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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to cheer me up with your emabarrasing hospital stories

106 replies

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 02/04/2017 21:01

I had a general anaesthetic for minor surgery yesterday. I was fine about it. Really calm and chilled.
The Anaesthesiologist came to talk to me. Ding dong!!! very beautiful young man! Wink lucky me.
Off I go into theatre and as I clamber up onto the bed I realised that I needed to fart. No problem, I am a pro at holding them in.
He gives me the drugs and I begin to nod off.
The last thing I remember before slipping into unconsciousness is the most enormous fart noise reverberating around the theatre. BlushBlushBlush

To add to the humiliation, for some reason I woke up sobbing. Not pretty, feminine crying. Oh no! Great, big, ugly, snot bubbled sobs.

Make me feel better please Confused

OP posts:
Funclesmuck · 03/04/2017 20:37

I'm loving all these stories. My lovely dad was an anesthetist, and during my childhood was obviously on call a few days a week and weekends. We lived close to the hospital so very often there was the phone call just before dinner. Dad would rush off, return a few hours later and mum would always ask "how is everything" he used to answer either "DONT ask" or "well that's another lovely lady who has asked to marry me" I didn't understand until I was much older that the "DONT ask" was accidents he didn't want us to know about, and the "marry mes" were epidurals!!

Aria2015 · 03/04/2017 20:38

Sort of hospital related. I went to my (male) doctor for a smear test. I took my knickers off and he took a swab and said I could dressed. I jumped off the table and sat down and talked about a couple of other issues. As I was about to leave, he politely pointed out that I had left my knickers on the table. I was wearing a dress and had forgotten to put them back on! Embarrassed, I grabbed them and instead of just popping them in my handbag for some crazy reason started I to put them on in front of him! Half way pulling them up I realised how uncomfortable the situation was and so ended up leaving them just mid thigh and shuffling out the room. BlushBlushBlush

Mulberry72 · 03/04/2017 20:41
  • Came round from GA crying hysterically for Luke (DS) I was convinced he'd died!
  • Poohed during final pushes having DS, but it was smelly horrible diarrhoea.

Worst one, given Cyclizine for severe nausea, nurse told DH not to let me out of bed for at least an hour as it could make me a bit woozy. Woozy?? I had full on hallucinations for a full 12 hours, apparently I was convinced that the nurses had full blown beards, one had leopard print skin, and I wanted to run away to Portsmouth! DH said I was hilarious, I have no recollection of any of it!

Soubriquet · 03/04/2017 20:43

My first pregnancy in the midst of a hypermesis spell.

Felt my stomach start going and legged it to the toilet. Just got in the bathroom and I explosive vomited everywhere but the toilet.

The nurses were very kind to reassure me..I was mortified

SpookyPotato · 03/04/2017 20:53

A nurse fainted cleaning my back after my second section.. it was that stage where you've just got off the bed for the first time and have no knickers on/bleeding everywhere and was wearing the open backed gown. I felt like a monster!
At the other end of the scale, the nurse who cleaned my inner thighs after my first section told me I was perfect and she loved me Confused in reply to me saying sorry about the mess! Grin

Limitededition7inch · 03/04/2017 20:56

Let out a massive fart during a colonoscopy. Projectile vomited over a GP's foot in the middle of morning/permanent pregnancy sickness.

SpookyPotato · 03/04/2017 21:02

Oh and just remembered, when my waters broke at 5am I got to hospital and left a trail all the way to maternity, and a huge pool in the lift.. my shoes were full of liquid! Thank god there was no-one around at that time!

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 03/04/2017 21:25

After I had anaesthetic, I woke up and grabbed the nurses hand and started telling her I loved her. She patted my hand and said I know dear and I said no I really fucking love you 😂

SabineUndine · 03/04/2017 21:50

Neon you reminded me of my one and only panic attack, at the dentist during a root canal filling. First my breathing went funny, then I was making yelping noises and trying not to scream. I hadn't a clue what was happening to me and I put years on the dentist who thought I was having a heart attack. So then I emerged into the waiting room by now containing about a dozen people who had listened to the entire episode. There were a few WTF? faces there, I can tell you. Fortunately I was still on an adrenaline high so I paid the bill and staggered off out.

angelnix · 03/04/2017 21:54

I vomited over the anaesthetic nurse whilst being prepped for emergency section with dd1. Dd2 was born by elective section, my anaesthetic nurse that time was a colleague that I'd worked with only a few weeks beforehand, she had to catheterise me

Gingernaut · 03/04/2017 21:55

I had all four wisdom teeth taken out under general anaesthetic in a very 'posh' private hospital.

I have no idea how I got referred there from a dental teaching hospital, but hey ho.

I was given a pre-med, to relax me, before being taken down to theatre.

On my way down there, the pre-med kicked in.

Instead of relaxing me, I turned psychotic. I was screaming, rigid and seeing horrors in the shadows.

It turns out benzodiazepines are not for me. Massive adverse reaction.

The naloxone they prescribed and administered produced a rash and didn't do much to stop the screams for a good hour.

I was back to normal the following day, when they finally took out my teeth having observed me quarter hourly from the moment they administered the naloxone.

I was put under GA without a pre-med and with much consultation amongst the anaesthetists and lookibg up in books.

I recovered from the anaesthetic well. Which is just as well, really....

MargaretCabbage · 03/04/2017 22:13

I don't have anything to add, but I've just been howling at this thread. Love the old lady who convinced the poster to strip.

Mcchickenbb41 · 03/04/2017 22:14

Op I truly laughed out loud reading that. When I had my first born I was visited by the most stunning looking consultant I'd ever met. He remarked on the colour of the urine in my catheter bag being strong. I was quite young and easily embarrassed. But mortified when he realised the bag had leaked all over his shoes. Blush
Forward on ten years to my second c section. Was on the operating table and about to be moved to the trolley which was helped by the second most stunning consultant I'd ever met. I'd gained a lot of weight and apologised for that, he said jokingly don't worrry this is why I go to the gym. Hmm

Avonandice · 03/04/2017 22:28

I have no idea what I was given for DD2s section I entertained the anethatist with some exceptionally filthy drinking songs.

DS's section I remember having a discussion with the same anethatist about Jemima Khan and cricket. I know he was the same as he lives about 10 doors down and his wife's one of my Avon customers.

dvsurviv · 03/04/2017 22:31

Aria that's brilliant!! Grin

Iwanttobeanonymous · 03/04/2017 23:03

Ds had lithosomething or other where they use ultrasound to zap kidney stones. He was about four and due to disability had little bladder control. The procedure was done under a GA and the usual "need to keep food down and have a pee" before going home applied.

After the procedure one of the junior docs came to see us and said there was no need to wait for the pee because ds had already done a huge one all over the operating table, the floor and the consultants feet Grin

TriJo · 03/04/2017 23:45

Stood up from the bed after a cervical check when I was in labour with DS - waters break all over the midwife's feet.

RhodaBorrocks · 04/04/2017 03:46

Remembered another!

In labour with DS, really needed a wee, but because DS was insistent on making his entry asap he was blocking things. The midwife decided to catheterise me and got one of the little cardboard dishes ready.

XP described what happened next as 'projectile urination'. I got the midwife full in the chest and the bowl wasn't big enough.

Thankfully she was lovely and they quickly changed the bottom half of the bed which I promptly soaked with blood when I haemorrhaged while delivering the placenta (and I vommed everywhere at the same time - it was a bodily fluids extravaganza).

Toobloodytired · 04/04/2017 03:59

Not even a week ago for me....just had DS 2 days previously via forceps.

Everything was so badly bruised down there that when I needed to fart I couldn't physically hold it in.

Que 6 doctors walk in to "discuss my case", my stomach rumbles & before I have a chance to explain, out pops the loudest & smelliest fart!!

What made it all worse??

I fucking cried, like a child who'd been told she couldn't have sweets!!

A1Sharon · 04/04/2017 04:24

This thread is hilarious!

Lakegeneva40 · 04/04/2017 04:54

Colonoscopy during time of month.
Called at same time as another patient for a procedure. Taken into same consulting room. Nurse though I was a relative of other patient. Not a patient!

Misspilly88 · 04/04/2017 10:53

Colonoscopy....the drugs they gave me were amazing. I rambled utter shit for the entire time. Wanted to see the screen because 'seeing my insides make me feel like a real human', told them halfway through I was pregnant, I wasn't but you should've seen their faces! Got very yelly on the recovery ward and was shouting over to the nurses station 'what's she had done, she doesn't look like she had as much fun as me' (there was a sleeping patient recovering next to me). When the nurse rang my DH to come and collect me I yelled 'are you talking to my husband?! Tell him I've had the BEST time!!!'. Cringe.

Blueistheneworange · 04/04/2017 11:45

Many years ago (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) and I was a student in a London hospital my wisdom teeth were giving me so much grief that the onsite dentist decided to take them out under local anaesthetic. After several injections he started yanking at one of my teeth and i thought it was going quite well until he eased his grip on the pliers and asked me if I was ok. I did the usual mumbled assent around a mouthful of dental instruments that happens during every checkup as the dentists decides thats the best time to ask about your day and nodded yes. So he looks me in the eye and asks if so would I please let go of his thumb. Turns out my teeth were locked around the base of his joint. I had them out under GA two days later

potatoesofthenight · 04/04/2017 16:41

When I had a GA my brain woke up but my body didn't I couldn't move a muscle all I could do by summoning up all my strength was make a kind of unearthly deep groaning/growling sound. The poor nurse when I eventually managed to open my eyes looked terrified.

AudreyBradshaw · 04/04/2017 16:52

My waters went just as we were about to be transferred from MLU to hospital as I wasn't dilating and was demanding an epidural exhausted.

It was spectacular, I was already howling gently but as I sat on the gurney they just exploded out of me and went everywhere and I really let rip with the tears. Both paramedics were soaked from mid-thigh down, also managed to splash both midwives, my mother and husband (who was utterly traumatised by that point as he'd misheard "she wants an epidural, we can't do any more for her here" because I'd already had all the painkiller they had available. All he heard was "there's nothing more we can do for her" and thought me and ds were dying.)

I couldn't stop crying because I was so disappointed in myself and apologising to everyone for getting my amniotic fluid everywhere "I need to help mop uuuup". I'd been set on a wonderful calm water birth. And gas and air had made me hallucinate that I'd practised my birth so I knew what was going to happen before it happened, and then it didn't happen how it had in my dream!

And all the way in the ambulance, every time we sped up after slowing down more water sloshed out of me, it was like sitting in a lukewarm puddle.

Also told a bevy of medical students that "at this point, I couldn't give a bugger if a marching band wandered through, just please get me the spinal tap!"