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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I can't sleep" AIBU to not give a shit?

58 replies

FatOldBag · 03/04/2017 03:32

Or am I actually the sodding night time entertainer? 7yo dd wakes dh or me up in the middle of the fucking night, pretty often, just to say "I can't sleep" - translation: I'm bored. I tell her to go to bed and stay there, dh will take her back to bed (she knows where the fuck it is)! I'm heavily pregnant with dc3, I don't want to be woken up at night because someone is fucking bored. She's gone straight to bloody sleep and I'm still awake an hour later because I'm so uncomfortable it's hard to fall asleep now. Sometimes if dh doesn't tuck her back in, she'll cry, and she'll get louder and louder and louder until dh goes in to settle her - it's like a big tantrum. I'm fucked off with it. AIBU?

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 03/04/2017 03:48

No. Utterly ridiculous for a 7yo to be doing that. Id tell her there will be consequences if she wakes you up at night without a good reason (basically illness). Work out what the consequences are, tell her tomorrow daytime and then follow through if she starts this nonsense tomorrow night.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 03/04/2017 04:58

No YANBU. What's her behaviour like in the daytime OP?

LindyHemming · 03/04/2017 05:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FatOldBag · 03/04/2017 05:43

She's a really good girl normally. Very sensitive though. Yes it must have been going on for quite a few months at least. Ds (4) has been poorly on and off so has been sneaking into our bed at night too, so maybe that's triggered it. Not proper poorly either, just colds, coughs and fevery. He's fine now though, and yet, he's just got into our bloody bed! They both need a grip, or I do.

OP posts:
Expatosaurus · 03/04/2017 06:09

Why is she waking though? Is there something waking her? Does she have bad dreams? I sometimes do, but I don't remember them so wake in the night with a vague unsettled feeling and can't go back to sleep.

What is she allowed to do when she wakes? Can you agree that she's allowed to put a nightlight or some music on quietly?

picklemepopcorn · 03/04/2017 06:50

Tell them you love them very much but they are too old now, don't mention baby. Give them some strategies for managing being awake at night. Give them a reward for being in own bed every night for a week- choosing the takeaway, or going to cinema. Keep doing it until habit is secure.

skerrywind · 03/04/2017 06:55

YABU.

witsender · 03/04/2017 07:07

I dunno, 7 isn't very big...If it is every night then she needs some help getting through the bit in the night when you wake and have had enough sleep that you struggle to get back to sleep again.

If it not every night then I wouldn't come down too harshly. My nigh on 7 year old comes in to bed with us a couple of times a week as she just wants to be near someone.

WellErrr · 03/04/2017 07:12

After my 4 year old went through a stage of getting up every night I started the following.
He takes a book and one small toy (car or something) to bed. If he wakes up, he can play with them in the dark.

If he wakes up and wakes ME up for silly reasons (bored/need a wee) then I will go in, but I'll take the toy and book away with me.

Seems to work.

I'm a believer that it's ok to punish night time dicking about in children old enough to understand.

WellErrr · 03/04/2017 07:15

Although obviously, before anyone goes nuts, I will happily sit up for hours on end with an ill/scared whatever child. I just don't indulge general night time fuckery.

Passthecake30 · 03/04/2017 07:19

I tell mine (7&8) that I will wake them the next time "I can't sleep".

Running in when they are fast asleep at 7am,!ripping open the curtains, dragging the duvet on them and shaking them and yelling "I can't sleep!!!!" In a childish tone has helped enoumously Grin. Thou they know if they are ill/nightmare etc it's ok.

IDefinitelyWould · 03/04/2017 07:20

My 4yo started generalised nighttime fuckery I started a reward chart for her. She stays in bed all night, she gets a small sticker. If she gets 5, she chooses breakfast on Saturday, whether that's croissants, fruit salad or mcd's (chosen infrequently because we all need to get dressed and she is against that). Etc. Any sickness is ok, no star lost. I also don't take away stars for genuinely upset, bad dreams etc.

Iamastonished · 03/04/2017 07:21

Are you sure she isn't being picked on at school? It sounds like she is worried about something.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 03/04/2017 07:27

Maybe little brother coming in and getting attention while ill and new baby on the way, she is feeling a little insecure. I agree it's not on to be doing that but maybe you can reassure her she's still important during the day and that might help.

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 03/04/2017 07:30

The facte that she wakesnis not unusual -everyone wakes several times a night they reckon, and goes back to sleep, and you don't remember it. The problem is that she isn't settling herself, she's got in the habit of getting up and wanting attention. But she's big enough to understand that this isn't OK, so have a chat and see if she's anxious about anything by all means, then tell her everyone wakes sometimes, its not a problem, she needs to drift back off because she's a big girl. And make a consequence if she disturbs you without reason in future.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 03/04/2017 11:10

I agree...7 isn't very big. I have a sensitive 9 year old who is great during the day but gets clingy at night. That's when all the scary stuff comes out isn't it!

I tend to let mine in bed with me!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 03/04/2017 11:12

Cut those after school /week end activities as you are too tired from being woken up. .extra chores for dc as you are too tired to do them from being woken up etc.

YouCanStandMeUpSpartacus · 03/04/2017 11:13

Maybe teach her some relaxation techniques -- body scan etc.

thatorchidmoment · 03/04/2017 11:15

Would a night light help? Is she the sort that would respond well to a star chart with rewards? Work up to a treat for a week of undisturbed nights?

You have my sympathy OP. I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with #4 and often we end up with the toddler and the 4yo in our bed by morning. Thankfully our 8yo DD usually sleeps like a log... Sadly so does my DH so it's often me that sorts out night-time crises.

Bottlesoflove · 03/04/2017 11:18

Reward chart for staying in her room and not waking you. Carrot is better than the stick imo.

I say to my dd she can read or use her kindle if she can't sleep. But not use screens or wake the household. Novelty will soon wear off if she doesn't get the attention. You need to show a united front with your dp tho

JacquesHammer · 03/04/2017 11:28

7 is so small. Before punishing her I would get to the bottom of whether there's a reason behind the wakings - you say she's sensitive, is there an issue she's worrying about?

neonrainbow · 03/04/2017 11:58

7 isn't that small Hmm she's not a baby.

Original poster
FatOldBag · 03/04/2017 12:08

She could be worried about anything. The shit she comes out with sometimes! One time she said she couldn't sleep because she saw a picture of the Maggie Thatcher spitting image puppet in a book and it was scary. Another time she'd remembered her uncle got a funny book called "how to tell if the cat is trying to kill you" and now she was scared of our cat. Often it's been "I'm thirsty", we now take special care to make sure they drink enough before bed, but she could go to the bathroom an fill up a cup/hand and drink if she was actually thirsty tbh, it's just another thing to say. Very often she has a tummy ache or otherwise not feeling well - she's felt fine all the way up until we've said it's time to sleep. Also she gets up to have a "wee" ridiculously often, only starting from when we tell her to put her book down and go to sleep. It can be every half and hour for a few hours, and we can hear as the loo is next t us that most of the time she's not peeing, she just likes to keep getting up.

She loves reading in bed. She would stay awake all night and read if we let her, but she needs her sleep. She has a nightlight so it's not fear of the dark.

OP posts:
JonesyAndTheSalad · 03/04/2017 12:19

What time is it lights out?

My older DD was like this and in the end I did "give up" a bit and let her read herself to sleep. I found she never fell asleep later than ten and she seemed fine in the morning.

She was messing around so much tryingt to avoid being alone in the dark, that she wasn't getting to sleep till gone ten every night anywau!

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 03/04/2017 12:26

She could be looking for extra attention because she is feeling left out/overlooked because of younger sibling and a new baby on the way. Try giving her one to one time during the day and see if she improves.