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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find DH and his best buy relationship OTT?

30 replies

Skipperoo1 · 04/04/2017 15:54

We have 2 children, 5 months and 22 months. DH works with this bloke so spends all day with him, and travels to and from work with him, and when he gets home will often park down the road so I don't know he's home and sit and chat with this friend before coming in, sometimes for up to an hour! They also text each other over the weekend when they're not together.

DH doesn't like to speak to me on the phone in front of his friend and often doesn't have time to text during the day but they have time to go to lunch together! It reminds me of the kind of intense friendship you have when you're a kid.

Is it me or is this a bit OTT and Brokeback Mountain?

OP posts:
PlayOnWurtz · 04/04/2017 15:54

They're in a relationship

ThePiglet59 · 04/04/2017 15:57

Sounds like a relationship to me too.
Sorry.

MagnumAddict · 04/04/2017 16:00

It does seem a bit intense. Maybe he's never had a best friend/brother before?

Might be serving as a bit of an escape from a full on household with two young kids- not saying that's right by the way!

What are the friends circumstances? Is he single/ a dad too?

I wouldn't have thought there was anything more going on unless he has ever done anything to give you cause to suspect him?

HermioneJeanGranger · 04/04/2017 16:00

Are you sure he's not having an affair with this man?

ThePiglet59 · 04/04/2017 16:01

Mind you. 22 months and five months.
He may just want to speak to somebody who isn't pregnant!

Msqueen33 · 04/04/2017 16:02

It's unusual. That said my dh is chatty and could easily have lunch with someone and have a chat in the car with him. He's not got a best mate but if he did I'm sure it wouldn't be unlike this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2017 16:02

I wouldn't leap to 'relationship' and the fact that you do makes me think that you have had doubts.

IloveBanff · 04/04/2017 16:03

Whose car are they travelling in? If it's your husband's how does the other bloke get home? Wouldn't he drop him off first? If they're spending all day every day together, it's a bit OTT that they have to talk for an hour after getting homework too. Also I don't get your title unless it was meant to be 'best buddy'.

IloveBanff · 04/04/2017 16:04

Home not homework ^^

floraeasy · 04/04/2017 16:04

Seems pretty intense, but maybe his friend just "gets" him and is great company. Do they have interests in common?

That's not to say that you should be okay with this and the time it's taking from his main relationship and responsibilities.

228agreenend · 04/04/2017 16:14

Parking down the road and chatting for an hour is a bit strange.

gingina · 04/04/2017 16:19

Have you met this friend?

WipsGlitter · 04/04/2017 17:38

Sounds like he is avoiding being at home.

Scarftown · 04/04/2017 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackteasplease · 04/04/2017 19:03

I agree. Avoiding being at home with small children.

Longdistance · 04/04/2017 19:03

Are you sure it's a bloke?

Have you met him?

MagnumAddict · 04/04/2017 20:52

Where are you OP? Anyone would think looking after your two small children is more important than answering our questions Wink

donquixotedelamancha · 04/04/2017 21:54

"They're in a relationship"

Yeah, its a well known fact that men can't have close relationships unless they are having sex.

Unless 'down the road' is in a layby and they work nights I think you are fine OP, let him have a friend. Any communication issues you two have isn't because of this.

AnyFucker · 04/04/2017 21:59

Well, you are a mug aren't you no matter the nature of this "relationship"

You know his heart and mind is elsewhere and yet you continue to spectate

More fool you, and yes you are being made a fool of

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 05/04/2017 00:22

Bit intense. Have you talked to your DH about this OP? If this was my DH I would be asking him to take a step back from the friendship. If that's what it is.

MommaGee · 05/04/2017 00:26

Tbh I wouldn't be impressed if DH was an hour late home every night when there's two kids waiting to see him and I've been with them all day. Even apart from the nature of their relationship I'd be wanting to know why he doesn't want to be home

Endlessmusings · 05/04/2017 00:28

Wow AnyFucker who pissed in your cornflakes.

You can give constructive advice without telling the OP she's a mug.

juicygirly · 05/04/2017 00:37

anyfucker has form for giving the bitchiest of replies when they're least needed Hmm

Op, i mean I'm female but I can talk/text to my friends on the phone loads, all day every day. I'm definitely not in a relationship with any of them! Dh does get abit peeved off that I'm on my phone so much but he can shove off because I don't care frankly GrinWink

Wineandrosesagain · 05/04/2017 06:14

I agree with AnyFucker - why would you tolerate this? Even if it is just a friendship, it's an oddly intense one and who sits in a car with a work colleague down the road for an hour rather than getting himself home to the family? Have you challenged him about it?

PollytheDolly · 05/04/2017 06:20

Hmmm I'd be suspicious. Notwithstanding the huge avoidance aspect he's too secretive about it.

Any update OP?