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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think headmistress is living in la la land?

442 replies

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 17:39

Get out of a 30 min meeting at work 5missed calls on mobile and my secretary comes rushing over at same time land line calls. Headmistress from ds school. DS has run into post and banged his nose. Can I get there immediately. Apparently DS is fine but we have to pick him up. Explain I will be about 45 min as need to pack up and get train and walk to school. DH about an hour away. Quizzed about couldn't a grandparent pick up
DS (no the nearest is 2 hours away). Didn't we have friends? Yes but it's not 1955 so they all work? Other relatives? No they live miles away and yes they work. Set off to school. Head mistress rings DH goes through same questions. As no one has moved house in last 5min gets same answer. Get to school. DS sat chatting to school secretary happy as you like. Head mistress goes through same questions nope still no one hAs moved or given up job in last 45 min. But there must be someone says the head. Well no actually there isn't. But she wants someone who can be at school in 5 min. Start to get pissed off. No one I tell her. She then shakes her head and says I guess that's how it is these days then. Aibu to be pissed off and felt judged about the fact I have moved away from the family home, got a job and don't just drop off child and sit at home all day? If it had been urgent I would have jumped in a taxi

OP posts:
Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 19:37

And yes if was a head injury I would have expected my DS to be in the hospital only 5 min from my work. I would prob have arrived before him!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 04/04/2017 19:37

As a teacher lm shocked at some of the responses here and the very flippant attitude to school. Imagine if your dc throws his guts up in school and your are contacted. But you cant make it for an hour and think you shouldnt be disturbed. Well is the teacher supposed to cope with maybe three more episodes and possibly worse before you arrive. Parents must put some plan in place. Not for the out and out emergency as obviously ambulance etc will be called but for the lesser but very upsetting one. Also the teachers have a responsibility to inform parents and if it went to court it would be first question asked. Taking such a horrible attitude to a school expecting a parent to have some plan in place is shocking.
As for the remark made by someone about sahm being busy making bunting..thats a disgrace.

EduCated · 04/04/2017 19:38

Bear in mind also that many people don't get an awful lot of choice over which school they are allocated. You could easily have a DC at a school 2-3 miles in one direction, and work several miles in the opposite direction.

Add in varying types of commute, traffic etc and it really doesn't take much to be an hour or so away.

KickAssAngel · 04/04/2017 19:39

I teach DD in the same school. Sometimes I'm in the same room as her. I still expect her to go to the office, try a drink/sit down/ice/whatever and wait half an hour to see if she feels better before I'd even think about taking her home. She's 13 now but this has been the situation since she was 8. It's also school policy to try and get kids to 'have a little rest' to see if they feel better before going home. Often parents are called, just to inform them, but they aren't expected to turn up asap for really minor things.

Obviously, a major problem is dealt with very differently.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 04/04/2017 19:41

Does she wear a lot of crinoline and use smelling salts OP?

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 04/04/2017 19:41

I had this at DS primary school after school club. They introduced a new policy that in the event of snow someone would need to be able to pick up the child within 15 mins of a phone call. I explained that I worked in London as did my ex, dc dad, who was not cooperative anyway. We had elderly parents who would not be coming out in the snow, so schools reply was would I ask local parents, that is people who have young children to come out in the snow. Just no. They were about to refuse to let DS remain in the after school club when he moved schools. It was bonkers. I have every sympathy that their staff need to get home safely but I cannot in the south east work miracles.

Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 19:46

June. Who would you suggest I use as my local emergency contact? No relatives nearby! All friends work. Neighbours who don't work elderly and infirm or twats I wouldn't ask to look after a goldfish! So come on then what is your marvellous solution???? We are all absolutely falling over ourselves to hear your amazing solution to childcare issues! I can remember as a kid throwing up in class , the teacher throwing sawdust in it then the caretaker cleaned it up. Contact was made with my mum at home time when she picked me up. Glad to say teacher, my mum and I survived.

OP posts:
parentaladvice · 04/04/2017 19:47

Today 18:48 SunnyLikeThursday

I feel sorry for kids these days who have no one who can get there. I love being there for my ds

No need to feel sorry for my DSs so keep your condescending piss poor comments to yourself!

We are THERE for our children, 24/7! the same way we are working to put food on the table and a roof over their heads, we do this by working, we are not fortunate enough to have jobs within our home town, and also not fortunate enough to have someone pick them up at a drop of a hat within 10 mins of a phone call.

Even if we did have family nearby they are not medically trained to deal with Ds2, so if it takes us up to a hour to attend then so be it.

If they needed more urgent care then they are more than capable of assessing the illness or injury and taking the reasonable steps to get the medical help required.

School are responsible for there wellbeing until we can attend in a reasonable time frame.

contrary13 · 04/04/2017 19:47

Atia, you'd think so , but not necessrily. I once had a call from my DD's school in which they told me that they thought she was having a heart attack. I asked (actually, it's possible that I screamed) if they'd called an ambulance... to be told that no, their insurance didn't cover it. I ended up fetching her and taking her to A&E myself.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 04/04/2017 19:48

I'm with you OP. I work 70 miles away from school, no family near, no close friends who could stand in for me who don't work, childminder can't because she has pre-schoolers during school hours. I've been called several times by school and grilled over my plans to get back to school asap. It takes me about 2 hours and involves tube, train and car. Luckily there has never been an actual emergency but it would still take 2 hours regardless. It's something you accept when you return to work after maternity leave, the situation was exactly the same when DS was at nursery. The one time my DS broke his collarbone playing football I was not called and arrived at after school club to find him white and not far off fainting. No-one had noticed - it was obvious- I knew there was a problem the second I spotted him - but there you are, I have been called for stomach aches that have disappeared by the time I get there, temperatures that don't exist as far as I can measure and various bumps. TBH I am not much impressed with the school on this matter, as you can probably tell!

Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 19:50

Can you picture someone like the surgeon operating your child being forced to rush to school with a 10 minutes warning? And do what? Leave his patient open on the table?

What about your train driver? Abandoning the train to jump in a taxi? (they might do just that to be fair)

What about a teacher in another school? Dump the class to rush because their kid is feeling unwell?

Does it mean all SAH parents are forbidden to accompany a class going further than a mile away?

This is utterly ridiculous. If there is a medical emergency, call for medical help. Otherwise, children wait. We survived when I was little, no one was shocked or outraged.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 04/04/2017 19:51

Contrary that's shocking! When I collapsed at secondary in the 80's my lovely teacher drove me to A&E and stayed til my mum could get there, she had to get a taxi.

brasty · 04/04/2017 19:51

That is shocking. If they thought she was having a heart attack, you call an ambulance. If she had been, every minute counts.

Megatherium · 04/04/2017 19:52

If I was working and got a call from school telling me that my child had had an accident and needed picking up, I wouldn't have faffed about with walking and waiting for trains. I'd have been on my way in a taxi within seconds. My only concern would have been for my child and not the fact that the head had the gall to call me 5 times during a business meeting. The school did exactly the right thing. He had a head injury ffs

Seriously, notangelina, if you were working and expected people to call you out of a meeting and then to rush home at no notice for a child with a cut on his nose, you wouldn't be working for very much longer. And a cut on the nose is hardly a life-threatening head injury, is it?

parentaladvice · 04/04/2017 19:52

Didn't you know Max the fairy godmother obviously Hmm

We also have no one , dh parents moved abroad, his sister works and also has 3 kids of her own one of which is high needs and adorable but extreamly hard work.

My family are 350 miles away and all our friends work.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2017 19:53

And yet im always seeing threads on here about schools asking for money all the time for this or that.

Where do ppl like this headmistress think that money is going to come from if parents arent working.

contrary13 · 04/04/2017 19:53

Sorry, that sent before I'd finished.

I had absolutely no objection to being the one to take her. But a year later when a child dropped dead during the same PE lesson... and their response was akin to that which they'd displayed with my daughter?

More than a bit worrying.

My son's school, on the other hand, had a sharp lesson in the premise that not every mother sits at home waiting for her spouse and/or children to come home when they called me over something completly inconsequential (I think my son had grazed his elbow or his knee) and ended up talking to my secretary...

hiccupgirl · 04/04/2017 19:53

I've had this with DS when he was sick at school. I was 45 mins away at work and DH was 60 mins away in the other direction, also at work. DS had to sit in the office and wait as we have no family nearby and I'm not asking an elderly neighbour to fetch him when he's ill.

When I had measles as an 8 yr old in 1980, my DM (teacher) was at work 20 miles away. I remember sitting in the school office all morning, waiting to be collected because she couldn't get away until lunchtime. It was just how it was and I survived.

MrsTeller · 04/04/2017 19:56

SunnyLikeThursday You sit at home all day listening for the phone and being smug presumably.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 04/04/2017 19:57

As a teacher l'm shocked at some of the responses here and the very flippant attitude to school.
As a parent I am often shocked by the contempt teachers seems to hold parents in. And, as someone upthread said-sawdust, caretaker, sickbay. Its not rocket science. I was once called into school after a nasty accident. I ran out of work immediately. Still took me 45 mins. School, and poor ds, were forced to wait. Sadly the DWP takes a dim view of single parents saying "Oh no I can't take that job, I need to be within 10 minutes of school in case my child vomits." Hmm
Also shocked that the a PP's school rang her friend before her husband because they didn't want to disturb him!!

DontCallMeBaby · 04/04/2017 19:59

"kids these days"??!!

When I was 9 and under, if the school had phoned my mum to come and get me I reckon by the time she'd packed up my baby brother, locked up the house, and walked to school I reckon it would have taken half an hour. Call it 20 minutes once DB was at school too. That's IF she was at home, if she was out shopping, visiting a neighbour, etc, no chance. Then she started working again and it would have been more than half an hour - her school office would have had to go and get her out of the classrooom, for starters. Five minutes? Never.

I could have managed 5 minutes when DD was at primary, on the rare occasions I was at home while she was at school. Shoes on, lock up the house, walk to school - five minutes. Only the only time that happened I was on the landline to DH, they didn't have my mobile, and it was ten minutes before they could even speak to me.

Other than that? It takes me 5 minutes just to get to my car at work ...

contrary13 · 04/04/2017 19:59

Milk, Brasty - I know. That was my opinon, too. But - as I said above - apparently the school's insurance didn't cover it. And I swear, I think I broke every speed limit going to get her to A&E, whilst thinking to myself "why am I not following the ambulance she should be in?!"

Fortunately, she was fine regards the heart (although it led to months worth of tests). However, a year later, during the same PE lesson (as in content), another pupil dropped dead from a heart related issue Sad

HelenaDove · 04/04/2017 20:00

YY Whenever The erosion of workers rights also mean that parents are going to be more fearful of taking time off work.

DontCallMeBaby · 04/04/2017 20:01

How can insurance not cover calling a bloody ambulance?!

HelenaDove · 04/04/2017 20:01

"Also shocked that the a PP's school rang her friend before her husband because they didn't want to disturb him"

Schools really need to get a grip about these sexist attitudes.