AIBU to think sleeping with more people than my age is ok?

[Namechange2417]

I put a thread up on here this morning about my new partner asking about my past relationships.

Anyway tonight I told him it was 'more than my age' and he actually replied with 'wow that's a lot'

Now I'm annoyed for saying anything but is it really a lot? I thought it was quite common for people's 'number' to be more than their age? Or am I wrong?

Triflebust it's illegal under 16 - are you suggesting it's ok to break the law?

Crumbs1 I think you need to read that post again

The number really is up to each person. I fully respect people who sleep with as many people as they want as long as both parties are fully consenting adults.
Personally neither myself or my friends have slept with anywhere near the amount of people that our age is or has been (basing it on age of legal consent)

The more I think about this the more peculiar your question is. Surely you must realise that 'more than your age' is probably not that common. Bearing in mind that 16 is the age of consent, you'd have to have sex with 16 people in that year alone to start with! That's a lot for a 16 year old! or anyone really

Then factor in that there will be a peak period of casual sex before settling into a relationship for most people. By late 20s/early 30s most are in LTRs. So again it would be hard to maintain a 'more that your age' figure.

I certainly didn't know anyone at 19 that had slept with more than 19 people BTW.

But again, it doesn't really matter how many people you have slept with. Just that it's probably not that common.

I think more than MY age is a lot. I am in my early forties that would mean I would have had more than forty partners before my husband

Don't get me wrong, life is for living and I don't think anyone should have an opinion about what other people do, I only have an opinion about myself, but I very choosy about who I share my body with

However I have heard that no one ever regretted having too much sex!

I'll be sixty by the end of this year. I think I have some catching up to do.

Oh gawd, it's the excessively dull conversations like this that make me glad I don't have to spend much time in the company of teenagers any more.

Ha ha! It's so crass, it's even made the Daily Mail.

There's no right or wrong answer here, surely? Although the fact that you are asking whether that amount is normal clearly shows that you're not that comfortable with it yourself. Nothing wrong with that either FWIW.

However, given that different people attribute different value to sex it stands to reason that there will be people who wouldn't want to be in a relationship who has had dozens of previous casual sexual partners in the same way that there are people who wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a virgin.

Also, there's a difference to judging someone from afar who has had multiple sexual partners, and judging from a relationship standpoint i.e. Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who has a more casual sexual history.

Someone who views sex as part of a loving long-term relationship is unlikely to want to be with someone for whom sex is just casual, because they reach the point of wanting to sleep with someone when they know there are strong feelings on either side, whereas the casual sex person will essentially shag anyone who takes their fancy, and the long-term person doesn't want to be just "anyone" iyswim.

Similarly the casual sex person might not want a relationship with someone who has had minimal partners because they may feel under pressure to develop feelings and to give a value to sex which until now, they haven't felt.

I don't think that I would ask exact numbers but someone who had a long history of casual sex wouldn't be for me as I'm the kind of person for who sex needs to have meaning. Nothing wrong with them wanting to go off and have a lot of casual sex if that's what works for them,it just wouldn't be with me.

Well if you've slept with 7 people in each year since sex was legal I don't think that is excessive. It's probably more than most people your age though.

Ah, but by the time the OP is 30 that number will be up to 90 on average if she sleeps with 70 people in every ten year period it could be argued that by the time she reaches the age of 70 she will have slept with 390 people. .

"Can't remember where this came from but apparently this is how you should work out what is 'normal' for you: take your age (e.g. 38) minus the age you first had sex (38-17=21) minus the length in years of any relationship over 6 months (21-12-3=6) double that number (6x2=12) and that should be your number!!"

44-16-2-1-10=15x2=30 no doesn't work.

Screwinthetuna no it was HOW he asked, plus he wouldn't let it go when op initially said she didn't want to answer. He was being pushy and controlling.

Personally I find the idea you're either a 'casual sex' or 'relationship' person odd. Even my friends who's number is 1 say it wasn't ideological it was just they happened to meet their partners young. If they hadn't, their number would be higher, possibly much higher!

I was one of the last of my friends to lose my virginity, and that was in a ltr. But at various points in my life I've wanted different things - you know what that's allowed.

There's only one I regret - not a casual partner!

Apologies triflebuster I misread your post as saying fifteen or over.

I think WannaBe has articulated that extremely well.

Crumbs1: No problem!

That sounds reasonable just got to sleep with 55 people by my next birthday.

It's my birthday in 6 weeks and I'd need to sleep with another 43. Means a new man every night and 2 new ones on my birthday.

Doable, but not sure what my DH would have to say about it, lol.

OP, go for it. The more the merrier.

I am placed in the survey results but I have been with the same partner since I was 18 years old!

If I had not been in a relationship my number could have been 3 or four times that without me sleeping with excessive amounts of people Per year

My number is higher than my partners but neither of us care about the others because quite frankly our respective sexual histories are absolutely nothing to do with anyone else!

"No wonder people struggle to find happiness, are anxious and disadvantaged children. Yes, sorry but I do judge and I'm usually considered a bit soft/leftie/tolerant."

Very judgmental.

I think it's fair to let op and others know crumbs1 has strong views against casual sex for anyone.

I don't even know my 'number', let alone my husband's.

I'm in the 'sex is fun and doesn't require anything other than willing parties and nor carry any emotional meaning in itself' camp.

Don't ask if you might not like the answer. What you don't know doesn't harm you in my opinion.

I've never got the fascination with wanting to know a partners sexual history. If they're clear from STIs and really into you, that's all that matters.

I'd rather my partner had slept with 100 people, was great in bed and was totally into me than be with someone who felt intimidated by a sexually confident woman.

There is no right number, don't feel judged! Have fun & stay safe.

I lost count in my thirties when I was married, more because I forgot & didn't regard it as a big deal. I think it was in the twenties, but I had a couple of LTRs in there, which would have slowed down the average.

My ex had partners before me, so did I. We came to the relationship having confidence in what we liked, enjoying sex, and taking pleasure in sharing pleasure.

Now in my mid 40s, & have started dating again after abstaining for 5 years. Still enjoy sex & will shag someone as soon as it feels right - this is more about attraction & feeling physically safe (don't have flatmates these days to come to rescue if needed !) . I've had sex with 4 or 5 guys in the last 10 months or so (eeewww- old people sex :-)

Enjoy it while the guys are young enough to keep up with you !!

As long as you wanted to have sex with every one of them and you took steps to keep yourself safe, then there is no problem.
The information is nothing to do with new partners.

Afraid I'm been guilty of looking at the Fail to see how they reported this,

I was a bit baffled that they thought a poster telling the OP to lie was the one offering "balanced advice" (sorry to that poster but really?)

Surely "I'm not telling you" was the balanced advice? Or tell the truth if you want to?

Was obviously disappointed not to be one of the quote posters

bibbitybobbityyhat this actual tread or this topic in general?

Ha ha blackteas I was disappointed too - especially with my amazing maths formula for working out the 'correct number' - could've created a lot of fun country wide!!!

I think it is a lot and is unusual. I wonder why you posted OP? It seems you feel uncomfortable with it otherwise his comment wouldn't have hurt you.