is 9 and this year her school timetable has one day when she doesn't start until 10 - working parents will have left long before that and 9 year olds get themselves to school here so perfectly imaginable that she has a little lie in them gets herself up and off to school. (she actually doesn't because FIL spoils her and always drives her to school)

Splinters6 · 05/04/2017 14:57

I have to agree with Dingdong and French. I would be frantic and no, it would not occur to me that my 9yr old had left without me. None of mine would have done that. If I overslept and they woke before me, they'd come in and wake me. No way would any of them take themselves off.

I did that as a child and I still see it happening in many families but I always felt slightly neglected. I was always the kid without clean ironed uniform each morning. I was always the kid without a pencil and without PE kit.

AuntMatilda · 05/04/2017 15:03

If that's a filthy floor I'm never allowing anyone to see my floors!
Many kids try to skive off school for reasons none other than it's exciting or they can't be bothered. Give poor woman a break.

user838383 · 05/04/2017 15:13

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ineedamoreadultieradult · 05/04/2017 15:15

What an odd story. I have a 9 year old and she would not do this. At that age you know what is right and what's wrong. Complete waste of police time. I hope he got told off for it

What a horribly hateful comment. I hope the boy gets whatever help he needs and whoever is helping him is a lot more sympathetic towards a boy whose father has died and he believes he can see him in the river! I also hope nothing traumatic ever happens to your child and then random strangers on the internet slag off your parenting and decide your child is simply naughty with no background knowledge at all!

user838383 · 05/04/2017 15:18

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SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 05/04/2017 15:24

I was a master at hide and seek in a large, cluttered house. I did once hide in the drawer of a divan bed, and it never occured to my friends to look in there. My favourite was the airing cupboard where I'd climb up to the top shelf above eye level and pull the linens over me. A determined child can hide in ways that seem very likely to adults.

The problem with this situation is that the police should be able to find people in unusual places as it may very well not be a simple benign outcome like this in another case.