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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think headmistress is living in la la land?

442 replies

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 17:39

Get out of a 30 min meeting at work 5missed calls on mobile and my secretary comes rushing over at same time land line calls. Headmistress from ds school. DS has run into post and banged his nose. Can I get there immediately. Apparently DS is fine but we have to pick him up. Explain I will be about 45 min as need to pack up and get train and walk to school. DH about an hour away. Quizzed about couldn't a grandparent pick up
DS (no the nearest is 2 hours away). Didn't we have friends? Yes but it's not 1955 so they all work? Other relatives? No they live miles away and yes they work. Set off to school. Head mistress rings DH goes through same questions. As no one has moved house in last 5min gets same answer. Get to school. DS sat chatting to school secretary happy as you like. Head mistress goes through same questions nope still no one hAs moved or given up job in last 45 min. But there must be someone says the head. Well no actually there isn't. But she wants someone who can be at school in 5 min. Start to get pissed off. No one I tell her. She then shakes her head and says I guess that's how it is these days then. Aibu to be pissed off and felt judged about the fact I have moved away from the family home, got a job and don't just drop off child and sit at home all day? If it had been urgent I would have jumped in a taxi

OP posts:
SparklyUnicornPoo · 04/04/2017 18:10

She's being an idiot. DD was sent home last week, I said I'd be about 40-45 minutes, teacher said 'OK, I'll let DD know' and that was it, no is there no one else or can you get here quicker.

The school must realise that you can't magically transport there!

Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 18:10

ToothAbcessSucks cos obviously the uncle would be working to bring home food for his family whilst the auntie would be in the home she had lived in since the day they were married spending her days looking after all the children and older family members who lived just down the road because no member of the family had moved from the road in the past 10 generations!

OP posts:
Lowdoorinthewal1 · 04/04/2017 18:12

A little considered advantage of boarding schools- DC can go to the sick bay.

However, I do get sideways looks from the office staff at my school when they take a message from DC's school that goes 'Please could you inform Mrs Lowdoor that her son is having a lie down with Matron'. Grin

ParadiseCity · 04/04/2017 18:13

OK if you must insist on being a career gal don't you think you should put that pin money towards a private jet dear?

Glitteryfrog · 04/04/2017 18:14

you need to think of a contingency plan in case of a real emergency

Hahaha
I broke my arm before mobile phones. I went to A&E (with a member of staff) and had to wait for them to get home, pick up a note and get to me.
This took about five hours.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 04/04/2017 18:14

School rang me once - a vandal had thrown a brick through a school door and split ds head open - took me about 15 mins to get there. . Ds standing in the school foyer waiting with blood streaming down his face. . I asked why had nobody put a dressing or similar on - oh well we knew you were on in the way!! I hasn't said how long and 15 mins was a lot of dripping! Half expected to be asked or mop up his mess!! Hospital stapled it without any meds first and I passed out!!

terrylene · 04/04/2017 18:15

In 197something, my brother was hit over the head (accidentally) by a flying cricket bat. My mother was at home, but there was no telephone and it was a 20 minute brisk walk away. So they called an ambulance, which took him away (alone), he was stitched up and was home when I got home - no idea how it all happened.

I remember being sent home after throwing up all over the floor, with two girls who went home for dinner - they had to walk a bit out of their way to deliver me. Bless them.

Very ingenious (but sometimes not a good idea).

onceandneveragain · 04/04/2017 18:17

I think she was being VU to be arsey with you, and also to ring DH once she'd already spoken to you!

It's hard though - while it's ridiculous to think that all parents should be able to get to the school within 5 mins like it's 1955 is very outdated, a child having an accident and first of all the school not being able to contact anyone to inform them of it, and then nobody being able to come and collect him within up to an hour and 15 mins could be both distressing for the child (I know he was fine in this case, but he could easily not have been) and inconvenient for the school. They could have multiple children, all of whose parents can't get to them within the next 75 mins, all upset/being sick/having pooed themselves/whatever parents get called for, all sitting around waiting for hours - it's not ideal.

You say that if it was an emergency you would have got a taxi - but if you didn't answer your phone and your secretary only told you the school had called when you finished your meeting, you wouldn't know there was an emergency for however long your meeting lasts. Could you tel her to interrupt you immediately next time, assuming the school will only call if it is fairly urgent?

This is assuming they also tried to contact DH as often but couldn't get hold of him - if they didn't bother and only rang you because you're the woman and therefore assumed you'd be able to leave your job easier then I'd be very annoyed!

Headofthehive55 · 04/04/2017 18:17

I had the same conversation last year (is it a script they follow or are we using the same school?).
I wondered what they used to do when people didn't have phones. Did children not get so Ill?

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 04/04/2017 18:17

My daughter managed to have a fall at lunchtime and get a scrape from forehead to chin on the one day I happened to be visiting my oldest friend who lives a 45 minute train journey from the school (with two trains an hour) as I had missed the next train (by the time I got to the station) I ended up getting there only 20 minutes before normal pick up time anyway! Felt awful but couldn't be helped! OPs Headteacher was def BU!

Headofthehive55 · 04/04/2017 18:21

A plan in a real emergency is an ambulance not the mum.
If an ambulance is not needed then waiting is fine.

Headofthehive55 · 04/04/2017 18:21

A plan in a real emergency is an ambulance not the mum.
If an ambulance is not needed then waiting is fine.

VintagePerfumista · 04/04/2017 18:23

I suppose this thread acts as a nice balance to all the equally batshit parents (as opposed to the HT) who go cosmic because they weren't telephoned immediately when Junior got bellyache.

As others have said, it's a covering-their-arses thing innit? Kiddo runs into a wall, someone has to sit with him, make sure he doesn't go all concussed and doolally, take him to the hospital (at which point other batshit MNers would all shriek about safeguarding) and if they don't do all that, then they worry that Mammy is going to file a lawsuit.

They're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

I am a bit surprised there is no contingency for such things though. I live in a completely different town from dp's rellies, and a different country from my own and have had to make arrangements as to who can pick her up if she's sick.

redshoeblueshoe · 04/04/2017 18:23

If it was a teacher whose child had had the accident in a different school would she have been eager to let them go ? I assume teachers are not allowed to have their phones on.
They are lots of jobs were you can't just walk out, and if it is serious I would expect the school to get them to hospital.
Also in 1955 barely any homes had landlines.

reallybadidea · 04/04/2017 18:25

School phoned my emergency contact (friend) once because they couldn't get hold of me (with patients). When my friend queried whether they'd tried my dh they said they didn't like to disturb him at work Shock Grin Truly some school staff are living in the 1950s

Original poster
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/04/2017 18:25

Only rang DH when I couldn't magic up a closer contact. Unfortunately anyone might be uncontactable for 30 min, e.g. In supermarket where no phone reception, at the dentist etc!

OP posts:
user1491326393 · 04/04/2017 18:26

well if it was a real emergency the school should know what to do. They have had rapid response, and ambulances at my dc's school a couple of times. One for a head injury and one for asthma attack I think. You would be called to meet at the hospital in such a case.

The HT was being ridiculous and probably worried about a member of staff having to keep an eye on him in the office/sick room and wanted him out the building asap which is bloody daft!
Bring back the school nurse I say!!

Also I love how people assume that kids have these "kindly aunts" or "retired grandparents" ... my kids' aunts and uncles work full time in professional roles and are in their 20's and 30's, one of them is a student away at Uni, the other is late teens and off travelling! "Ring old Auntie Margaret"??? My kids would say "My Auntie is in Thailand and the other is probably hungover in bed in her halls!" Also, grandparents are no where near retirement age, my own grandparents have only been retired 8 years!

EweAreHere · 04/04/2017 18:28

OP's school sounds ridiculous. Ignore them.

Our school is not this silly. They children will just sit/lie down in the first aid room until someone can get there. If it was a true emergency (life and death), they would be taken to hospital, just like in any other school.

ChocChocPorridge · 04/04/2017 18:28

To be fair it seems like the HT was a little heavy handed on this occasion but you need to think of a contingency plan in case of a real emergency. 45 mins (after however many minutes trying to get through) could be too long in a life or death situation.

When I was at school I was a 20 minute walk, and 12 minute train ride, then another 30 minute walk away, and those trains only came once an hour (if you were lucky). There was a bus through the village twice a day, and I don't think I ever saw a taxi - I presume it might have been possible to get one, but it would have had to come from the nearest town too. There's no way my mum could have got to the school inside an hour, and it would more likely be 2.

In fact, Dad, who commuted to London could probably have got to me faster.

It's only now that so many people have cars, that public transport is so good, that this is even slightly possible, and certainly can't be expected.

Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 18:31

Absolutely ridiculous.

Let's say we are all SAHP (which clearly the headmistress is not herself...), are we all supposed to stay within 5 minutes walk for the school during school hours? How many SAHP stay put all day long?

We are lucky Ambulances and A&E exist just for these situations. In a real medical emergency, I'd rather the paramedics on site than me, they'll be a lot more help to the child who needs assistance.

SparklyLeprechaun · 04/04/2017 18:35

Your headmistress is out of touch with reality and unfortunately posts like Looneytune's show that some people really don't get it. I'm very thankful for the down to earth headmistress at my kids' school but the kids' holiday club wouldn't let them enroll unless I could magic 2 extra emergency contacts who could pick up at any time.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 04/04/2017 18:37

I assume teachers are not allowed to have their phones on.

I don't know about other schools but I'm not even allowed mine in the classroom with me, it's in a locker in the staff room. If there's an emergency my DC's schools have to call my school office or wait for me to check my phone in break/lunch.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 04/04/2017 18:38

I'm a SAHP and I still have a 19 mile drive to the DC's school. Not having Wonder Woman's invisible jet parked in the backyard it will take me around 35 minutes to get there in an emergency. This does not phase the school on the odd occasion when I've had to collect a sick child because they understand how the space time continuum works.

The school district copes with this by having parents sign a form agreeing that school staff can make emergency medical treatment decisions on behalf of the child. They also have our health insurance details and which hospital in town we prefer the children to go to.

I am surprised schools in the UK don't have something similar. Surely you need that for field trips or multi-day study trips on the other side of the country?

listsandbudgets · 04/04/2017 18:39

God sounds awful.

This is one of the many reasons I love DD's school. Its private to be fair but they have a great attitude over this sort of thing. When DD was in year 1 I got a call from school nurse

"lstsjunior has been very sick. Could you come and get her please?"

"yes but I'm about 40 minutes away though I'll be with you as quickly as possible"

"don't rush, she'll be ok we just can't have her in class. I've tucked her up in the bed in my room, given her some calpol for tummy pain and she's sucking on an ice lolly as I'm a bit concerned she's not keeping fluids down see you in a bit and please don't worry we'll look after her"

YANBU OP. Schools are in loco parentis and should act in that way until parents can take over again

allegretto · 04/04/2017 18:41

I was called last week for ds who had fainted. It took me half an hour to get there ( not bad I thought) but they had already called an ambulance!