No Mother's Day

[kickstart57]

Am I wrong to be so upset. I have one grown up married son who lives with his wife and mother in law at the moment. In the 7 years they have been together, not once have I had a Mother's Day lunch with him as he calls for an hour and then goes of to have " A family lunch" with his wifes family and mum. I look after his child 2 days a week and feel used and unloved. Is it just me?

Surely its a case of him treating his wife to her mother's day as mother to his kids and mil is only included because she lives there!

He calls on Fathers Day and stays as my daughter in laws Father has died. We would go out of lunch on Fathers Day. Its my daughter in law is so close to her mum that she must come first.

No they are just staying with my daughter in laws mother while their house goes through. Its not just me, her sisters husband also has to have lunch with his mother in law while HIS mother who lives around the corner gets a cursory hours call.

When did FIL die?

On Mother's Day it's my choice and we see my mum. Father's Day it's my husband's choice and we see dh's dad. As we see it, that's fair.

So you favour your mum over your dad and he favours his dad over his mum? Doesn't sound very "fair" to me!

Can't they just have both of you over or split up for the day and see their own mothers?

It seems to me that fairness (or not) is crucial in these cases. As much as the young parents would rightly go mad if we bought for one child and not another, would it really be so difficult for them to be fair to both sets of parents. I say nothing much but I do watch what goes on. I see that I am called upon to undertake tasks but I am rarely visited. It could be because I drive and the other side does not. Still though I would like to have fair shares.
Note how I phrased that "the other side". It is because I am expected to help when wanted but not for a casual call round. (The young mum drives and the SIL does not work, distance is quite short)
The different ways the mothers are treated is what leads to ill feeling. It does happen that instead of the younger parents going LC their parents will go LC simply because they don't feel included unless to provide service as the OP does with childminding.

Everywhere is rammed on Mother's day. Add in an unpleasant shouty son and no way would I want to visit an overstuffed pub selling crapper than usual food with him.

If you are only being included when asked to do things then it's perfectly fine to say no more.

If things are unfair it's a problem with your son and not dil.

If you say something like I'm a bit hurt that every year you both have lunch with your mil but never do the same for me and he shouts, then yes you can get stroppy. After the was you shouted at me? No I won't be doing ....
If he's only been frustrated and short tempered because you've been sulky or made loads of passive aggressive commens, then find a different way to communicate.