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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Mother's Day

36 replies

kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:42

Am I wrong to be so upset. I have one grown up married son who lives with his wife and mother in law at the moment. In the 7 years they have been together, not once have I had a Mother's Day lunch with him as he calls for an hour and then goes of to have " A family lunch" with his wifes family and mum. I look after his child 2 days a week and feel used and unloved. Is it just me?

OP posts:
ellencherry · 02/04/2017 19:44

7 years? He sounds horrible but you haven't said anything in 7 years?

Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:46

If I say anything he shouts at me and tells me I am neurotic. I feel very left out as everything is about his wifes mum

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2017 19:47

We don't do Mother's Day lunch in our house. Do you get a card? Flowers?

A call for an hour sounds nice, though. I hope DD calls for an hour and chats when she's all grown up. Smile

ProudBadMum · 02/04/2017 19:47

Stop watching his kid and take yourself out

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2017 19:47

x-post. Shouting at you isn't OK.

Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:49

Yes an hours call is ok but his wife has a sister and brother who all meet at her house for lunch. I have only one child and he can not even spend that special day with me.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 02/04/2017 19:52

I think you know that you need to stand up to him. No crocodile tears or emotional blackmail though. Just give it to him straight.

PurpleMinionMummy · 02/04/2017 19:52

Yanbu. If my mil lived that close we'd take out/invite over both mums for mothers day.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 02/04/2017 19:54

If you're neurotic why is he leaving his kids with you? Cheeky bastard.

Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:54

If I give it to him straight, he will just not bother coming at all and maybe keep my grandchildren from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:55

Hi is a cheeky bastard, he thinks more of his in laws than he does me. Its a bit like when your kids are in school and the teacher knows best and you know nothing.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 02/04/2017 19:57

TBH it seems to be more to this I would imagine he has some ill feelings towards you that he hasn't disclosed maybe during his childhood and therefore sees his wife's family as family it's rare for someone to make zero effort for no reason the fact he used the term neurotic suggests he sees your relationship in a different light to what you do.

Stickerrocks · 02/04/2017 19:59

Have you actually said that you would like to spend the day with him & his family? He may think that you're OK with the situation as you've let it go on for 7 years. There does seem to be an assumption that dad's should spend mothering Sunday with the mother of their child, but it seems a bit rude to exclude you if his MIL gets included each year.

ellencherry · 02/04/2017 19:59

But if he has ill feelings about his childhood he'd still leave his children with his mother?

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 19:59

Well he sounds peachy Hmm

Sorry OP you are not being unreasonable. He is being very unthinking and he shouldn't shout at you. What's his problem? I'd tell him straight.

Hope next Mother's Day is better for you.

Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 19:59

Hi Dad and I could not have done more for him all through his life. He resents the fact that he is an only child but other than that?

OP posts:
Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 20:00

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
chastenedButStillSmiling · 02/04/2017 20:02

What's your relationship like with your DiL?

Could that be your way forward?

Underthemoonlight · 02/04/2017 20:02

Judging by several threads on mn people only go low contact or non contact because of an underlining issue. I would try and think if you may have said something or done something to cause offence either to him or his DW.

user1489677782 · 02/04/2017 20:05

There is so much of this today. I thought it was just me but a friend recently told me she was fed up with her DC talking about how wonderful the MIL. I am so sick of having 1 of my DC and her OH going on about how wonderful his Mother is while I am the one expected to get out of bed in the middle of the night and go do stuff for DC. Now I fond there are people here too with the same problem. It is Rife! You would think we had raised them without any idea of decent behaviour

user1489677782 · 02/04/2017 20:10

Underthemoonlight. Why would you jump to the conclusion that it might be something the OP did. She is looking after their child and if she is a bad person she should not be looking after a child! Do you not think that some of the young parents are treating parents like banks for money and a free nursery for childcare. At best it might be that they are so stressed working to achieve the things they see as necessary and they forget that the OP is a human being with feelings

Underthemoonlight · 02/04/2017 20:20

I'm merely putting suggestion why they are low contact and if op can think of anything that has triggered this it's rather odd to suddenly make zero effort without a valid reason, it could be the DW. We recently gone LC with inlaws because the lack of effort towards their gdc particularly towards the youngest DS2 and their favourisms towards SIL child. We haven't discussed this with them but this has caused us to take a step right back. We tend to do more stuff with my dps.

Op if you can't think about him maybe suggest you go out together and see what he says?

Original poster
kickstart57 · 02/04/2017 20:34

We have lots of contact, he calls often and so does my daughter in law. Its just when it is such a special day I would like some time with my son and him not sit down to a family meal with his mother in law leaving me out of it.

OP posts:
Huldra · 02/04/2017 20:40

Is it just Mothers day or other occasions? What did he see you and his Dad do on mothers and fathers day?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2017 20:40

Are you annoyed he doesn't have lunch with you or that he does with his PIL? Because comparison is the thief of joy. Maybe he feels that having a nice chat with you on the day is the most important thing and he goes along with the lunch for his wife's sake.

My mother can be a terrible one for her expectations ruining nice things. If it isn't what she expected and wanted, she's pissed off. Even when the person has tried and wants her to be happy. It makes celebrations less joyful and more awkward.