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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"I can't sleep" AIBU to not give a shit?

58 replies

FatOldBag · 03/04/2017 03:32

Or am I actually the sodding night time entertainer? 7yo dd wakes dh or me up in the middle of the fucking night, pretty often, just to say "I can't sleep" - translation: I'm bored. I tell her to go to bed and stay there, dh will take her back to bed (she knows where the fuck it is)! I'm heavily pregnant with dc3, I don't want to be woken up at night because someone is fucking bored. She's gone straight to bloody sleep and I'm still awake an hour later because I'm so uncomfortable it's hard to fall asleep now. Sometimes if dh doesn't tuck her back in, she'll cry, and she'll get louder and louder and louder until dh goes in to settle her - it's like a big tantrum. I'm fucked off with it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Oly5 · 03/04/2017 12:33

I was terrified of all sorts of things at that age! Be gentle.
Reward chart with promise of a new toy/book if she doesn't wake you up sounds good. Does she have a nightlight? Maybe she could pop that on if she's afraid

minipie · 03/04/2017 12:34

Sounds like she wants the attention/one to one time. She'll be aware the new baby is coming and your middle one probably takes up a lot of time esp if ill. Doesn't make it acceptable but perhaps more sympathy for her than if it was just boredom.

WellErrr · 03/04/2017 12:36

If I'd have tried that shit at 7 I'd have been sent back to bed with a flea in my ear. Can't get my head around how many are suggesting reward charts. Getting up for silly reasons and waking everyone up is naughty.
I am of the view that rewards are for GOOD behaviour, not to try and bribe them to stop bad behaviour.

neonrainbow · 03/04/2017 12:47

Exactly wellerr.

thatorchidmoment · 03/04/2017 12:56

Wellerr: I suggested star charts because it helped my 4yo DS hugely with his waking and coming into our bed. It's slightly different to a 7yo, but I do think an incentive to stay in bed is helpful. Stopping poor behaviour is a reasonable grounds for reward imo.

What punishment would you suggest the OP try, out of interest?

paxillin · 03/04/2017 13:07

Everybody wakes up several times a night. The reason most don't know it is they go back to sleep straight away. At 7, she should be able to do this. Wake up, fair enough, wake others up unless help is needed (puked on the sheets perhaps) is not ok.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 03/04/2017 13:07

YANBU

I agree with weller that waking you and your DH up like that is naughty and DD needs to be told off rather than rewarded.

paxillin · 03/04/2017 13:09

I don't think a punishment is needed. But if a parent is too tired to go to the park in the morning, it is perfectly reasonable to point out to a 7 year old that she is at fault because of her bad behaviour the night before.

Megatherium · 03/04/2017 13:12

Tell her if she can't sleep she can read. It'll probably make her sleepy anyway, and even if she does read for a long time it's not the end of the world.

BlueChairs · 03/04/2017 13:14

Weird fact for you all : In the past is was normal to sleep for four hours and then everyone would wake up for an hour and eat something or sew or have a little get together and then they would sleep for another four hours. Because of a 4 hour R.E.M. Cycle we sometimes naturally wake up and feel wide awake so maybe she's doing that?

lalaloopyhead · 03/04/2017 13:19

I used to sleep terribly has a young child, and sometime the comfort of a parent tucking me back in helped. I had bad dreams quite alot, or would just wake randomly in the night and find it really difficult to drop back off again. I would lie there feeling more and more anxious until I would get up and say the dreaded 'I can't sleep'.

It wasn't fuckery or for lack of trying to sleep. My kids have done similar and a quick take back to bed with a kiss, or even just acknowledging that sometimes its hard to sleep is all that is needed.

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 13:24

I would say you have to have the same rules for her and for her brother --if you're letting the 4 year old get into bed you're on a hiding to nothing telling the 7 year old not to, she won't see any reason why she should be left out when her brother is in your bed...

Could she share with her brother, or would that just mean they'd be up playing?

Btw you can explain to her that you all need to sleep and that not getting enough sleep is making you grumpy in the day time - even a 4 year old can process that information.

I'd say she can read when she wakes if it's after 5am... Mabe just one page if its earlier than that.

JacquesHammer · 03/04/2017 13:26

WellErr we don't use the word "naughty" here. I don't believe the majority of children are. I think it's far more sensible to find out why and solve.

Dancergirl · 03/04/2017 13:31

Think some of these responses are a big harsh!

Some children get a bit anxious if they can't sleep especially in the middle of the night. 7 is not too old for a bit of comfort and reassurance. My TEN year old dd worries a bit like this and hates the idea of being awake if everyone else is asleep. Occasionally she wakes up about 11pm ish just as we're getting ready for bed, she might have a quick cuddle in our bed and then she goes back, it's no big deal.

Be kind. 7 is still quite little really.

TimelineOfEvents · 03/04/2017 13:35

Hmmm interesting reading.

My dd is seven and she comes into our bed every night, but she doesn't wake us. Maybe suggest that? But seven is still little. My dd won't go upstairs on her own, go to the toilet in her own, certainly wouldn't get up in the middle of the night and refill a cup for a drink - and that is with her light on all night!

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 13:37

She won't go to the toilet on her own Timeline ? Just in the middle of the night, or ever ? Do you have a scary bathroom?

DJBaggySmalls · 03/04/2017 13:38

Give her an MP3 player with some stories on it to entertain herself, and let her pick a teddy for company.

TimelineOfEvents · 03/04/2017 13:43

5moreminutes ever. We have a toilet two steps up from the ground floor but it faces the stairs, if that makes sense? But she hates the stairs. refusals to take her result in not tantrums, but her holding on... for hours! It isn't something we have ever been able to crack.she also wants to see one of us whilst in the shower,sitting on the landing or similar which is annoying as I would like to use that time to put away or fold the washing (on the same floor)

neonrainbow · 03/04/2017 13:44

If your 7 year old is afraid to go upstairs on her own you really need to get serious with building some independence!!!

kingscrossnoodle · 03/04/2017 13:47

Aww bless her. Please don't punish your 7yo for waking in the night. She hasn't got control over when she wakes up. The fact that she comes in to you isn't boredom, it's for reassurance and love. You are mum, it's totally natural at 7yo to still want comfort from your mum.

TimelineOfEvents · 03/04/2017 13:52

Neon - how exactly? We refuse, she just doesn't do it. Simple as that. We punish, she just gets upset....but still won't do it? Why exactly does she need independence at seven? My ds went through a stage of not wanting to go upstairs alone, still doesn't occasionally and yet he happily trots off to the park with his mate. The seven year old doesn't go anywhere but school without me.

My point being, OP _ask if she can come in for a cuddle without waking you?

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 13:55

Blimey Timeline - my older two wouldn't play on a different floor of the house at 7 but they'd go and get something or go to the toilet and all the kids went to the toilet at night alone from age 3, I've never been woken by a kid needing to be taken to the toilet, even though my youngest was (is) a shocking sleeper... Is it just a crazy illogical fear of the stairs which you'll just have to wait for her to grow out of do you think? Never going to the toilet alone at 7 is pretty extreme... Could you do anything to make the stairs and bathroom more friendly (pictures or something?)

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 13:59

If she's bored I think it's worth letting her read a few pages rather than encouraging her to try to get into her parents bed though Timeline given the OP is heavily pregnant and the 4 yo brother is getting in there too, otherwise they are going to need some kind of extra super quadruple king sized bed if everyone is actually going to sleep...

Cel982 · 03/04/2017 14:01

Jesus. She's only 7 and she's obviously feeling a bit insecure, I don't think she needs to be punished into submission If she's happy to read until she feels sleepy again then I would certainly let her do that, otherwise I'd let her get into the bed with you until she's feeling more settled.

thatorchidmoment · 03/04/2017 14:02

Timeline: I'm interested in this too. What happens at school when she needs the loo? I do think independence at the age of 7 should generally be greater than this, unless there is another reason for her reluctance. Is this a stage, or has she ever been happy to visit the bathroom or go up stairs on her own?

Rewards for managing to do something are generally more successful than punishments for not doing something. My children are indeed punished for bad behaviour, which I don't tolerate. But I don't think punishing a 7yo to 'encourage' independence is the answer. Showing her that it's safe to be on a different floor or to go to the bathroom alone is definitely a valuable life skill though! My 4yo will happily play upstairs on his own and go independently to the bathroom (he now insists on visiting the men's toilets on his own when we are out and about, and manages it well!).

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