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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sleeping with more people than my age is ok?

127 replies

Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 00:20

I put a thread up on here this morning about my new partner asking about my past relationships.

Anyway tonight I told him it was 'more than my age' and he actually replied with 'wow that's a lot'

Now I'm annoyed for saying anything but is it really a lot? I thought it was quite common for people's 'number' to be more than their age? Or am I wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 06:19

Golden - no he didn't ask I brought it up to see what he said

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 06:26

Cats - the problem with that is it includes less than 2 a year for the years you are single. Wouldn't it be better to count the LTRs then add a number for single years (and I think 2 a year is too low)

So in your example that's 2 LTR plus 6x4 (26) or 6x5 (32)

OP posts:
ImsorryTommy · 03/04/2017 06:28

If I was dating someone who made vague noises about shagging loads of people but didn't want to say how many (fine, it's private) but then bought it up again to be vague and mysterious again I'd find it really strange.

ImsorryTommy · 03/04/2017 06:29

You seem to feel uncomfortable with how many people you've shagged.

Original poster
Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 06:31

I'msorry- I'm fine with it my close friends know and I have discussed with guys in the past I just didn't like the way it was brought up on this occasion and the reaction. And yes that made me question it

OP posts:
Edballsisoneniftydancer · 03/04/2017 06:33

Cats that is literally amazing. BANG on for me Grin Grin

Namechange and I think 2 a year is too low forgive me, but you're the one sounding a teeeeeeeny bit judgemental now (said in love, I know that's not what you meant...)

Trb17 · 03/04/2017 06:34

Been married 14 years and never had the 'how many' discussion. Genuinely not interested. It's not relevant if you ask me.

MeNeedSleep · 03/04/2017 06:39

I've only had 3. But with my 2nd boyf he was pissed off that I'd even had one and used this as an excuse to cheat on me! So you can't win!

ImsorryTommy · 03/04/2017 06:39

You're 19. If he's bothered that you've shagged 20+ people and you're bothered that he's bothered iyswim then just move on.

picklemepopcorn · 03/04/2017 06:41

Find a way to tell him your standards are too high to stick with someone longer than you want to just because you've slept with them.

OnionKnight · 03/04/2017 06:41

You shouldn't have told him as it is none of his business but what's done is done.

My wife asked me once and I regret telling her as she has called me a male slut in the past, my number isn't even particularly high it just happens to be more than hers.

BreatheDeep · 03/04/2017 06:45

More than your age is a lot to me. But that's because I have a low number as I've been with one man most of my adult life.

Cats - works for me too!

Original poster
Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 06:46

Imsorry- he was, I was, I have Smile

OP posts:
ImsorryTommy · 03/04/2017 06:51
Star
Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 07:02

Well he didn't say it was a lot for "a woman", he said it was a lot, and male or female, to be honest, I'd think it a lot, especially if this was say someone in their forties who had slept with fifty odd people.

I wouldn't end s relationship because someone thought it was a lot, I'd try to explore why they thought that and see if we were still compatible. However if uou have ended if for the sole reason uou did not like the way he said wow that's a lot, then the relationship wasn't very strong in the first place.

NapQueen · 03/04/2017 07:05

Arent you 17 OP?

I think more than 17 sexual partners at the age of 17 is too high (whether you are male or female!) and would wonder if there was any self esteem issues or what not at play.

aprilanne · 03/04/2017 07:10

i have only had the one partner married young but you know what .i think the young folk nowadays can do as they bloody please and if some man does,nt like it then say goodbye. whats good for the goose as they say

Original poster
Namechange2417 · 03/04/2017 07:12

NapQueen - I'm 19

OP posts:
Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds · 03/04/2017 07:14

Being a virgin at 49 is fine. Having fucked 399 people including 7 orgies is fine.

It's your body and assuming you've been sensible about contraception/STD's and not cheated there's no reason to fel guilty.

Papafran · 03/04/2017 07:16

I think the OP is 19, not 17.

Look, OP, it's obvious that you are the one uncomfortable and paranoid about your 'number' when there is no reason to be. How about you stop worrying about how many people others have slept with and whether that's 'normal' and be confident in yourself? People can do what they want- whether that is sleeping with loads of people or sleeping with nobody. Nothing to do with anyone else. Dumb formulas on what is 'acceptable' makes me feel like we have been transported back to the 80s.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 07:17

Sorry op, I'd also think 20 plus partners at the age of 19 is a lot, irrelevant of gender.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 07:19

I'd also agree with papafran and own it, there is nothing to be ashamed about. For many people it feels like a lot, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or unacceptable in any way.

Coverup890 · 03/04/2017 07:21

I think its alot but thats because ive only been with 2 people which i think people either think im lying or weird so other end of the spectrum really. Either way its not for anyone else to judge we all have our pasts and its no ones business but ours.

MattBerrysHair · 03/04/2017 07:27

I've asked my partner because I'm terribly nosey and I told him my number also. There is no judgement on either side despite the numbers being massively different. As a few posters on here have demonstrated, people can still think less of you for having had sex. That's their issue, not yours. Don't let their archaic attitude get you down.

Frouby · 03/04/2017 07:29

I don't think it's a lot OP. Whether it's too many or not is entirely up to you.

I was single from age 19 to 27 on and off. Certainly no ltr during that time. I did the club scene and had lots of ons, lots of febs, lots of short, intense relationships. I had a lot of fun. The odd ons made me feel a bit grotty but that was usually because in the cold light of day the bloke wasn't someone I found attractive.

But I don't regret my number, whatever it is because I couldn't tell you. My dp has never asked.

It depends why you are having sex with people. If you are looking for a relationship and love and affection it's probably not the best way to find it. If you are looking for sex, physical contact and are completely happy with that then crack on.