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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think sleeping with more people than my age is ok?

127 replies

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 00:20

I put a thread up on here this morning about my new partner asking about my past relationships.

Anyway tonight I told him it was 'more than my age' and he actually replied with 'wow that's a lot'

Now I'm annoyed for saying anything but is it really a lot? I thought it was quite common for people's 'number' to be more than their age? Or am I wrong?

OP posts:

Ipigglemustdie · 03/04/2017 00:55

Feel a bit old fashioned but thats shit loads!!

DustyMaiden · 03/04/2017 00:59

That sounds reasonable just got to sleep with 55 people by my next birthday.

Original poster

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 01:02

Singlelady- thanks for the comment and for the one earlier! Yeah I feel better having got rid. And lol to your not fat off comment x

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 01:03

Viques- he isn't even in the top 20 lol x

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 01:04

KC - he knows he is gone yes and I didn't spell it out but I would hope he can work out why x

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 01:06

Ipiggle- thanks

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 03/04/2017 01:11

A person's average is 7-10 people?? Who were the survey takers actually asking? It's a rubbish idea anyway as how can they one minute ask a 25 year old woman who never been in a LTR how many men she's slept with and then ask a 50 year old woman who had been happily married for almost 30 years and think the answers can be compared?

Me and my DH know each other's numbers. When I told him mine he made a few "that's a lot" type noises despite the fact his number was considerably more than mine.

It's just standard sexism.

Don't let his outdated attitude negatively effect you OP

Graphista · 03/04/2017 01:17

Averages mean bugger all! Some of the people answering could have been 50+ and some 1. Among my friends there's both extremes!

As I said on original thread it means nothing and is none of his business glad you got rid!

TheBookIsOnTheTable · 03/04/2017 01:22

*is it really a lot? I thought it was quite common for people's 'number' to be more than their age? Or am I wrong?

With no judgement, it IS quite a lot and I would say it is uncommon.

iogo · 03/04/2017 01:28

My DH and I have been together for 16 years and don't know how many people each other have had sex with. It's just not relevant or any of each other's business.

5BlueHydrangea · 03/04/2017 01:29

I think it's a lot too. i'm in my 40's and fit in the 'average' figure quoted above. I don't think it's something to be proud of!

SpreadYourHappiness · 03/04/2017 02:35

Not at all judging you, but I do think that's a heck of a lot!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 02:49

Is always interesting that if you look at men's 'average' numbers and women's 'average' numbers; either one sex or the other is lying through their teeth. Or both.

OP in future I suggest the method I use; single figures; double figures; triple figures. Pick the one that applies.

DH and I don't know each other's numbers. We had the chat and DH didn't want to know (me or him). I do wonder if it's because he thinks his number is too low or too high. Or he thinks mine is. I was curious for a while but honestly, who cares?

ephemeralfairy · 03/04/2017 02:51

My DP has slept with 7 people, I've slept with over 50. He has no issue with it. He didn't ask, I brought it up. I wouldn't want to be with a man who judged me on my 'number'

aurynne · 03/04/2017 02:57

It is normal to keep a tally? Honestly, I never thought of writing a list and I have no idea of my number, not because there are so many, but simply because I never considered the number an issue.

kali110 · 03/04/2017 03:02

I hadn't heard it was twice your age either.
It's up to you who you sleep with!
My number is very low, and same for my friends.
I always thought 10 was the average amount too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 03:10

Averages are a bit silly anyway. Mean, median or mode? Because the people who marry their childhood sweetheart (and don't admit to any other stuff) will bring the mean down while not actually being average IYSWIM. And there are those who didn't have any LTR and had sex multiple times a year with multiple partners, bringing the mean up.

Mode would be vastly more interesting.

lizzieoak · 03/04/2017 03:13

I don't know, I'd guess it was not common based on me and friends.

What I'm wondering is: where do you find these men and where do you find the time?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 03:17

What I'm wondering is: where do you find these men and where do you find the time? One and a half men a year (assuming the OP is counting from say 16)? I could do that without trying if I felt like it. And still time for knitting. It isn't difficult to get into a new thing (plus a couple of ONS) every year...

I've been married twice so there's multiple years of only one. But if people haven't been in LTR, I don't think one and a bit a year is really shocking.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 03/04/2017 03:26

I know how many people my dh has had sex with and he knows how many I have. But that's because we were both happy to disclose that information. We've been married for over 20 years and both spent most of our early was in LTRs before we met each other. So our numbers are low. I suspect for most of my friends (in their 50s, matried for years) the figure of 7-10 is fairly accurate.

There's nothing wrong in wanting to know the approximate number of people your oh has slept with. There's a lot wrong with then judging someone on that number.

lizzieoak · 03/04/2017 05:16

But Mrs P, most people have been in ltr. So that's why it seems uncommon, but I don't mind one way or t'other. Sounds like it could be fun. I just never meet anyone who would even buy me coffee, never mind offer access to their willie.

Narnia72 · 03/04/2017 05:31

My number is high, although no idea what actual no is. I spent my twenties in a job that required lots of travel. Very difficult to hold a ltr down when you're away all the time, and lots of opportunity for ons in 4 star hotels! I had great fun. When at home I lived in a house share with other single friends and we partied pretty hard. It's not hard to rack up a fair few notches if you're not in a ltr. I met DH in my early thirties, by that time I'd changed jobs and bought a house, and life was very different. I've obviously only had sex with one man for the last 14 years. Don't regret a thing. DH doesn't care, not that we ever had a numbers conversation, but he knows how I spent my twenties. Numbers are irrelevant imo.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2017 05:52

I just never meet anyone who would even buy me coffee, never mind offer access to their willie.

catsarenice · 03/04/2017 06:03

Can't remember where this came from but apparently this is how you should work out what is 'normal' for you: take your age (e.g. 38) minus the age you first had sex (38-17=21) minus the length in years of any relationship over 6 months (21-12-3=6) double that number (6x2=12) and that should be your number!!!

GoldenWondering · 03/04/2017 06:17

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